by BabyMagic » Mon Aug 04, 2014 12:04 pm
Hello,
Firstly, can I say how brilliantly you seem to be approaching this. I'm a Family Consultant and help parents out with sleeping, weaning, behavioural stuff all the time.
Often getting the odd comment or watching your little one kick or hit, or bite, pinch etc...can be worrying (especially if Nursery has raised the issue). A good nursery, nanny, book, friend will tell you variants on the same excellent comments already made on your post. You are right not to be too unduly concerned. This is almost certainly not a reflection of your parenting (which seems very level headed), your little boy's character, emotional state etc. etc. He is probably, with such a loving and engaged mum, not feeling insecure about anything in particular.
This is a normal, natural, perfectly understandable developmental stage that pretty much every child able to perform the action will go through.
You did nothing wrong, he isn't doing anything knowingly wrong, the only thing you have to be certain of is (and deal consistently with) is how you are going to stop the behaviour. It may not naturally escalate any way, your toddler would process all the responses, acquire over time a higher developmental level of empathy and start to play cooperatively etc. in his own time.
Sometimes, however, when we cannot wait for the behavioural phase to run it's course, because it's unsafe or may hurt or disturb others, we need to intervene. In my role, I prefer not to change behaviours by punishing or creating negative self-images. Each child is unique and has their own motivations for their behaviour. In other words, sometimes it's impulse, and you can redirect, other times it may be a sustained behaviour because the child's perceived positives (whatever in their wee heads it may be) outweigh the negatives or effort of stopping. The gentlest solution, most effective in the long term is to without penalising, work out the positives and make sure they decrease, until it's just not worth it, and is the child's decision to stop.
Without knowing you or your toddler, I can't advise, but as I often say on this forum, I don't charge for phone chats! I'm working on and off over the next few days, but if you want a friendly voice on the end of the phone, who has seen this issue and resolved in a number of tailored-to-child ways, over 15 years (that's a lot of little ones kicking!) I'd be happy to talk to you, for whatever free time I may have then. I may only be able to squeeze in a half hour whilst I'm inbetween jobs, or errands etc., but maybe I can arm you with a few specific tactics for your specific child. No charge, it's only half an hour, just happy to help if I can.
Hello,
Firstly, can I say how brilliantly you seem to be approaching this. I'm a Family Consultant and help parents out with sleeping, weaning, behavioural stuff all the time.
Often getting the odd comment or watching your little one kick or hit, or bite, pinch etc...can be worrying (especially if Nursery has raised the issue). A good nursery, nanny, book, friend will tell you variants on the same excellent comments already made on your post. You are right not to be too unduly concerned. This is almost certainly not a reflection of your parenting (which seems very level headed), your little boy's character, emotional state etc. etc. He is probably, with such a loving and engaged mum, not feeling insecure about anything in particular.
This is a normal, natural, perfectly understandable developmental stage that pretty much every child able to perform the action will go through.
You did nothing wrong, he isn't doing anything knowingly wrong, the only thing you have to be certain of is (and deal consistently with) is how you are going to stop the behaviour. It may not naturally escalate any way, your toddler would process all the responses, acquire over time a higher developmental level of empathy and start to play cooperatively etc. in his own time.
Sometimes, however, when we cannot wait for the behavioural phase to run it's course, because it's unsafe or may hurt or disturb others, we need to intervene. In my role, I prefer not to change behaviours by punishing or creating negative self-images. Each child is unique and has their own motivations for their behaviour. In other words, sometimes it's impulse, and you can redirect, other times it may be a sustained behaviour because the child's perceived positives (whatever in their wee heads it may be) outweigh the negatives or effort of stopping. The gentlest solution, most effective in the long term is to without penalising, work out the positives and make sure they decrease, until it's just not worth it, and is the child's decision to stop.
Without knowing you or your toddler, I can't advise, but as I often say on this forum, I don't charge for phone chats! I'm working on and off over the next few days, but if you want a friendly voice on the end of the phone, who has seen this issue and resolved in a number of tailored-to-child ways, over 15 years (that's a lot of little ones kicking!) I'd be happy to talk to you, for whatever free time I may have then. I may only be able to squeeze in a half hour whilst I'm inbetween jobs, or errands etc., but maybe I can arm you with a few specific tactics for your specific child. No charge, it's only half an hour, just happy to help if I can.
