ok i have been reading all these posts and without myself being accused of being "holyer than ou" or whatever i have to agree that if i saw something that really shocked me regards a parent hitting a child or being violent/abusive i would be hard pushed not to make my feelings known.

some people think its ok to hit children BUT there have been circumstances where parents have gotten away with abuse to children under the old "reasonable chastisement law" with people too concerned about the parents feelings and the idea of a creating a "nanny state" (as someone suggested) that you would be interfering in family life more so than with the protection of the childrens interests and well being.

Whilst i agree that anybody can lose their cool and this incident could of been a one off,the bottom line is that hittng children is wrong and aggressive abusive behaviour to children is WRONG.

Thier are many other none agressive ways to dicipline you're child you do not have to be a teacher, you just have to set boundaries and stick to them from an ealry age.

If some carers behave this way(aggressivlely) in public think of what could (not saying does) go on behind closed doors at home . The first lady who posted you were right to be concerned and i empethise with you and would feel exactly the same way.

If everyone did just stand by and think agressive behaviour witnessed "well thats ok none of my business its a family thing" then clearly we are not doing the best in looking out for our kids ( as a whole) welfare.

Physical violence is wrong. It is even more wrong when done to children as they are more vulnerable that adults. of course we are all driven to limits some days by our children and life in general and there are times when we might feel like lashing out but what messages does this give to our children. If a child is hit by an adult (whether parent, nanny ) as punishment for hitting another child surely at best this is a mixed message. As parents we have a huge responsibility to look after our children and model (as much as possible) how to deal with things responsibly. This is how they learn.

As to whether to intervene, it's hard to say as each situation is different and no-one wants to make a bad situation worse but I think sometimes we should. When I see parents swearing at their children, belittling them or hitting them I always wonder if this is how they behave in public how bad is it at home.

I think parents need more support in how to parent positively as well as support to just cope with life without taking stresses out on their children. But it is very hard to do, not just because of lack of funding but because it is such a sensitive area.

Have I snapped at my daughter and regretted it, even when she was being totally unreasonable. Yes of course. It's my job to look after her and I don't believe hitting her (ever) would do either of us any good

Yes I know what you mean - about the school being mentioned. I'm being honest here - it's probably why I reacted as strongly as I have done in my posts as I have a child at the Garrads Road site of Broomwood Hall and so couldn't help feeing a little defensive and protective as obviously that mother walking across Tooting Common is at the same school. I have no idea who it is. But I feel terrible about my last comment as there was no need for me to get quite so personal and rude and I hope that the original poster can accept my apology.

Mingokat

ps. It really wasn't me though - I drive my little one to school as I have others to drop off at different schools!!!

Well said Supergirl.

I think being a parent is the most difficult job in the world and for which there are no schools/universities... As all of you would agree with me it is a trying and learn approaches every single minutes of every single day. One day one method will work and will not work the day after, our children have a mind of their own!!!

I feel terrible for that little girl, not because of the smack om the bottom that she might have deserved, but for being put down in her esteem by her mum. Mothers are extremely powerful and have a great influence over their children and it is being talk down like that that is actually the trauma NOT the odd smack on the bottom.
I loose it sometimes by having a shorther bout of patience with my two daughters but never ever have I being mean to them or insulting them.

I also feel very much for the little boy who have witnessed it all and probably felt (although it might be difficult for him to put any word or concept on it) sorry that his cries might have the trigger and that he should have been stronger... I am only taking a guess there but children are very intelligent and understand a lot more than we credit them for; also they do feel responsible when their parents are not happy and often they put the blame on themselves...

Finally, I feel terribly sorry for that poor mum who obviously couldnt find the resources in herself to react in a different way. It takes a lot of strength and sometimes you cant, you just cant anymore. I am sure she is the one filled with a lot of regrets and shame.

It is always difficult to sense for a passerby when protection starts and when interfering in somebody's private life stops... Maybe gently and kindly offering a hand to the mum or to go for a coffee after the school run so she can put it all out would have been a good way? Or maybe not?
I don't know what is the answer, but I do feel that being a mum could be sometimes a very lonely world despite all the playgroups/playdates.

My only issue with this thread was why the original poster felt the need to mention the school the mother was allegedly going to.
Not relevent at all.

I don't think what Mingokat said was harsh at all, and certainly not bitchy just because she disagreed with the original post, I agree it was a bit 'holier than thou' in it's tone if I'm honest. I'm glad that most of the posts have been a bit more realistic - I think the original posters comment were a bit harsh actually, as do most people on here by the look of the thread - there's a HUGE difference between abuse and physical discipline - it is not illegal and parents have every right to go down this route if they so wish and there's no way to know what that person would or wouldn't do if faced with the same situation on a less stressful day. No-one is saying it's a great idea to wallop your kids every time but sometimes it's a last resort that happens. You just cannot take these instances out of context and think it's a good idea to wade in with your own opinions - look what happened to the poor woman at the cafe, no-one wants that! Again, no-one's perfect and people should be less judgemental.

OK perhaps I was a little harsh. Sorry.

Mingocat,
I think thats a really mean thing to say.

One of the things I like about NappyValleyNet is that it isn't as mean and bitchy as some other forums out there.

A few manners wouldn't hurt.

Well done to the original poster for bringing this up!

Thank you!

AA

Mingokat, that's a bit mean to the original poster. Watching someone lose control like that can be a bit shocking, especially if it something you yourself haven't experienced.

Recently I saw a mum screaming and swearing at her daughter (i guess about age 2 or 3) in our street (as in "shut the f*** up, you little *****"). It went on for a while. I didn't intervene (although I was debating what to do), but she then saw me, stopped and walked off. She looked quite embarrassed.

It upset me for quite a while. I hope it was a one off and that's not how she talks to her kid all the time.

None of us are perfect parents, and we can all get it wrong from time to time. But, if we see something which really looks abusive, then personally I think it's better to speak up rather than ignore it and hope the child will be OK.

Mingokat - my post was in response to Yorkshirepudding who mentioned other books she had tried
Nothing wrong with old fashioned approaches if they are working for you

Also - the other thing that slightly struck me about the original posting is how "mwamwa" could'nt seem to think of anything else for ...... 2 weeks!!!! Does mwamwa need to perhaps find something else to do with her life!!?

Child manuals and parenting classes!!!! Goldhawk - is this the answer? Probably why you come across the way you do. Don't underestimate the old fashioned way of raising children - trial and error, and human feelings, no less. no offence meant though.

Well said Megberry!

If I slap you or an adult member of my family I can be charged with common assault

Why should that not apply to a child?
Why is it okay to hit them?