Difficult situation to find yourself in and an interesting dilemma. As a general rule, I do find things are often not what they appear to be in life and one should try to avoid assuming.

Schools do have to be rigorous in going through bursary applicants’ financial situations in detail as they are accountable at their end for any bursaries awarded. To my knowledge this includes annual provision of bank statements/P60/tax returns etc, so it may well be that your friends’ situation is not as solvent as it appears and sadly, they may be spending beyond their means.

A discreet way of reassuring yourself might be to check anonymously with the school as to the proofs of income they require for bursary applications. You could also, perhaps, find a benign way to ask your friend how they manage with expensive lifestyle etc given they have qualified for a bursary place.

Whatever you decide to do, hope it goes well.

[i]This winds me up! I think taking a place that should go to a child who genuinely needs it, is both immoral and totally dishonest. Just because the system allows parents to do this, doesn’t make it right. It’s would make me feel very uncomfortable and I question your friend, or her husbands ethics.

Having said that, I am not sure how you should proceed. If you were that sure about saying something, I wouldn’t say anything unless anonymously, but you would also have to consider that IF she hasn’t told anyone else except you, then she will know who has told the school.

I guess it depends on how much you value your friendship, and whether you will be able to bite your tongue if they ever mention it, or about why they have supposedly been offered a bursary.

Personally we sent our kids to private school and made lots of personal sacrifices to do so, and would never have considered trying to scam the system. I don’t see your comments as being jealous, rather than indignant!

[/i]

Just the sheer silliness of the reply saying [i]"...the politics of the envy has no place in public school..."[/i] makes me want to say that OP should squeal but in practice I very likely wouldn't myself, having been in vaguely similar positions myself in the past. This is undoubtedly a form of stealing, with presumably very large sums involved, but the 'victims' of the crime are a bit hard to identify, & might well in practice just be another sharp-elbowed, moderately well-heeled, family who could afford the fees if push came to shove.

I'd on balance probably say nothing but try to turn the friendship down a notch or two.

The bursary system is very vague, differs wildly by school, and is often decided upon on a case by case basis. You don’t know the factors that the school considered to offer the bursary. After investigation they may already know that there were ‘errors’ in the application but decided to remain discrete as there were other factors.

It could be that the child is very bright and it’s more of a scholarship, or a bit of both. It could be very minimal. It will probably be reassessed every year.

Also, this child having the bursary doesn’t deprive someone else of a place. The parents may well have paid full fees if they had to. Schools don’t have a bursary target. If they hadn’t given this bursary they may not have given the funding to anyone else.

Quite simply there are too many unknowns, it is none of your business and you were told in confidence.

In your shoes I wouldn't as they could be borderline eligible , from what I've seen the bursary system is quite vague. I can see why you'd be annoyed - for us as well paying fees for 2 will have a significant impact on us and would come with sacrifices. But we know for certain we wouldn't be eligible for any financial help and would never dream of playing the system. From what I've heard what your friend is doing is more common than you might think and the uptake from families with bright children with lower incomes is low- many worry they won't fit in.
The point is you will be playing with the child's future and I personally would not be comfortable with it even if I disapprove strongly and feel resentment. The onus is on the school to check stringently and make more effort to recruit and appeal to families from lower incomes to take up bursaries and lower the expectations for entry exams. Are they doing that? I know Latymer does but I'm not sure if many schools are making much effort- I actually dont know if they are, but they should.

Ratski "leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid." 👎

Snobby much?

It's potentially fraud, if not, completely immoral because taking the place of a kid who could actually do with that place (even if sadly they decide not to use the opportunity as in Ratski's examples) and a huge amount of effort goes into funding those bursaries. If you turn a blind eye to fraud as some on here are suggesting then what else would you turn a blind eye too? 

As for friendship - is that the sort of friend you really want, one that rips off the system? 

I can't work out why envy is being mentioned here either. Envy of having the low morals it would take to rip off the system while your friends are paying full fees?

True, nobody likes a snitch, so do it anonymously. A fraudster is beyond the pale compared to a snitch.

