Hi ladies,

There seems to be lots of knowledge on here regarding Au-Pairs, so I was just wondering where is the best place to find one? Any tips on how to pick someone who'll be good with the kids? I live in Fulham, looking for about 25 hours per week. Happy to pay a good rate.

Many thanks! x

I pay extortionate rent in Balham and work as a journalist on a not-huge salary. I probably have £100 per week disposable income. £400 is actually quite a lot of money if that's your disposable income. If you're paying her phone, travel card and toiletries, then it's more than adequate. If I was an au pair I wouldn't necessarily expect to have lots of money for meals out, clothes etc.

If she is thinking along the lines of £100 per month then she will doubtless be thrilled with £300. It all depends on how generous you are with her generally. For example, I take in foreign students and always give them nice food etc. I have heard of families where the student gets grotty frozen pizzas etc while the family feed off good-quality food, cooked from scratch. It's that kind of appalling behaviour that separates the sheep from the goats...

Hi,

I fully agree with petal and top mama and by the way I was definitely not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Quite the opposite but I strongly feel about people being paid decently.

We paid our last Au Pair Plus £150/week. This is £3.40 x 35 hours (based on the standard au pair hourly rate when you work it back from £85/25 hours) plus a £32 travel card for zone 1-2. We pay extra time during school holidays when they need to work on the basis of these £3.40/hour and give 5 paid weeks of holiday when we are away.

It makes them feel like they are paid decently (London is very expensive) and means that they will not leave and believe me this is important. For me, paying my au pair decently is paramount since I do not want to change every 6 weeks. I have been a poor student having to work 16 hours a day during entire summers when I was a student and would not have liked to be exploited.

By paying them £85 for 30 hours or more, you definitely expose yourself to her leaving after a few weeks/months when she feels exploited.

A live-in nanny for 35 hours would be £7x35hours=£245. So, you save £100 saved per week.

For that au pair plus gets her own room with ensuite bathroom at the top of the house. I am aware that not everyone can give that. She does the washing of the whole family since it is silly/Eco unfriendly to make half wash loads of just the kids clothes but in return the cleaner does her bedroom and bathroom once a week.

We have had wonderful au pairs and live-in nannies in the past and being paid decently was one of the reasons for them to stay, come back to cover for the summer, take the kids to their own house in the South of France over the summer etc...

I would rather do without a holiday myself than having to change au-pair regularly because of a money issue.

Having said that I can fully appreciate that it is hard for a lot of families to afford even an au-pair in London.

So, please do not consider my post as the post from someone who has forgotten what it means to struggle to make ends meet. I can fully appreciate this.

Good luck to you,

E

We pay our au pair £80 week + cover her mobile phone costs. We have had au pairs for around 9 years now and they have told us this is about the going rate. My kids are in secondary school now so the job is not very hard. They work no more than 25 hours a week, and babysit once in a while.

All of our au pairs have gone out with friends regularly and did not seem to have money problems. They are here to improve their English and experience life in London. We have found it a rewarding experience and so have our au pairs from what they have said.

Just chipping in - the live-in (but fully qualified) nannies near us make £350-£400pw (net) for 60 hours to include childcare (including for under 2s), cleaning & cooking.

The au pairs that I know make £80pw (no tax) for 25 hours + 2 eves babysitting, or £90pw for 35 hours + 2 eves. It is 'pocket money' and those that would like more money supplement this with babysitting for other people (or for the host family - you should pay extra if you want them to do more than 2 nights). We knew of one that did cleaning on the side, as she had so much daytime 'spare time' (and wasn't doing language classes). Some get 'extras' (mobile phone, contribution towards travel or language classes), others don't.

The thing these families all have in common is that they don't ask their APs to do anything unreasonable - no heavy cleaning etc, and they make them feel included and happy. That's almost more important than what you pay them.

I've had friends from London do the reverse, ie work as au pairs in France & Germany, & had all sorts of challenges - only 1/2 a day off a week, living in a tiny flat, looking after newborn twins, barely any pocket money, you name it. So: pay market rate (but don't feel the need to overpay), be kind to them, treat them like family and not a slave, and you'll be ok.

