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Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Thu Dec 12, 2013 4:01 pm

livegreen wrote:@lazy-bones thank you for your contribution and obviously AA was good for you.
That said not everyone who drinks, and/or drinks to excess, is or will ever be an alcoholic. Most people can and do manage their alcohol intake and enjoy it and its social benefits etc. The OP asked for advice and AA is one option, as is cutting back, reducing stress and taking control again, both can, and do work.
live and let live is the way forward for all of us!

That's why AA is a program of attraction as opposed to promotion. My partner drinks only on occasions she is what she considers a social drinker! I would not, and have not suggested AA to her as she enjoys her drinks with friends. (I am glad she is a normal drinker, Even though sometimes I even get a bit jealous)
Drinking is only a problem! If its a problem, They say if Alcohol cost's you more than just money then you have a problem of sorts, unfortunately for me I have lost the ability to drink like normal people such as my partner, for me to drink would be making the same mistakes over and over again and expecting a different result! I tried for many years to stop drinking I even tried cutting down all of these measures availed me absolutely nothing until I was ready to take certain steps.
The first step for me was to admit I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable, This is the first step of a 12 Step program for recovery..

When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defect–even if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I’ve found for honesty with self and with others.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by livegreen » Thu Dec 12, 2013 2:26 pm

@lazy-bones thank you for your contribution and obviously AA was good for you.
That said not everyone who drinks, and/or drinks to excess, is or will ever be an alcoholic. Most people can and do manage their alcohol intake and enjoy it and its social benefits etc. The OP asked for advice and AA is one option, as is cutting back, reducing stress and taking control again, both can, and do work.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Thu Dec 12, 2013 12:58 pm

InNeedOfAdvice wrote:Hi

I am fast becoming a functioning alcoholic, alcohol dependent at the very least. Since returning to work full time (and more) in addition to my responsibilities as a wife and mother to two young children, wine has become my coping mechanism of "choice".

Now it's not that I'm turning to drink first thing in the morning, or hiding it in the orange juice, but at the end of the day I turn to the wine as if it were juice and can quite easiely quaff through a bottle a night (more if I don't have to go to work the next day) with or without company.

This is not healthy for either myself or my family and I want to seek advice/help on how to address this before it gets completely out of control. I don't want to become tee-total, enjoying a social drink is an important part of my life. But I need to find a better coping mechanism than "mother's little helper" in the fridge.

Does anyone knowl of any help out there that is not aimed at the full on alcoholic but that is aimed at a functioning professional/mother who has low self control when it comes to the juice in the evening.....

Many thanks
(PS I have signed up under a new user name to that which I normally use on here as I would like to try and keep this as anonymous as possible, as you can imagine, it's not something I'm at all proud of)
When I was drinking, I deceived myself about reality, rewriting it to what I wanted it to be. Deceiving others is a character defect–even if it is just stretching the truth a bit or cleaning up my motives so others would think well of me. My Higher Power can remove this character defect, but first I have to help myself become willing to receive that help by not practicing deception. I need to remember each day that deceiving myself about myself is setting myself up for failure or disappointment in life and in Alcoholics Anonymous. A close, honest relationship with a Higher Power is the only solid foundation I’ve found for honesty with self and with others.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by Camille » Thu Dec 12, 2013 12:39 am

Well done for raising this subject "Ineedofadvice" - just wanted to offer another vote of support :)

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by SaharaD » Wed Dec 11, 2013 11:42 pm

Hi

I was in the same boat a few years back. I read the Allen Carr book 'EasyWay to Control Drinking' which was brilliant at pointing out of how our perceptions of alcohol and our culture promote the kind of drinking which can quickly escalate to dependence (I'm happy - drink! I'm sad - drink! I'm relaxed - drink! I'm stressed - drink!). I decided to stop drinking after that and have been happily sober ever since. I have had to learn a whole set of new skills since though for things I used to use alchohol to cover up. I've had to raise self esteem, take more rest, learn how to dance sober! Also stress relief was a big one - I now run, meditate, write stuff down, punch pillows, scream! - but at least I can deal with it now rather than just numb it. I think the reading list at SMART recovery (a non spiritual recovery programme for abstinance or reduced drinking as you choose) is very helpful. Rasiing self esteem and patience, lowering negativity which usually leads to picking up a drink. I am readying 'The Comfort Trap' by Windy Dryden at the moment which is also good on all these things. SMART also do face to face meetings which are good though not as widely availble as AA yet. Lots of advice given by people in the same boat on how to either stop or resist.