[quote=Ratski post_id=244022 time=1563178022 user_id=44704]
Nothing new unfortunately, when I was at school pretty much every kid on an assisted place or bursary either had parents who ran their own business so could cook the books or wealthy divorcees. Then you had all the teachers kids who didn’t pay anything at all.

The two who did come from underprivileged backgrounds one dropped out just before his GCSEs never to be seen again and the other didn’t want to stay for sixth form because she didn’t like the suits we had to wear. She ended up working in a chocolate factory.

I do think part of the blame lies with the schools who often would prefer to take these children from a ‘well nurtured home’ who might have told a few fibs on the bursary form rather than some talented kid from a single parent family living in council tower block. Less risk and more chance of the place been used to its full potential.

But at the end of the day nobody likes a snitch and the politics of the envy has no place in public school, leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid.
[/quote]


Completely agree with all the above. Well done for putting it so eloquently better than me.

I think you should mind your own business personally.


If she's your "friend" like you say, you would have told her to her face instead of coming on a public forum asking for "advice".


Glad my friends aren't like you.

Nothing new unfortunately, when I was at school pretty much every kid on an assisted place or bursary either had parents who ran their own business so could cook the books or wealthy divorcees. Then you had all the teachers kids who didn’t pay anything at all.

The two who did come from underprivileged backgrounds one dropped out just before his GCSEs never to be seen again and the other didn’t want to stay for sixth form because she didn’t like the suits we had to wear. She ended up working in a chocolate factory.

I do think part of the blame lies with the schools who often would prefer to take these children from a ‘well nurtured home’ who might have told a few fibs on the bursary form rather than some talented kid from a single parent family living in council tower block. Less risk and more chance of the place been used to its full potential.

But at the end of the day nobody likes a snitch and the politics of the envy has no place in public school, leave that for Marxists indoctrinating the kids at the state schools you are trying to avoid.

Tricky one but I agree with dudette. If you value your friendship with this family, I would stay out of it (if not, then make an anonymous phone call).

Be prepared for some tongue-biting moments in the future though if they start talking about the achievements of their son - he must be bright to have got the bursary...

Good luck...

I would be extremely careful about saying anything. While what she did was wrong (maybe it was her husband’s idea and she feels guilty) she presumably told you confidentially and by telling the school you are breaking that trust with the potential consequence of her child having to leave the school as well as potentially causing huge problem for her marriage if her husband told her not to tell anyone. If she finds out it was you (and if you are the only person she’s told it won’t be tricky) then I think you’ll have made an enemy for life. It would be a big can of worms you’re opening up and it’s not like another kid’s life chances have been ruined - there are perfectly good state schools in this country. I can see why you’re annoyed and you have every right to be but I think you should keep quiet.

It doesn't just have to be about whether it would affect you as an individual but also whether it would affect other families who could genuinely benefit from a bursary. I'm sure there are plenty families who would love to be able to send their children to the school but genuinely can't afford it so it doesn't seem fair that one child's parents are being given a huge discount so they can have luxuries that most people can't afford anyway. If you know for sure that they have been dishonest I would report it. Ideally I'd speak to your friend directly first and tell them you don't think what they have done is fair and explain why, maybe they just haven't considered the consequences for other people. Speaking directly about that topic is probably easier said than done though.

I don't think this is about the deception but that you are perhaps envious that her son has been offered a place and a bursary. Although what she has done is wrong, I can't see how it affects you. I am not even sure it is a criminal offence. Before you go to the school, think about whether you want a child's education disrupted because of something his mother did. If they don't get the bursary, would your child get the bursary? I don't think so. At the end of the day, not only would you make enemies of that family but you will not benefit from the school's decision. So what would be the point of you going to the school about it?

I'd tell the school, on the quiet, and let them decide what to do. I think that's all you can do really. Knowing how much effort goes into funding those subsidised places it's just not on that they go to kids whose parents bend the rules. There is also a non-British, non-EU family at our school who I am pretty sure have not just bent, but broken the rules: off-shore money and business, frequent flights, expensive jewellery and holidays and their kid is on a bursary but they can't have declared their actual wealth on the bursary application. Makes me crazy actually as there are kids who genuinely need these places, plus this family are never around at all those tedious money raising events to fund the bursaries. I think I've just convinced myself that I will tip off the school.