Post a reply: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

Post as a Guest

This question is a means of preventing automated form submissions by spambots.

This question is a means of preventing automated form submissions by spambots.

BBCode is OFF
Smilies are OFF

Topic review

Expand view Topic review: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by this_is_cat » Mon Dec 13, 2021 12:55 pm

Just one point…

Midwives will absolutely not transfer you in their own car!! And in an emergency situation, the last thing you want is to be in your own car, seatbelted into a seat, no medical equipment, stuck in traffic!

There are no situations where a homebirth can really be safe when there are no available ambulances

And sadly, that problem seems to be getting worse

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by YogawithNadia » Thu Dec 09, 2021 10:48 am

I have just come across this and felt compelled to reply.

As a birth doula and mother of 4 who had three babies at home, I admit I am biased but I feel that it is important for the sheer joy and ease of homebirth to be communicated.

As others have said in this thread: Home birth is safe. It is statistically safer than hospital birth (ref The birth Place Study) for second time mums who are low risk and expereinced a vaginal birth the first time.

I run a Yoga & Mindfulness for pregnancy & birth course live online and since Covid the numbers of homebirthers in my classes has doubled. 

In the last batch - 50 % were considering or had chosen home birth.

They did not all get the homebirth but just booking a homebirth already takes you on a gentler less medicalised path. Appointments are at home instead of hospital. In labour, the midwife comes to you and ,if all is going well, there is no need to go anywhere just bed down and let go into the birth experience.

The transfer rate for homebirth is high 45%. Thats not because 45% of babies are compromised - far form it. It's because homebirth midwives are super diligent. If the labour slows, is long, or the mother starts to struggle they make the decision to transfer in. The majority of those transfers are first time mums.

As a doula I have supported quite a few unplanned homebirths with second time mothers - in otehr words the labour escalated quickly and the mother no longer felt able to transfer in. These situations can be a little stressful because the mother has not mentally prepared. 
Usually, in teh end, she's delighted because the baby has arrived and the birth is over and she did not need to leave her home.

Why not mentally and practically prepare for the homebirth knowing that you can always change your mind at the last moment. It DOES NOT work the other way around.

Once you have birthed your baby gently and peacefully at home without triage, VE'S, teh stress of the transfer, the bright clinical environment etc..., you get it. 

I am of the belief that low risk birth belongs OUT of hospital.

The last thing I would say is that whilst being on teh same page  as your husband is important; YOU are the one having the experience. Its HAS to be up to YOU.  You lead on this - not your husband.

I am happy to chat with you. I know Gloria and her team and they are FIRST CLASS midwives - some of the BEST.

Listen to your body and follow your maternal instinct. You will do whats right for you.

Many Blessings on Your Journey.

Nadia



 

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by KatherineHepburn » Thu Dec 02, 2021 5:17 pm

Oh and I forgot to say.

Because midwives are so excellent at spotting if things are not going to plan they will get you into hospital in plenty of time if need be. 
For the majority of transfers in (failure to progress, mum tired, decided upon further pain relief etc) you will either go in your own car or the midwives.

Thus the BBC article quoted above is a bit sensationalist as during the last lock down many home birth teams continued to work without interruption. 

 

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by KatherineHepburn » Thu Dec 02, 2021 5:14 pm

Hi inbloom,

Being an antenatal and hypnobirthing teacher with many years of working with pregnant woman I can confidently say that I am team you.

If you would like a home birth then go for it.

For anyone concerned about whether a supported home birth is safe in 2020 The Lancet published a huge piece of research looking at half a million intended home births in countries with well integrated home birth systems, such as the UK.
It showed that women with uncomplicated pregnancies who intended to give birth at home were:
40% less likely to have a caesarean section.
50% less likely to have an instrumental vaginal birth.
70% less likely to have an epidural.
55% less likely to have an episiotomy.
40% less likely to have a 3rd or 4th degree tear.
60% less likely to have their labour sped up with a hormone drip.
75% less likely for mums to pick up an infection after birth.
30% less likely to experience a postpartum hemorrhage.
And this was compared to women with uncomplicated pregnancies who intended to give birth in hospital

So it is very fair to say that home birth for an uncomplicated pregnancy is considered safe.

It really isn't any faff at all. 
You can hire a birth pool if you like, the midwives will help you to set it up if your partner can't figure it out, and then post birth, while you are tucked up nicely in bed, your midwives will clean up as well as make you a nice cup of tea.

Rather than then sitting in a busy postnatal ward you can be surrounded by all of your things at home, just relaxing and getting familiar with your baby.

It is very rare indeed to have a problem occur mid home birth, but the wonderful thing is that as your midwife is only caring for you .. and not many other women across a busy ward... she will pick up very swiftly on anything occurring out of the ordinary. Remember that midwives are fully trained professionals - so you will be in good hands.