I've just recently started to go to AA meetings to meet other people who are sober. In the six years since I stopped I have hardly met any one else who doesn't drink. I absolutely don't mind being out with drinkers and still have fun but it's lovely to meet other people (all kinds of people you'd be amazed) to share similar stories with. I am also totally inspired by the women I meet there (especially the mums!) who have the courage to stand up and say they had a problem and then the courage to do something about it. The spiritual aspect put me off at the beginning but I now find it very comforting. You get to choose your own Higher Power whatever that means to you so it's not intimidating in any way.

Online I have found Soberistas, Women for Sobriety and Sober Recovery Forum to all be very helpful.

I have basically put together my own mini program that works for me. Lots of books as that's the way I like to learn and then eventually meetings.

Huge admiration for admitting you are struggling with alcohol. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

xx

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Wed Dec 11, 2013 10:19 am

Good morning
I hope the woman or anybody else who feels they might have a problem with alcohol realizes they are not alone! That their is help available if they have the courage to ask.
AA is a program of attraction as opposed to promotion and must always be that way.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:35 am

pops1 wrote:I identify with you so much...& I rather suspect there are a lot more of us in the same boat. I have been grappling with the same problem that seems to have crept up on me, so a couple of months ago I resolved to delve in to the (shocking) facts about drinking a bottle of wine a night, the health impact, financial, & physical, & printed this off to stick on my 'drinks' cabinet in the kitchen. It did work for a while, but then came off & I conveniently ignored the issue...your post has given me an uncomfortable reminder. Anyway, this was my 'STOP DRINKING NOTE TO SELF' :

STOP!
THINK BEFORE YOU REACH FOR THAT DRINK!
A bottle of 12% wine a day @ £7.00 approx=
- £49 a week…£2,500 a year

- 600 calories a night, 4,200 calories a week…218,400 calories a year = fat bum, big belly, flabby thighs…bingo wings

- 9 units of alcohol (4 times the safe amount)

This can cause:
• Cancer of the throat, oesophagus or larynx. Regularly drinking two large glasses of wine (ABV 13%) or two pints of strong lager (ABV 5.2%) a day could make you three times as likely to get mouth cancer.
• Breast cancer in women. Regularly drinking just above the guidelines increases the risk of getting breast cancer by around 20%
• A stroke
• Heart disease or an irregular heartbeat, which can lead to a heart attack
• High blood pressure
• Liver disease such as cirrhosis and liver cancer. If you regularly drink just above the lower-risk guidelines, the risk of liver cirrhosis increases 1.7 times
• Pancreatitis

breast cancer (in women) - for every 10 grams of alcohol ingested (about ¾ of a drink), a woman's chance of developing breast cancer goes up by 9%. So, five drinks a day, increases a woman's chance by almost 50%. Note that in Italy where alcohol consumption is fairly high, 11% of breast cancers are due to alcohol

cancer of the mouth, throat (pharynx), and swallowing tube (esophagus) - unlike the case for cardiovascular disease, where modest consumption of alcohol seems to confer some protection, even occasional and one-drink-per-day ingestion of alcohol are associated with a 12 and 37% increase respectively in the risk of cancer of the esophagus.

inflammation of the pancreas (pancreatitis) - this is a very nasty illness which you don't want to get. It is considered to be one of the most painful conditions that someone can have (up there with kidney stones and labour). Pancreatitis has the potential for many complications, none of which are good news or very pleasant for the patient. It can also kill you. About 10% of chronic alcoholics will develop pancreatitis at some stage. In fact, anyone who goes out boozing places themselves at increased risk for pancreatitis, albeit just for a day or so. But consider someone who drinks every day. Their risk of pancreatitis will stay elevated.
Alcoholic cirrhosis happens to 1 in 10 heavy drinkers after 10 years. Youre a heavy drinker. 1 in 10 is horrible odds.
So give me one good reason to have a drink now….?
Stop it today and the future you will thank you for it…

