I think when a baby is in icu or a birth was particularly traumatic a private room is the need. Then partners can stay over without disturbing other new mothers.

Beyond that the default should be that post natal care is for mothers and babies. Peace, quiet, dignity and privacy should be provided and for me that means non patients should not be allowed to stay overnight.

I can't see how this isn't the default.

I think it's unacceptable
Not all partners/dads are nice and considerate
Postnatal should be women only and they should ensure they have enough staff to provide for patients needs

I had a very similar experience to Mogzy in that my daughter was born at 32 was via emergency c section. Unfortunately she was rushed into Nicu and I was unable to see her for the first 3 days of her life. I don't know how I would have coped if my husband could not have stayed with me.

My perspective is that if you're lucky enough to have a normal birth and have your child with you then perhaps you could tolerate a little snoring from another dad for just a night or two. He's likely to be so overwhelmed by the arrival of his child that you'll be the last person he's looking at.

You all have made really good points - I probably shouldn't have been so abrupt in my points! I am very close to going in, and the thought of men being on the ward while I'm trying to sleep is just really stressing me out, I feel like it should be all about the mums and babies after you give birth...

I think after reading the posts after mine, I agree with one who said there should be choice - if I don't want to be on a ward with men staying overnight, I shouldn't have to. I know it is likely to be fine, but I read one story about one dad keeping the whole ward awake with his snoring and all the other mums really annoyed and complained for a few hours until the midwives finally kicked him out... not ideal! There should be mixed wards and non-mixed.

Someone mentioned I might be annoyed because my husband cannot stay as I already have kids, I promise this is not the case, I could organise for him to stay by paying for our sitter to stay in our house, but really the reason is I just want him to have as good a nights sleep as possible so that when I come home he'll be full of energy! Most men don't do well with lack of sleep! He wasn't allowed when I had my first, and honestly I didn't mind him leaving, we were both wrecked after a long previous 24 hours and no point in him not getting a good nights sleep when I was in hospital.

Anyway, lets hope I'm worrying about something that will not be as bad as I think and I won't have a loud snoring dad on my ward!!!

I had my daughter at St Georges in 2013 and understood that any "difficult" births were prioritised into a private room and those of us with straightforward births were on the wards.

This, in my eyes, "should" help the situation that any hard births / earlies / those with a need for more help should be in private rooms and should they need more support, should be able to have partners stay with them.

I personally think the wards were noisy enough with 6 mothers and babies in them and adding another 6 dads into the mix would be a bad idea, but caveat that with hoping that those in need should be able to have the above solution.

It's a difficult one and I can understand both perspectives. All I can say is that I was very pleased to have my hubby by my side after I gave birth to my second son at 27 weeks late one evening. He was very ill as you can imagine being born at 27 weeks and we couldn't see him for several hours whilst the amazing doctors stabilised him. I was wheeled into a ward to recover with other ladies who all had their babies with them and for me that was emotionally heartbreaking. I don't know how I would have coped without him next to me. That being said, I'm not sure what Kingstons official policy is as there wasn't any other dads on the ward and he wasn't offered a recliner/bed. Just an uncomfortable plastic chair.

As others have already mentioned, I think very few dads actually stay overnight, but I think it's nice for the dads to have that choice if they want it/need it.

Good points Astolat.

Clearly some want this but others really don't. So there should be choice available.

If you are happy to be on a mixed gender ward and by doing that have your partner stay then that is a nice option.

HOWEVER if you do not want a mixed gender ward (and nowhere else in the NHS allows this by the way) you should have the choice to stay on a women only ward, and midwives and other nursing staff should be available to provide the support you need.

For me it is partly about men you don't know or trust, when you are in a vulnerable state but also just the practical implications. Post natal wards are notoriously disruptive and hard to rest in and it can make recovery even harder due to exhaustion. Adding up to another 6 people into a space designed to sleep 6 will exacerbate this.