There is a great deal of misinformation about birth out there and it is easy to get bogged down with the 'one size fits all' approach. We tend to ignore the iatrogenic harm that can occur when birthing in hospital by making a false assumption that it is the best place for everyone to birth. It is not.

I can highly recommend joining a Home Birth group on Facebook and getting the following excellent birth books:
What's Right For Me - Dr Sara Wickham
Why Home Birth Matters - Natalie Meddings
Home Birth - Safe & Sacred - Kim Woodward Osterholzer

If you have any further questions you can find me over at Better Birth Stories (web, FB, Instagram) or join our FB group at The Hypnobirthing & Positive Birth Group.

Melanie xx
 

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by this_is_cat » Sun Nov 28, 2021 8:44 am

I just read this article which might be of interest…

Lots of hospital trusts are now suspending home births because they are so short staffed with midwives but also because of the huge delays with ambulances which means women can’t be safely transferred to hospital if anything goes wrong

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyl ... s-shortage

The latter is particularly concerning - as many others have said, a home birth is only really safe if you can be moved straight to hospital if needed and without that back up, it’s an enormous risk

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by Jathome » Mon Nov 22, 2021 7:42 am

Congratulations :)

Giving birth, alongside sex, masturbation, orgasms and all the wonderful things our women’s bodies can do. Is quite an intimate thing experienced best, most comfortably and pleasurably with those we trust and want to be with. Usually those we know and want with us in our most vulnerable and wonderful moments. Birth although very occasionally can be needing intervention. A midwife who you have grown a relationship with during pregnancy is best placed to guide and support you through something so normal as having a period. You don’t give birth as many times but a midwife has the knowledge of what’s normal. The midwife can be in your home with you. The human body is made to give birth just like any animal we do not need to go to hospital to poo even when constipated. Unless there is a risk or complication. Giving birth at home for me was orgasmic I had a very short labour, I felt safe and I was eating pizza after. Birth at home was my heaven. Luckily my husband had full trust in me like I did he to know what was best for me in this kind of situation anyway! Took a while to explain to others but in the end it’s totally your choice.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by frenchorchid » Sun Nov 21, 2021 11:17 pm

I would like to add that, in my opinion, any mom can give birth at home if she invites doctors and nurses home. Then you don't have to worry about your life. After the birth you should go to the therapist and gynecologist for checkups so they can examine you, of course.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by frenchorchid » Sun Nov 21, 2021 11:15 pm

I had the same situation, but it was my husband who wanted me to give birth at home, and I was afraid of it and was against it. I thought it was very dangerous and that my baby could be born unhealthy. My husband never succeeded in dissuading me. I gave birth at the maternity hospital. But thank you to all the girls who answered you in this thread! I registered because I found this topic on google!

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by gail0810 » Mon Nov 08, 2021 8:21 am

I was in exactly the same situation with my second birth (first was induced, but straight forward). I choose a home birth the second time and the experience was a million times better.

I was under the home birth team at St George’s - who were fab and I saw the same midwife the whole way through after the booking appointment - which I loved. She came to the house for my appointments which made life so much easier with a toddler!

You can change your mind at any time so if you did decide nearer the time you want to go into hospital you can. They do a risk assessment of the house beforehand and deliver the equipment to your house - gas and air etc.

On the day of the birth the midwives arrived at 8pm and told my husband off for not getting the pool filled more quickly! I was in the pool about 9pm and the baby arrived at 10pm. I did have to go into hospital afterwards as I had to have a catheter fitted as I couldn’t go for a wee afterwards - which was annoying - but when I got home, they said I should have had it fitted and stayed at home and they could have checked on me there.

I personally loved it - it was so much more relaxing and second time around you know what to expect. My husband didn’t have to do much, but found filling the pool and draining it afterwards a hassle - I said I would have swopped places with him in a heartbeat and then he shut up after that!

I think though that he has to be on board as he will have some work to do and it will end up being more stressful for you if he is worried and defeat the purpose.

Maybe arrange an appointment with the home birth team and get him to be there for that and he can talk things through with the midwife.

Good luck in whatever you choose.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by sjcg » Tue Nov 02, 2021 5:02 pm

The NICE guidelines (which healthcare professionals are supposed to follow) say:

"Women expecting their second, third or fourth babies, who are at low-risk
of complications, are advised to plan to give birth at home or in a
midwifery-led unit (freestanding or alongside). This is particularly suitable
because the rate of interventions is lower than in an obstetric unit and
the outcome for the baby is no different compared with an obstetric unit"

You can also google the "Birthplace Study" and look at the evidence that this recommendation is based on.