Thanks so much guys. These posts are extremely helpful.

Trying to determine a fair market rate is bang on and I appreciate you conducting the poll for me

I am also quite unsure about having a new housemate truth be told as is my husband.

I've basically gone back to the girl and told her I'll come up,with something that seems to be fair market, but also have given her a heads up that she could probably get a lot more if she looks elsewhere in the area. I won't begrudge her in the slightest if she goes for that and it's obviously better for me to find out that sooner rather than later.

Thanks again guys. I really really appreciate your feedback.

Hi all --

So my tuppence is that you should pay a "fair market rate". And in my view, the best way to work out what the fair market rate is for the area you live is to ask as many people as possible in your area what they are paying. That way, when they meet other au pairs in the park, they will be roughly on the same rate and there will be no resentment - and she's much less likely to get poached.

To get you started I asked 7 of my Mum friends (all living between the commons) who have live in Nannies and au pairs what they are paying. Here are the results for you:-

3 live-in nannies: between £300-350 per week net
These are professional experienced nannies working approx 45-60 hours a week plus 2 nights babysitting, one during the week and one at the weekend. They get room and bills included but not food, toiletries etc. Mostly, they do not eat with the family or "hang out" with them unless specifically invited to do so.

4 au pairs: between £80-£110 per week net (shock horror everybody! )
These typcially "work" 20-25 hours per week and are as @HM says viewed like "big sisters" (or brothers). They get their board and lodging, food, toiletries, phone etc paid for and typically will eat with the family, as if they were a member of the family. The rate does not typically include babysitting so they are encouraged to find/do babysitting, or sometimes cleaning,on the side which can help them supplement their "pocket money".

Just as a footnote, I'm just coming off maternity leave and during that time I paid myself £400 (pocket money) pcm to see how far that would go. It was more than enough (excluding all the things an au pair would get like food, toiletries, household bills etc.) But then I included wine in the "household bills" and I don't have an expensive Amazon habit (yet)

Hope it works out @HM

xx

Hi all --

So my tuppence is that you should pay a "fair market rate". And in my view, the best way to work out what the fair market rate is for the area you live is to ask as many people as possible in your area what they are paying. That way, when they meet other au pairs in the park, they will be roughly on the same rate and there will be no resentment - and she's much less likely to get poached.

To get you started I asked 7 of my Mum friends (all living between the commons) who have live in Nannies and au pairs what they are paying. Here are the results for you:-

3 live-in nannies: between £300-350 per week net
These are professional experienced nannies working approx 45-60 hours a week plus 2 nights babysitting, one during the week and one at the weekend. They get room and bills included but not food, toiletries etc. Mostly, they do not eat with the family or "hang out" with them unless specifically invited to do so.

4 au pairs: between £80-£110 per week net (shock horror everybody! )
These typcially "work" 20-25 hours per week and are as @HM says viewed like "big sisters" (or brothers). They get their board and lodging, food, toiletries, phone etc paid for and typically will eat with the family, as if they were a member of the family. The rate does not typically include babysitting so they are encouraged to find/do babysitting, or sometimes cleaning,on the side which can help them supplement their "pocket money".

Just as a footnote, I'm just coming off maternity leave and during that time I paid myself £400 (pocket money) pcm to see how far that would go. It was more than enough (excluding all the things an au pair would get like food, toiletries, household bills etc.) But then I included wine in the "household bills" and I don't have an expensive Amazon habit (yet)

Hope it works out @HM

xx

just read through some of these because i was toying with the idea of getting another au pair. i have had many in the past when my 4 kids were very little. I desperately needed help and it was cost effective to have an au pair.

