ha ha I wonder....!

actuallyadad, sometimes I think I recognise you as the husband of a friend of mine and now I hope you are not if you find most of her friends dull

My husband sounds a lot like yours, but was chatting with him after I saw your post and he mentioned he is quiet happy to not have friends- he has work colleagues to have beer with, finds people to play tennis, and has the occasional phone calls with his university buddies...
Both of us have moved around a lot, and we have only been in UK for the the last year- I worked hard to find friends and it hasn't been easy but he is quiet happy with work, tennis? And family time.

If your husband is happy, then don't worry

Does he have any hobbies or interests that he could go and do (and then meet like minded people). Also, any partners of your friends that he might get on with? Sounds like you're a lovely caring wife.
Only need a couple of good mates in life.

wow you inspired me to text a couple of mates and suggest a beer...

But the thing is, I find I am getting grumpier and the people I am texting for a beer often annoy me, and the reality is that with a busy job and a family I'm happy without legions of friends! Plus which my wife has enough for both of us (even though I think most of them are quite dull!) and I'm often trying to avoid their dinner invitations. So my advice is don't worry, he is probably actually fine!

My husband is the same! He is very happy though so I don't worry about it. Also, you won't be able to 'fix' his life for him, it is up to him really!

Hi
Thank you so much for all your replies.

I think I'll have to accept that we're probably a bit different and it's nothing to worry about.

Thank you again.

This post is so like my husband. When we met he had so many friends. Always out, having people around, picnics, tennis, traveling.... Over the last 10 years many of his friends moved out of London or changed country. Then he started his own business which means no colleagues. And now we have a 2 year old and the last two years were quite isolating due to little one being seriously unwell.
So now he hardly has any friends in London and none in the area. He is such a nice guy, fun and outgoing but getting really depressed lately because of this social isolation. It's heartbreaking really. He goes to see football (Arsenal fan), occasionally meeting old friends but that's about it.

themotherofdragons, I'm sure it's most definitely not your or your children's fault!
People's lives are just busy (I spend 2 hr per day commuting, 1 hr each way - if I was living in a smaller city that time could be spent with family/friends instead)...
Most people have friends from university/school and from work (past and present). So, a few thoughts:
1. Could your husband try to get in touch with university/school friends who have children of the same age as yours? That could work.
2. Friends from work - they don't have to be from his team, maybe he can do coffee/lunch/pints with colleagues from other teams who are more his age? Traditionally work colleagues go out on Thursday evenings (and with time and if he finds colleagues with whom he gets on well, it can progress to meeting up on the weekends with the families)
3. Friends from your children's school/nursery. Generally every year there are at least about 3 parents nights out organised by the PTA (Christmas party, end of year party, fundraisers, etc).
Among my children's school friends, about 10% of the families have made friends with other families from the school and they meet up at the weekend/go on holidays together. Yes, most families will be too busy at the weekend, but there will still be some who are open.
4. As others mentioned, a sports club. I have seen recently a group of guys from a local badminton club (black arrows I think) going for dinner on Sundays after the club....so something along those lines would work

Finally, try not to get frustrated by it. If you happen to find families whom you like and you become friends - great, but if not there are so many amazing things to do in London at the weekends!

This is an unusually honest and terribly sad thread. There's a lot of lonely people out there, and London is pretty damn cruel. We're all so busy being busy and pretending that life is fabulous, but you can find yourself very isolated, particularly if you have no family nearby. I see more of my friends in the States and Ireland than I do those in London...

My husband could have written this post about me . I often do feel lonely, and just don't have enough friends. Acquaintances plenty. I moved to the UK 12! years ago and you would think in 12 years you manage to make some friends. I did think it was me, but I think it's just more that people's lives are too full. I am also not into a lot of the things other women do. E.g. you suggest football and pint, but that may well not be his thing. At home I have a lot of male friends too, but that seems rather impossible in the UK.

That said, it took me ages to find 'my kind of people' in my own country too. Haven't found them yet here. My husband resorted to organising my social life: inviting work colleagues with their wives, organising parties with people from my sons school and so on. It didn't really work, as of course he couldn't really select who would like me. So no point going that route.

Recently I told a friend/acquaintance that I love camping but my husband hates it so I really miss it. Just go with a group of friends she said...I had no idea how to answer that. I don't know anyone who I could ask. That just sounded too sad to be true. She herself is from my country and has lived here for 12 years and has heaps of friends: running friends, a book club, coffee morning friends, annual Caribbean holiday friends and friends from back home that use her house to explore the UK from. I don't have any of those. Even though I do have friends back home, I go and visit them but - regardless of how many times I invite them - they are too busy to come and visit me. Didn't want this to sound like a long litany of complaints. Sorry.

I have now just accepted I have to learn to be happy on my own. I have stopped always organising BBQs, movie nights, inviting people over to an evening at the theatre (gosh I accidentally have 2 tickets), and joining clubs to meet people. It just hasn't worked for me. I meet lots of nice people through work (I work part-time), and go to coffee mornings with the other mums, and have a chat with other people at the yard where my horse is. But that's just it. And stopping to care sort of worked. But...was asked to do more at scouts, perhaps that's a way to more friendships. Am going to try again...I did join the organising committee for their fundraising last year and that didn't really work, but will keep on trying.

It's just not easy to make friends this age. Thanks for letting me know.

I think a lot of men are like this though. It's whether they're bothered by it that is the question. My husband's school and uni friends mainly live out of London and he has 2 or 3 friends in London but that's about it. Mind you, he doesn't really care, he works long hours and is happy seeing friends only occasionally and generally when I organise something.

He gets on well with some of my friends' husbands, would that route be an avenue to explore? And I have made some nice mum friends since I had my little ones, and my husband has gotten to know some of the dads also, and we've gone out to dinner etc together on occasion. What about parents of the kids' school friends? A lot of the Northcote Road crowd that have met at HW and BV schools all hang out together, holiday together etc.

I have also found from doing activities on weekends with the children - ballet, playball etc - that it's often the dads that take the kids and perhaps he could do that and start talking to other dads?

Finally I know from the St Mark's playgroup on Battersea rise that they run a Men Behaving Dadly on the first Saturday of every month. I don't think it's godly, per se. Might be worth checking out. http://www.smbr.org.uk/Groups/253698/MBD.aspx

ps. I should probably point out here that our children are not monsters and have friends so highly unlikely they put people off!

No, he gets frustrated about it Flowermummy. He is also very social and loves entertaining, is happy to do all the hard work, hosting and so on, but we seem to have a lot of friendly acquaintances but no close friends. Every time we try to take things to the next level, invite people round or suggest doing something together with the kids on Saturday or Sunday, everyone is too busy. It's so easy to get paranoid and start thinking that there is something wrong with us but then, we never had these problems when we were younger and before we had kids. We are both new to Clapham (moved here a few years ago) so it was a new and exiting start for us but we didn't expect it to be this hard to make new friends...

themotherofdragons, I think you are absolutely right, it’s quite hard to make new good friends as you get older – I would say mainly because people with families have very little time to make new friends (though it can happen, for example with families you meet at your childrens’ schools, as you end up going to the same children's parties, school events, etc).
But I wonder, is this something your husbands want, or just something you think they want?
Both my husband and I work full time, so in the evenings and at weekends we are really only interested in spending time with our children and each other. Many times we actively try to get out of seeing family or events with friends…
I imagine if you stay at home you may feel differently, as you have the children all the time. Maybe your husbands are not that interested in making new friends and much prefer quality time with the family?