I haven't read all the related posts but suspect I am not the only one for whom this resonates... Would anyone else be up for a little local support group...? Not sure how one would go about setting something like this up...in a confidential manner...(I have also used a pseudonym :oops: ) Maybe a private contact address...?
Try an AA meeting its free and could save your life

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by pops1 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 10:20 am

I identify with you so much...& I rather suspect there are a lot more of us in the same boat. I have been grappling with the same problem that seems to have crept up on me, so a couple of months ago I resolved to delve in to the (shocking) facts about drinking a bottle of wine a night, the health impact, financial, & physical, & printed this off to stick on my 'drinks' cabinet in the kitchen. It did work for a while, but then came off & I conveniently ignored the issue...your post has given me an uncomfortable reminder. Anyway, this was my 'STOP DRINKING NOTE TO SELF' :

STOP!
THINK BEFORE YOU REACH FOR THAT DRINK!
A bottle of 12% wine a day @ £7.00 approx=
- £49 a week…£2,500 a year

- 600 calories a night, 4,200 calories a week…218,400 calories a year = fat bum, big belly, flabby thighs…bingo wings

- 9 units of alcohol (4 times the safe amount)

This can cause:
• Cancer of the throat, oesophagus or larynx. Regularly drinking two large glasses of wine (ABV 13%) or two pints of strong lager (ABV 5.2%) a day could make you three times as likely to get mouth cancer.
• Breast cancer in women. Regularly drinking just above the guidelines increases the risk of getting breast cancer by around 20%
• A stroke
• Heart disease or an irregular heartbeat, which can lead to a heart attack
• High blood pressure
• Liver disease such as cirrhosis and liver cancer. If you regularly drink just above the lower-risk guidelines, the risk of liver cirrhosis increases 1.7 times
• Pancreatitis

breast cancer (in women) - for every 10 grams of alcohol ingested (about ¾ of a drink), a woman's chance of developing breast cancer goes up by 9%. So, five drinks a day, increases a woman's chance by almost 50%. Note that in Italy where alcohol consumption is fairly high, 11% of breast cancers are due to alcohol

cancer of the mouth, throat (pharynx), and swallowing tube (esophagus) - unlike the case for cardiovascular disease, where modest consumption of alcohol seems to confer some protection, even occasional and one-drink-per-day ingestion of alcohol are associated with a 12 and 37% increase respectively in the risk of cancer of the esophagus.

inflammation of the pancreas (pancreatitis) - this is a very nasty illness which you don't want to get. It is considered to be one of the most painful conditions that someone can have (up there with kidney stones and labour). Pancreatitis has the potential for many complications, none of which are good news or very pleasant for the patient. It can also kill you. About 10% of chronic alcoholics will develop pancreatitis at some stage. In fact, anyone who goes out boozing places themselves at increased risk for pancreatitis, albeit just for a day or so. But consider someone who drinks every day. Their risk of pancreatitis will stay elevated.
Alcoholic cirrhosis happens to 1 in 10 heavy drinkers after 10 years. Youre a heavy drinker. 1 in 10 is horrible odds.
So give me one good reason to have a drink now….?
Stop it today and the future you will thank you for it…

I haven't read all the related posts but suspect I am not the only one for whom this resonates... Would anyone else be up for a little local support group...? Not sure how one would go about setting something like this up...in a confidential manner...(I have also used a pseudonym :oops: ) Maybe a private contact address...?

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by Braintrainer » Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:03 am

Ali wrote:Hi,
congratulations in asking for help. Once you have the courage to admit you have a problem,half of the problem is sorted.

Talk to your GP. In addition to a variety of psychological therapies, there is a medication that the GP can prescribe and makes you feel sick every time you drink alcohol. That means your brain will not "crave" alcohol as associates alcohol with feeling sick. You might need only few weeks of this tablet, enough for the brain to make the connection. Since you break the pattern alcohol= relaxation and change it into alcohol= feel sick there is a good chance you will never experience this problem again if you find yourself in a stressful situation.
It tends to work only for motivated,smart people who want to get better and take the tables.
some GP are more proactive than others. Do ask for help clearly and tell him/her if something that he suggested does not work.
You will certainly succeed in fixing this problem as you have a very clear insight into it. Good luck.
This is true - there is also a drug called Naltrexone for which there is evidence that it can help non-dependent drinkers reduce their consumption by reducing the feelings of enjoyment. It's unlikely GPs will be aware of this, also relatively unlikley specialists will be aware of it, but it is buried in Page 427 of the full NICE Guidelines - http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/live/1 ... /53190.pdf. NICE only recommends it if therapy hasn't worked, but you may find a private doctor willing to prescribe.

