My son flexi boards, so there is more opportunity to meet with local friends at the weekend. Whereas my daughter is a full boarder, her school being nearly 300 miles away. When she is back home on exeat or holidays, she meets up with local friends she made at primary school, our neighbours and family. We don't find it a problem. In selecting your boarding school, you want the match as close to ‘home from home’ in care and values. If it helps, I've written a guide which you may find useful http://www.subscribepage.com/freescholarships

I boarded (and loved it) and so did my husband. In our experience your friends will be from school / fellow boarders. I fully boarded so spent weekends at school or with weekly boarders' families.

Hello

I have close acquaintance with children who have been weekly boarders at a senior school for several years. They did not keep their outside friends once they started boarding, but that's normal I think. As they spend their whole week in close company with their friends, socialising every evening and sharing a dorm etc., there is less need for social contact on the weekends. They prefer a quieter life, sleeping late, going online, and playing computer games, as they aren't allowed to do these things at their school.

All families have their reasons for choosing boarding, depending on the family circumstances and the children's needs and personalities. Weekly boarding has worked well in this situation as it has ensured the children stay attached to their family while receiving a good education and being in a stable living situation. The family is able to be aware quite quickly if any problems are arising or if the children are showing signs of unhappiness; full boarding would have been inadequate for the children's emotional and attachment needs. They have houseparents, but these people are not really 'parental'; they watch over the children's basic safety and enforce the school's rules, but do not form relationships with the individual children.

They can opt to stay on the weekends when they like, for outings etc., but they rarely do.

It is a big decision and should be based on what the child needs, not on convenience or custom.

From what I gather from friends who have children boarding and from my friends who boarded themselves, i think it is rare for boarders to have close 'home friends' on top of their boarding friends.

This has been quite tricky for one of my close friends. Her daughter was a weekly boarder but was regularly asking to go and stay at her boarding friends' houses for the weekend or to stay at school. She has now finally got her way and will be full boarding from January. It is what the girl wants, but accepting that has been very hard for her mum, especially as she is an only child.

I can't help you with what difference a boarding school makes, but essentially changing your children's schools will change the dynamic in their friendship circles - there is no getting away from that.

My son changed schools about a year ago, he very rarely sees any of the children from that school - although is in regular contact with a few (a couple due to them attending the same sports club) . Also, some children have left his current school, and he has no contact with them (despite being apparently good friends).

Thank you very much for all the answers so far, it's really useful.

To answer some comments: it's about senior schools that I'm asking. Hanging with friends at the weekend is I know quite crucial for teenagers so that's what I'm trying to figure out. Which friends do they hang out (from the school only, from previous schools/activities locally before they boarded), where and when?

Looking forward for some more views, maybe particularly from parents of girls as I get a sense that the proportion of boys in boarding schools is higher, therefore not the same configuration.

Thank you

I completely 'get' Petal's point of view and have plenty of friends who wouldn't dream of sending their children to board, either at senior school or especially at prep school, and I respect their position. However, I think it is a real case of 'horses for courses' - if parents are in the fortunate position of being able to choose from the huge array of private schools, boarding and day, and if they have a child or children who would really benefit from boarding, it can be a great option.

I don't get the impression that you feel you have to consider boarding just because you are living in England, Monaco - if boarding would really suit your daughter, you're very wise to consider that option amongst the others, as the decision to send your child to an English boarding school is very different from the French version, as you say.

So, as background to answer your questions from my own limited experience, Monaco, I have one child at full boarding school and one at a London day school - they are close in age but very different children indeed. They both went to day school until 13, so we had them both at home for those very important childhood years but, once they are in their teens, their needs and family dynamic can change. Our older one always wanted to board and absolutely LOVES it, whilst his brother really didn't want to board so he's very happy too at day school.

