Dinosaur, you have made some excellent observations of where this starts in some prep schools. I wholly agree and witnessed this in my daughters prep too. Luckily my daughter was not interested in the alpha types having experienced a little bit of it in her previous state primary. It is utterly rubbish of schools and parents turn a blind eye and children end up suffering as a result. I can see how this can be endemic in prep schools with excellent exit results. In my view character is way more important than academic achievements.
Magnolia mum, I'm glad to see the school is addressing the revelations from everyones invited so rigourously. It has shaken the confidence of parents. My daughter's friend's parents withdrew her acceptance from Latymer Upper a school that was mentioned a lot. As she had offers from other schools she managed to secure one of the others she had turned down pretty quickly. I do feel very bad for the children already there and those who never behaved like that to have the reputation of the school damaged.
Definitely time for a massive change and to tackle this awful behaviour. It was heartbreaking reading the stories.

I would argue that one of the issues mentioned in the Dulwich letter is this element of privilege, of some children thinking they are better than others and this feeds into their treatment of others. 

This resonated with me as a nanny of children at local prep schools over the years. One prep school in particular has a well-established "make way for the A team" sentiment which has been upsetting for the other children in the year. I've seen various charges struggle with mental health issues thinking they don't measure up to the judgement of certain children who have proclaimed themselves to be the cool/popular crowd. The school have done nothing to tackle this in spite of numerous reports from parents. Many feel that schools do not want to upset the parents of the children involved because "they are parents you just don't mess with". This education could and should start in the prep schools too. 

[size=100][font=Calibri,sans-serif]Shocking and upsetting as these revelations are, I think it's important to try to put them into some perspective. The Everyone's Invited site kept the stories anonymous but allowed the schools to be named in order to show how widespread the problem was (although they are not dated so could cover a wide time-frame), but now the schools that are mentioned are being accused of having a r*** culture that taints everyone who attends them. 

My older son is now at uni but went to one of the all boys day schools that featured on the site. He didn't go to wild parties and he hung out with friends whose values he shared. They socialised a lot but mainly in smaller groups in people’s houses, with parents around. I'm not claiming there’s no truth in the allegations, just that our experience was that my son and his friends weren't turned into misogynists by going to the same school as others who may have behaved badly. 

The other point to make relates to my much younger son who attends a different boys’ school that has featured very heavily in the press. He is too young to have started a social life outside school, but we have considered moving him. However I have been really impressed by the school's reaction to all this, conveyed in multiple communications from the Head to parents, so we won’t. As well as investigating the accusations and seeking external scrutiny, there is going to be far more attention given to educating the boys as to what attitudes and behaviour are acceptable. They have also set up various online forum sessions this term for parents, so that the messages can be reinforced from home, which is critical as all the social activities take place outside the school setting in single-sex day schools. You may be cynical that they are doing this only because of the bad publicity, to not lose their paying customers, but I feel cheered that they are taking it seriously and am optimistic for the improved attitudes of the boys coming through from now on – everyone will be watching. It’s good we are all having these conversations and I would advise parents looking at secondary schools not to shun London or named schools, but to question the head teachers about this probably universal problem and find out how they are tackling it.[/font][/size]

It is a real problem but absolutely not confined to London or private schools. A friend moved her family to Surrey and the stories I heard from her when her children were young teens were worse than anything I heard in London with that age group. I think the problems are caused in large part by what boys see on their phones, and thinking this is how you treat women, and parents not knowing what they are seeing so not being able to put them straight. It’s really hard to see and hear what’s out there but it’s important that parents know what their children are seeing.

I wonder if this has this put anyone off sending their children to London private schools? Or really questioning their decision as I am often now. Not helped by going through the most stressful year to subject my child to the 11 plus and not being able to visit many schools.
My daughter is due to enter one this year and it has really shaken my confidence.
I went to a day school in the 90s but I can't say I recognise the behaviour spoken of by boys at some of the west London schools and with some parents who seemed very liberal/ - there were drugs at parties sometimes - but none of the sexual aggression / misogyny or "slut- shaming". I do feel this is very much a problem linked to social media and p*** which affects all of society but also wondering why it has been swept under the carpet in these supposed elite schools. Will it be addressed?

the Dulwich College open letter for me is the a lot worse as it comes from "inside", from its own and is structured and organised plus it is not anonymous, as opposed to the testimonies on the everyone's invited website. 

it goes a much longer way as it uncovers a rather large number of issues some related reporting, safeguarding etc 

it makes for solid material to start tackling those issues.

the everyone's invited has done an amazing (and terrifying) job to raise awareness, thank god for that.  