Stuart

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by Moomie » Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:10 pm

http://soberistas.com/

Check out this website: you'll be amazed by how many people are in the same situation as you.

I completely empathise. I recently stopped drinking as it was threatening my relationship with my husband, daughter and my mental and emotional, not to mention physical, well being.I had been a functioning alcoholic for over a decade, made worse once I had my daughter combined with a high pressure job.
I have also taken steps to reduce pressure at work (so completely agree with your idea here), and to talk openly to trusted friends and my husband about my relationship with alcohol.
I am amazed by quite how much better I feel about everything in my life just two months after quitting.
Best of luck- please know you are not alone. xx

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by Ali » Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:06 pm

Hi,
congratulations in asking for help. Once you have the courage to admit you have a problem,half of the problem is sorted.

Talk to your GP. In addition to a variety of psychological therapies, there is a medication that the GP can prescribe and makes you feel sick every time you drink alcohol. That means your brain will not "crave" alcohol as associates alcohol with feeling sick. You might need only few weeks of this tablet, enough for the brain to make the connection. Since you break the pattern alcohol= relaxation and change it into alcohol= feel sick there is a good chance you will never experience this problem again if you find yourself in a stressful situation.
It tends to work only for motivated,smart people who want to get better and take the tables.
some GP are more proactive than others. Do ask for help clearly and tell him/her if something that he suggested does not work.
You will certainly succeed in fixing this problem as you have a very clear insight into it. Good luck.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:54 pm

Thank you
I totally understand how she feels, I couldn't go to AA either in the early days :roll: I thought my life was finished when I went through the doors of an AA meeting.
Now I look back and realise it had only just begun ...
Hope all have a beautiful Xmas

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lindsit27 » Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:38 pm

That's ok Lazy-Bones. Thank you for your comment :D
I agree with you though as well. Alcohol is bloody evil!
Just to refer to your point on AA, people seem to think that you have to
be drinking in the morning and be on strong spirits to attend a meeting. I know this is not true. AA is for anyone who feel as if their life is being more or less ruled by alcohol. So I get your point. And I agree. Alcohol can not only ruin a person's life but it can tear families apart.
I just feel that any method is worth trying if this is what the person in question wants to do. If it really doesn't work, then so be it. Try something else, try to become teetotal. I know the lady who posted the original comment mentioned she didn't want to go to AA hence I reckon all the other piece of advice from various people including me came up. xx

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by NYE31 » Mon Dec 09, 2013 3:06 pm

My sister's ex boyfriend died from liver failure in the Summer after losing a 15 year battle with alcohol addiction, he lost his will to live, job, their family home, driving licence, his wife left him, he stopped seeing his children as he was never sober & everything that they had.

It's v.sad that he died but even sadder for his wife, 2 children aged 8 & 10 who have nothing now as he left them with absolutely nothing thanks to drinking 2 bottles of vodka a day for 15 years.

Re: Functioning Alcoholic

by lazy-bones » Mon Dec 09, 2013 2:48 pm

lindsit27 wrote:why the anger? There is no need to shoot me down here..
what works for some might not work for others.
Every person has their way. If AA is the only way for you, if that's where you're at, great. Comparing myself to Best or Gasgoine is not where I'm at. Let's put things in perspective.
Be gentle with yoursef. :D
I am personally sorry if you feel upset?
Terribly sorry if you feel offended! that was not my intension? I am merely trying to use Paul Gascoigne and George Best as examples to your suggested method... If a person has a problem with Alcohol then they have a problem with alcohol ( A life threatening killer of a disease) It will destroy families and takes no prisoners) Look at what it did for these to people? and many many 100's of thousands more?
Once again I am sorry if your upset and I am most definitely not attacking you personally...The alcoholic is cunning baffling & powerful & will go to any lengths to hide the fact they are alcoholic's even pretend they have a cure!
The answer is easy if you think you don't have a problem with alcohol then stop drinking!

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