I think that if you have at least 2 kids then maybe it's worth it for you. 100 pounds a week is normal in central London, but if you have just one child you can probably get help in different ways. once you have more kids and you are stretched too thin then you should consider the au pair.

by the way, all my au pairs were lovely but I hated having someone in my house all the time. after everyone was in bed I wanted to sit by myself and just read. with an au pair, sometimes they want to talk or cook or just sit with you. i was never alone. didn't like that. as i type this, i am alone in my house with my dog drinking my coffee and no one is asking me how to get to X. I used to worry if they didn't come home when they said they would too. It's like another kid in the house despite the help.

Hope that helps.

Hello Herculesmum

My friend and colleague who has used au pairs for years sent me this:

An au pair/au pair plus is a young person aged between 17 and 27 who provides childcare in exchange for living with a family abroad. Au pairs usually come to England to gain a greater understanding of English and to experience a new culture. An au pair may work up to 25 hours a week, 5 days a week; an au pair plus up to 38 hours per week, 5 days a week, plus babysitting 1-2 nights a week. Those from within the EU may work as an au pair or au pair plus; those from a non-EU country may only work as au pairs. However the experience of both is the same. An au pair should be treated as part of the family; eat with them and have their own bedroom. An au pair is not a trained nanny, nor a domestic servant or housekeeper. An au pair should not have sole charge of children under 3 years.

Au pairs are entitled to 4 weeks’ paid holiday for every 12 months’ employment, as well as all public holidays off.

She pays £100 per week.
Hope that is useful.

@Seriously I agree that I wouldn't want to compare a nanny to an au pair. I think that's unfair on nannys who come with significantly higher qualifications and experience (or I should hope so) and so they deserve Significantly higher pay.

I also think I've come around to the idea of pay more but offer less extras. I think you're right I'll end up spendng less and the au pair would feel better off because she'd be getting more cash in hand.

On another note I said I'd start a new forum for those of us who want to try living on £400.

I've been very careful to record my sendings so a, well on track to knowing where I stand.

I'll start the new topic now

I never dreamed this would be such a contentious topic, but thank you everyone for the inputs. It gives us lots of food for thought before we decide if we go ahead with the au pair and if we do how we proceed. It seems paying slightly more for longer hours works best or if we can't afford the higher rate we don't do it. Simples.

Apologies for going quiet. I don't have any help yet so been running around like a headless chook (Autraliansim).!

Seriously? - Having been both an au pair and a nanny, I think you have been a little harsh! (Have you had a bad experience with an au pair?) Anyone who has sole charge of your children plays a big role in the way of family life. It might be a "cushy" deal for the au pair, but no one is forcing the parents to employ an au pair. I agree with gail0810, au pairs are a great cheap way of getting around childcare costs! I was an au pair and I certainly was not another child in the house, I became an incredibly close friend to both the mother and the father. I agree this is an au pair who is not working as many hours as the most, but I only worked 25 hours a week and was paid really well ( £120 a week). I was never bought any toiletries, and travel wasn't really an expense needed as the mother would drive me anywhere I wanted to go (we weren't in London). I would pay £100 a week at least and let her pay for everything except for food. As for the food situation ask her what she likes to eat before she arrives so you have some food in stock for her.

I have had au pairs doing similar roles, I.e., nursery pick up and 1 or 2 nights baby sitting. Regardless of what other people have said, this is a very cushy deal for an au pair, and it really is just a bit of helping out with logistics. Nothing at all like the responsibilities a Nanny would be employed for, so you can't really compare. Not to mention that an au pair will be like an extra child in your house, not an employee. So Nanny salary comparisons are not very helpful in this context.

80 is probably a little on the light side as although the role will not involve as much as a typical au pair doing school pick ups, you can't really expect to pay less because you don't really have enough hours. 90 would be better but don't underestimate the cost of travel. Maybe pay 100 and exclude travel? It will be cheaper than 80 + travel. Australians sometimes command a bit more though, as they have English and come from a country with very high minimum wage!

When you think of the cost, don't underestimate having the au pair there when you child is sick and can't go to nursery. We have always agreed with our that although they usually do very few hours, we would like them to be flexible and help our more on occasions when, for example, child could not go to nursery. All have been happy to have this arrangement. I didn't pay extra - it all evens out.

Good luck!