I totally agree that this cannot be used as a sticking plaster to midwife resource. It's just not acceptable that the only place where the NHS is going backwards on mixed sex sleeping is maternity care. The patient needs to come first.

There won't be random "strange men", only new dads, focusing on their new baby. Also, why assume these men will snore?
Why would they want to stay overnight instead of resting at home? Well maybe to experience the first day(s) of their newborn's life?
I might be completely wrong, but what I am getting from your post is that as your husband won't be able to be there, you don't see why any other new mum should be allowed to have a partner there.
I am sorry if I sound harsh, it is just that I was so so happy to have my husband with me after my c-section and I would like every woman to be able to experience the same if her personal circumstances allows it.

I am about to have my 3rd child, first c section, in C&W. Having had two babies, one in 2010 and one in 2012 when men were not allowed stay, I am dreading the fact that they are now. Comments like snoring will be the least of your problems are completely not true, the babies might cry a bit, but of course you are sympathetic because they are newborn babies, but men, on a women's ward disturbing the peace, that's just not on!! Because it's my third, my husband would not be able to stay, even if I wanted him to, the last thing I want to do is listen to someone else's husband making noise. And there really is something off-putting about strange men being in such close proximity on a hospital ward during the night while you may be breastfeeding.

I feel like this is a cop-out for midwives not to have to help mums through the night, which I suppose might be the only benefit for me that if I do need help, they will be available (seems as I'm having a section).

Why any mum would want her husband staying and being as tired as each other when they take baby home is beyond me though, it works really well for the men to get a good nights sleep and therefore able to be as helpful as possible when you get home.

Can you tell I'm a bit annoyed here?!

I had a private room one night and was in the ward the second at C&W. In my experience most of the men don't stay all night, including my own. It's almost like most of them take advantage of that last hurrah (ie a decent nights sleep) before chaos ensues when you and the little one arrive home and they can be well rested for that first night home when you yourself are beyond knackered. And they know you have help in the hospital from the medical staff.
And of those that do stay on that uncomfortable chair, they tend to be respectful, curtains closed, whispering etc. A few 4am snores were muffled by screaming babies. Don't worry too much. You really won't be affected too much by daddies. And if you are, just have a quiet word with the duty midwife. Imho you'll be far too caught up with your newborn to worry about a new daddy behind a curtain that your probably won't even see. But definitely ask for a private room. Worth the £300 or so. I only moved to the ward because a lady with triplets asked if she could have it!

We ended up in a private room in C&W, not sure how or why. It was really nice. I could not stay though as had to get back to look after our eldest.

There are private rooms on available at C&W, if not already in use or being used for emergency or overspill from the postnatal award you can have them for approximately £300 a night. When you are transferred to the postnatal ward you just ask the midwife about availability and/or to go on the waiting list (depending how many nights you may have to stay). Go for a tour of C&W and you can see the rooms.
Might be a good option for you but would be subject to availability.

I can see cynic's point.
I had a c-section to deliver my twins, and afterwards I was barely able to stand, no idea how I would have coped, changed nappies, etc without my husband staying overnight. Yes, it is weird having men around when you are half naked and trying to breastfeed, however at this stage I just went with it, I figured out those new dads had better things to do then looking at me. I was more bothered by daytime visitors who were curiously looking around and talking loudly.

"Some random guy" or perhaps a new parent like yourself who just happens to be male?

Plenty of noise on a post-natal ward, snoring would be least of your worries and at least something you could actually communicate about quite reasonably.


I am a random guy/male parent and several years ago I was sent home at 5am when my wife and new baby were moved to the ward and only allowed back at 9am. My wife had not slept for the best part of 60hours and having had an emergency c-section, she was not permitted to get up from her bed (until 3pm the next day). I was desperate to help look after our chunky newborn but was sent home for a matter of hours. I daresay that had I be permitted to stay there may have actually been less noise because I could help my wife more than the over-stretched midwives were able to during that 4hour stretch