So given that all the evidence says that it is safe and it is in fact officially recommended, why is your husband still against it? What is he really worried about? Often it is the feeling that *he* himself would have a much greater responsibility for your (plural) safety and that can seem quite overwhelming.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by AltenburgMum » Mon Nov 01, 2021 10:46 am

I’ve also had both my second and third child at home (attached to St Thomas’s) and for many reasons others have mentioned it was the best decision.

I’m happy to chat more if helpful just DM me. As per the thread it’s quite emotive even amoungst the medical community (I met both Consultants and midwifes along my pregnancies who were against the decision), but to reiterate two really important points made above. For second low risk pregnancies there is no greater risk posed to mother or baby in a home birth. There are two midwifes with you to monitor you and the baby, and they check in with the hospital throughout. Secondly, If things aren’t progressing or they are getting worried or you or the baby are in distress they will transfer you immediately and at category 1 for the ambulance (same as cardiac arrest etc) to the hospital.

I’ve got a few slides the midwife team gave me that includes some of the stats, protocols etc. I can dig them out if they would be helpful. Just let me know

Goodluck!

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by curly » Mon Nov 01, 2021 9:16 am

Well you are going to get a lot of opinions on this one and each of them are right for themselves. No one can decide but you.

I had a hospital birth for the first one and a home birth for the second. The only thing I will say is that my body was MUCH more relaxed for the home birth as I was in familiar surroundings and felt so much less stressed. I think this helped enormously to have an easier birth.

For my first I was in a birth centre which was next to the hospital and I still had to get an ambulance to the hospital when there was a complication. It was quick and easy to get to hospital and at no point, did I feel that my child was in danger. The midwives will transfer you immediately if they think there is any reason why you should be at the hospital rather than at home.

If a home birth is what you want, then maybe start with the home birth midwifery team so they can educate your husband from knowledge, rather than heresay. At any point you can change to the hospital team but the good thing about the home birth midwife team is that they come to your house for appointments so you don't have to schlep to a hospital!!

Good luck. Whatever you do will be the right decision for you.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by esp78 » Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:53 am

You can ask the hospital if their home birthing teams provide an info session? The home based midwife teams usually operate on a postcode basis and appts take place mostly via community health centres. After a hospital birth with my first, I was keen on a home birth for my second but husband was also not sure. Valley midwives offered an info session explaining process and a couple who had had a home birth spoke. We ended up having a home birth for my second which was great. There is obviously a bit more cleaning up to do for the partner than in a hospital but you can get all this info from the home team. They actually operate at a much lower risk threshold than perhaps in a hospital, as they have to be very aware of all the risks to keep the service for women who wish to birth at home running. Plus in London we are lucky being so close to so many hospitals. At home, you usually get one midwife with you throughout labour, and one when baby arrives with you the whole time which is not always the case in the hospital system. The midwives are usually very experienced which is also not guaranteed at the hospital. 

Good luck and usually babies arrive how they want - I had a home birth planned for #3 but it wasn't to be and we ended up at St thomas which was also a lovely experience. 
 

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by dudette » Mon Nov 01, 2021 8:07 am

I’m with team husband for the same reason that every time I go in the car I put my seat belt on even though statistically it’s pretty unlikely I’m going to need it. Even if you win the argument I would suggest you don’t get too hung up on it - as you say there are lots of reasons why you will need to go in. I had an induced labour with my first. My second was born before my due date but I had meconium in my waters so we had to go in and I was monitored throughout labour. Two things you can do though - firstly get a doula. They’re simply fab and become your advocate when you can’t really speak for yourself. And secondly hypnobirthing is just brilliant. I can’t recommend it highly enough - I had both my children without pain relief and I used the techniques I learnt years later when I had a skiing accident to deal with the pain. It also takes away any fear you have and so you approach the birth feeling calm. I think if you get a doula and learn hypnobirthing the reasons for wanting a home birth (which I fully understand) will be less important. You should feel calm, relaxed and supported even in hospital.

Re: I want a home birth but husband against. How do I get unbiased information?

by MrBalham99 » Mon Nov 01, 2021 7:36 am

Firstly, congratulations! What an exciting time. Your birth options depend a lot on your risk factors but also about the communication between you and how you can get fully comfortable with either option. The statistics exist but I can no longer find them. They are also incomplete because they don’t have the breakdown of interventions needed. I would say bluntly that it depends on your age and your medical profile. The mother of my eldest (now 18) wouldn’t be here today if we’d had a home birth: it’s that blunt. Even the junior obstetrician didn’t recognise what I sensed just after birth, that she had a severe haemorrhage and was in theatre within 4 minutes once I had insisted on a consultant. I know of too many other mums who have had problems at home and if we had another, I would not even countenance it. Put simply, birth is by far the most medically risky even in most women’s lives and you need the intervention immediately available if something happens. For you AND your baby. Good luck! St Georges is great.

Top