You asked about how friendships work for boarders, and I would say, completely honestly, that my boarding child has a far better social life than his day pupil sibling - it's partly down to his very sociable nature (his brother is much less gregarious and likes his own company), but he has made wonderful friends at boarding school and sees a lot of them on exeat (ie home) weekends and in the holidays. I agree completely with sleep5candle's comments on the difference between weekly and full boarding - the 'full' option gives them all the benefits, including social, of a boarding school and, personally, I would always advocate full boarding even though it takes a lot of getting used to - but you may need to be prepared for the possibility that your daughter will want to stay in school most weekends because they have such a great time! My son doesn't see that many friends from his London prep school these days, but is certainly fully immersed in his friendships at school. Many of his school friends now live outside London - fairly typical of boarding school profiles, I guess - but remember that, after the age of 13 when they go to boarding senior school, they are happy travelling by train to visit each other and this is great for independence. We love having his non-London friends to stay as they are all, without exception so far, charming and great company and, as an unexpected bonus, we have made some good friends amongst their parents too.

He is at a co-ed school which has both boarding and day pupils, with a fair number from many other countries including France, so a really interesting, cosmopolitan mix and lots of wonderful qualities over and above the amazing facilities which are to be found in most of these private schools - if you would like to discuss the school with me, Monaco, just PM me and I'll be happy to do so. Be prepared for a biassed opinion, though, as we love his school almost as much as he does!

sleep5candle wrote:Original post didn't specify prep or senior.
However the main points hold true. Many schools do flexi boarding which is convenient for parents but means that there is often a very depleted boarding house, no real sense of community, activities and no real benefits. Those that do Saturday school or are true full boarding schools give children an extra something. They feel that they are part of something rather than just being parked in school as a convenience. Many will disagree with me I'm sure but that is my opinion having visited many boarding schools both prep and senior.
Good luck to the original poster and do as much research and visiting as you can. Taster nights can also be helpful.

boarding at the prep age is relatively rare these days, even the dragon school is 75% day pupils. it's an important distinction as there are virtually no full boarding prep schools.

Military families make up the a large chunk of those that do board at the prep level.

in general terms though, you are correct about your characterisation of the challenges of flexi boarding. it does diminish the boarding experience but equally many people want to be more hands on and flexi boarding is one way to do it.

Original post didn't specify prep or senior.
However the main points hold true. Many schools do flexi boarding which is convenient for parents but means that there is often a very depleted boarding house, no real sense of community, activities and no real benefits. Those that do Saturday school or are true full boarding schools give children an extra something. They feel that they are part of something rather than just being parked in school as a convenience. Many will disagree with me I'm sure but that is my opinion having visited many boarding schools both prep and senior.
Good luck to the original poster and do as much research and visiting as you can. Taster nights can also be helpful.

The dragon school is excellent, but worth pointing out it is a prep school not a senior school.

Our son boards at the Dragon in Oxford. He absolutely loves it. All pupils have Saturday morning lessons after which you can collect them, visit them or if they have sports matches you can watch. There are often sports fixtures during the week too if you are able to attend. Most weekends we see him, however the list of activities and the facilities at the weekend are so great that occasionally he asks to stay! The boarding houses don't empty at the weekend so there isn't that sad feeling you get as some boarding schools where they totally empty out and there is nothing to do. I would say that boarding kids are split between mainly London parents and overseas parents. We see other kids and their parents in London and Oxford during the holidays. I would say go and see schools for yourselves. We visited lots and the Dragon had by far the happiest vibe. We don't regret it for a second. Our son absolutely loves it and the communication between school, houseparents and us is superb.

Hi all

Being French, boarding school is not something positive (you generally send your kids there if they have big issues) but having lived here long enough, I am now considering all options for our daughter.

One question I have is about the weekend. If your daughter/boy is at a weekly boarding school, how do they interact with other teenagers/friends at the weekend once back locally here? Do they hang out with their former primary school friends or have those moved on?

Looking forward to views of parents with children boarding outside of London.

Many thanks