[i]Both of my kids went to private schools and this is an on-going problem. I also know that kids don’t tell their parents everything. I personally feel that the schools should make it safer to report these instances, and punishment should be harsher to act as a deterrent. This is also happening at Universities and the same should apply. Sadly it seems the reputation of these schools/Uni’s are more important to protect. [/i]

Between 2001-2006 I was in secondary school in south London, and let me tell you, what I've read so far on Everyone's Invited's website, was already a proven culture back then. I witnessed it. Imagine how early on this has been going on for (probably even earlier than that!) and only now we are having movements trying to eradicate it now. Thankfully, my parents raised me with utmost self respect for my self and my body, and I wasn't engaged or a victim to these, BUT, I was in a toxic circle and witnessed many boys (and surprisingly even girls) shamed many girls with derogatory names, some even having to leave school because it was too much. It was an incredibly hard place for us, when I look back at it I am amazed that I managed to come out the other end sane.
As many posts have mentioned, you certainly have to start at home, if it wasn't for my upbringing, I probably would have been a victim. I remember a family friend sending nudies online because a guy showed interest in her, it just shows the real problem - self worth. Sadly, we are so driven by our emotions at that age that it really is hard to make the right choices, and being manipulated is so easy. I strongly advise parents to educate their sons, because really it bottles down to this - a lack of respect for women!

My daughter was attacked at her primary school aged 6 by 6 boys in her class and the year above. They told her girls weren't allowed to play on the climbing frame and when she said they were, the boys said boys were better than girls and started pushing her and the other girls off. The more she asserted her rights, the worse the violence got. Over a 4 month period she was sexually assaulted (minor), her clothing ripped, her glasses smashed, tripped/pushed over regularly, called sexist insults, punched. Her doctor wrote to the school twice and I did 20 safeguarding meetings. The headmaster insisted she and I were the problem, she was put in a special needs class and they investigated legal options to bann me from school property. Her father wouldn't intervene either as he had same attitude as the headmaster. This is a world wide problem with violent male sexism driven in parts by religion and parts ******. The schools in London are horrific to the point she moved to Kent to live during the week at her dad's at which point he cut all contact between her and me saying I was emotionally harmful to her for protecting her. Violence at school is the boys practicing domestic/sexist violence and the police/courts/MPs/fathers/brothers/sons are part of the problem - they either laugh about it or get aggressive. Either way, girls are seen as prey.

... the dots are for nrop spelled backwards!

Sadly it does seem pretty universal and a lot of it is about boys accessing ****** on their phones. Definitely schools and parents need to work together reinforcing each other’s efforts. As a parent you can help by just making it clear you are up to date with these issues and that you are always open to talking about them with your child in a sympathetic and helpful way. But it’s a knotty problem for schools too. A lot of the sexual stuff is on SnapChat so the evidence has gone by the time a complaint is made.

I am a mum of kids at a co-Ed day school. They have certainly taken Everyone’s Invited seriously and addressed it immediately in year group assembly and form classes. I don’t think it’s a ‘London school’ issue - it’s a nationwide problem. My advice to anyone with children starting secondary school is speak to your daughters and sons about ALL of these issues - such as being asked / asking for nudes, alcohol, drugs, vaping, sexual consent, parties, pressuring / being pressured for sex etc etc. By the time my daughter turned 13 she had been asked for nudes 15 times. (Not by kids at her school - friends of friends on Snapchat.) Don’t think just because your child is geeky / quiet that they aren’t exposed to any of it. They totally are and in some cases could be more susceptible to pressure. Some kids are drinking and taking drugs (weed / MDMA / ket I hear are the drugs of choice) from Year 9 in all schools - unsupervised in parks. I don’t know of any that are allowed to drink unsupervised parties at that age.

Teenage years are a little scary but also lovely too! Just make sure you and your kids aren’t innocent to what is going on. Knowledge is power as a parent and a teenager! Maybe this is the best time to start secondary school with all this having just been exposed. Everyone’s Invited also has great advice about talking to your kids.

I echo with the above post. It’s not private Vs state or London Vs country. It’s nationwide (mostly worldwide) and since the advent of social media and smart phones, a lot of people, including teens, have lost their sense of respect for girls / women / consent. This is something that comes from home / parental teaching as well as schools - as a lot of this is happening in parties (when not at school). What the founder of the website says herself is so important. She’s written many articles but her one in The Times a couple of weeks ago stood out for me - everyone needs to learn from the mistakes of the past and teach to be better from now on (from parents to teachers to the national curriculum).

Hi year7newbie
apologies for the censor - nothing to do with me.  NVN has an automatic profanity filter which picks up the obvious and some words/phrases that google dislikes. This includes some randoms like 'windows for doors' don't ask me why  :?

Thank you all for posting.

 

NVN seems to have censored my post above, hopefully you get the gist of what I was saying!