Thank you very much, everyone, for your helpful and kind replies. A scan has now showed that the heartbeat has stopped and I have decided to opt for 'expectant management' in the hope that things resolve naturally. I will take mifepristone to bring things on if nothing has happened in the next two weeks. There are a lot of pros and cons with all options, but on balance I decided to try and avoid surgery/the (low) risk of scarring if at all possible, despite the desirability of getting it over and done with in a controlled and less painful way. As a previous poster commented, it sounds like whatever route one takes, frequent medical checks are important. My thanks again and sympathies to all of you who have experienced the same sad event.

I too was very sad to hear of your loss especially as it also reminded me of my two miscarriages.

I would strongly urge you to have the procedure. I didn't at first with my first miscarriage and after a few weeks of waiting went to see a obstetrician/gynaecologist privately as I felt something wasn't quite right and that the miscarriage was dragging on. He told me I was lucky I went to see him when I did as I was very close to developing septicaemia. He had me admitted to the hospital via A&E to ensure it was done quickly.

Needless to say, the second time around I chose to have the procedure straight away and they were pretty good at St. Georges. It was upsetting and these things are never easy but I would definitely have the procedure again over waiting for it to happen naturally.

I don't wish to alarm you but suffice to say if you do decide to wait for it to happen naturally please try to get checked regularly to ensure everything is as it should be.

I wish you all the best.

Please ensure you take care of yourself and take some time out to grieve and to do some special things that make you feel good.

xx

Hi I was in the same situation with my first pregnancy a few years ago - I decided to let nature take its course and miscarried naturally after about 3 weeks after finding out the baby had no heartbeat. However it was all very bizarre - I felt like I was in a bubble not sure of what i was doing - it was my first pregnancy so I worked full time and just happened to call in sick that day because I didn't feel very well when I woke up - I dread to think what things would have been like had I gone to work. When I found out at St Georges EPU I don't recall being advised what my options were and consequently felt a bit lost about how to proceed. I do recall however thinking that I wanted to get pregnant again as quickly as possible and thought that this would best happen if I miscarried naturally - based in no information whatsoever.

I think its a very personal choice but in your position with a toddler I would probably suggest an ERPC - that way you can plan for the recovery- wish you well.

Hello
As with everyone else - goes without saying that I'm sorry for your loss.

I have had two ERPC after 12 week scans - I personally was more frightened of the anaesthetic rather than anything else - but you are under for such a short amount of time. I would definitely recommend - personally I couldn't have waited - and just wanted to "get on with things" ie trying again. The bleeding afterwards really wasn't too bad either.

My second one turned out to be a molar pregnancy which was far more boring as you can't get pregnant again for 6 months +.

Good luck with whatever you decide

So sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure there is no right or wrong answer in such a personally devastating situation but like others, I can give you the benefit of my experience if it helps. I have had 2 miscarriages at 12 and 13 weeks. With the first, like you, I was advised to let things take their natural course. It was possibly the most emotionally draining period of my life and atthe end of it, I had to have an ERPC anyway three weeks later as there was still some remaining 'matter'. With the second, I opted for the ERPC immediately and it made the whole experience infinitely quicker and more bearable. A previous poster mentioned the risk of internal scarring, which apparently I do have but have managed to successfully conceive and carry two healthy children. Another previous poster also mentioned that hospitals will often discard the remains as clinical waste. This was not an issue for me and my husband but if it is something you are concerned about, I can tell you that my second ERPC was done on the NHS at C&W and. I was asked in a consultation beforehand what Iwould I like done with the remains and whether I would want some sort of religious recognition. Good luck with whatever you decide and I very much hope that there are happier times ahead for you.

hi

we had a scan at nine weeks and it indicated our baby's heart had stopped beating at around six weeks. I began to miscarry at home two weeks afterwards. I rang for an ambulance and they checked me over at st Georges. They gave me strong painkillers and I miscarried at home some days later.

Something that worried me was that I wanted the remains of our LO treated respectfully. My understanding was that at the hospital they would not have taken any steps to treat our baby's remains as anything other than clinical waste. There has recently been some media coverage on this topic.

We have our baby's tiny remains distinctly wrappped in box in a freezer. Hopefully there will be no decay and she/he will be buried respectfully and tenderly with the first one of us to go.

I found the CofE hospital chaplain at St Georges to be very helpful and understanding. we are not CofE but we had a special prayer and blessing for our baby with the Pastor at our church.

if you would prefer to miscarry naturally and are worried about it occurring at work or at home when you OH is not around maybe get a list of people who can be on call at certain times. You can include me on that via private email if you would like to. Or also even if you would just like someone to cry/scream at who is not so directly involved.

we have since had another child. (both conceived naturally- and I am over 40) We treasure that we are parents to two children. xxx

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. It was not too long ago that I wrote the same post! I found out I had a mmc at 11 weeks. Baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. I was advised to wait 3 weeks and see if I miscarried naturally. It didnt happen and it was truly some of the most difficult weeks of my life, being afraid to leave the house etc. Only then did I make an appointment for an ERPC. The whole process was a nightmare and I have recently been told by a consultant I trust completely (private) about the risks of what I was advised to do. Firstly, I have had major issues with scarring and struggling to conceive ever since and I have not had a proper period since June last year. In terms of risks, both an ERPC and a natural mc probably hold the same amount, however the timing is crucial. My consultant told me that the risk of scarring from the ERPC increases the longer you hold on to the baby. As I found out 4 weeks late and then had to wait another 4 for the procedure, my risks were in fact very high. I do not want to scare you, I would just personally suggest that if you decide to try and mc naturally, perhaps book in for an ERPC in a few weeks' time, so you have a back up. And do not let anyone tell you to wait indefinitely. You found out quite early, so you are not in the same position as I was, so I would just like to repeat - do not let my story put you off the procedure, as it was quite quick and painless. Good luck through this horrid time! Make sure you have enough support around and take care.

Like all the other replies, I am so very sorry for you. I had 2 miscarriages and had an EPRC for the first one, then went "natural" for the second one. I would absolutely say have the procedure. The waiting around for "it" to happen, the pain, the actual passing of "it" was really horrible (and I say that as someone who hates needles and anaesthetic) and deeply upsetting.

I went to the day clinic at St George's in Tooting and couldn't have asked for better care (and I'm American by birth, so I'm fussy about medical care!)

Wishing you much peace and kind thoughts. My 7 year old son is proof that there can be a happy ending even after more than one loss, but I know firsthand how wrong everything can feel right for you.

So very sorry to hear your news, I've had 3 ERPCS, 2 at the C & W and a 3rd at Parkside Private Hospital.

I had a gorgeous little boy between miscarriages 2 & 3, who will be 3 in July.

I felt physically OK after all 3 but emotionally it took a very long time to feel better, esp after my 3rd.

Look after yourself & PM me if you would like to chat more

xxx

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, everyone - it's much appreciated and has given me lots of useful things to think about. I'm sorry that you had to go through this tough business too. Encouraging, however, to hear that many of you went on to have successful pregnancies. Thanks again.

I had an ERPC when I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. Since the foetus had stopped growing at around 10 weeks, with no sign of a natural miscarriage occurring, I really did not feel comfortable with waiting around indefinitely for nature to take its course. I had mine on the NHS at Chelsea and Westeminster. They have a early pregnancy unit which is entirely separate from the ante natal section - you don't have any contact with happy bumps whatsoever. Most of the other women on the ward were in for pregnancy complications or operations of the nature of cist removal and such.

I dont regrat my decision, but I did find that a few days after the procedure I had some awful cramping as my uterus finally caught up with things. That was not pleasant. But then what is in this situation?

I am very sorry for your loss.

I would go for a ERPC - had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, bleeding so heavily that I passed out, was then taken to hospital in an ambulance. Had to have a blodtransfusion as my BP was barely there. This wasn't helped that I was taking aspirin at the time for medical reasons. All of that and two weeks on I was still showing positive on pregnancy test. Waited for many more weeks until doctor said the risk of infection was too big. Second miscarriage in the same year I did the ERPC straight away. Third time lucky and I had a live birth. I feel for you and wish you the best of luck.

Poor you. It's such a horrid thing to happen. Like others I chose ERPC. I couldn't face the wait, wanted it over ASAP (so I could recover and get pregnant again), and didn't think I'd cope well with the bleeding/pain.

I had it done on the NHS at St George's. All the nurses and doctors were so kind, and very understanding that I kept bursting into tears. I was given lots of tea, toast and hand holding and my husband was brought into the post op area to comfort me. I felt it went as well as these things can.

Best of luck.

X

Oh, you poor thing.

I had an ERPC (have I got the initials right??) after my first one, but did natural on second and third.

I was so truly gutted about the whole thing the first time that I don't really remember much about it apart from feeling glad that it was over quickly.

One of the natural ones happened very very quickly and was very painful but, as I say, over quickly; the other much slower and more like a very heavy period.

It might sound odd, but the thing that I do really remember about the natural ones was being very annoyed that this 'thing' was wasting my valuable time. I just wanted to crack on and try again as I felt that time was against me.

Anyway, to cut my ramblings short, not sure which is best really. If I had to do it now (with toddler and baby), I would probably get it over and done with via ERPC. If you do it naturally, I think that there is a small chance that you might need ERPC later if not everything comes out. (Do check that though, I am never entirely factually correct)

Good luck

Ps. Meant to say mine was st Thomas's.