Starr wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 11:36 am If my sister inherited a huge sum of money outside of the family I wouldn't dream of using that as a reason to expect more from my parents.
Where do you draw the line? She has a better salary, a wealthier spouse? It's going to get very messy if you expect the exact same financial outcomes for your adult children. Unless there is need for life saving medical treatment I just don't see how you can justify it. If I treat my children fairly, I expect they are much more likely to get on and help each other out emotionally and financially.
I'm sorry but the poster seems jealous her sister received a huge sum outside of the family estate and that her children will be more well off as a result.
Sorry but life's not fair and equal and the sooner you accept that the happier and more you're going to be with all you have.

dudette wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 10:39 am

Scottov wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 10:09 am

brihoney wrote: ↑Tue May 10, 2022 10:45 am "Unlike her relationship with her own friends and her husband, your sister's relationship with her godmother was not of her making, but something engineered by your parents when she was a baby."

We don't know this. I had a very close relationship with my godmother, she took me to the opera every year from when I was about 12, we would talk about things that I couldn't talk to my parents about. When I was university I invited her up to stay and she had a fantastic weekend socialising with all my friends, and was then able to give me her hilarious insights into their characters. She would send me articles that were relevant to my job. There were years when I'd only see her once a year, but others where I'd have closer contact. My parents were also close to her still and would go on holidays with her and her husband. I can tell you categorically that my other 3 siblings barely knew her. She sadly died very quickly at 70 from a very aggressive cancer and I was so sad I didn't get to see her or speak to her before she died. I still miss her. 

She was a wealthy woman and she left me about £15.000 in her will, which was really a life saver at the time. She had her own children and grandchildren so it wasn't a life changing amount of money. But I don't think I would have expected to share an inheritance I got from her with my siblings, as she didn't really know them, she knew me. 

I don't know what relationship the sister's godmother had with her, but the godmother obviously felt she wanted to leave the money to the one sister. Maybe she felt that she had always made choices in life that were selfless and she wanted to give her a wonderful gift. It is sad that the rest of the family doesn't seem to be able to celebrate this and be happy for her. Instead they are making a big deal about the parent's inheritance. Do they really need to be talking about this now? It seems to me a tactic designed to make her feel guilty for what she got left. 

I love this post. I thought exactly the same thing!

It’s bizarre to assume there was no relationship here or that people are interchangeable like Lego pieces.

All we know is the godmother in this instance valued this relationship very much.

I think you’re missing the point slightly. The poster you quoted said she got £15k. The OP said her sister got a SEVEN figure sum which meant she never has to work again. I’m sure the godmother values the relationship with the sister but had that godmother been chosen for the OP then she (the godmother) might equally have valued it. So although the sister put the time into the relationship it was still effectively a lottery win. If one of my two children wins the lottery (and doesn’t give any money to the other one) I would definitely leave our money to the other one as the first one simply wouldn’t need it. If both of them win the lottery we’re spending it all!!

Scottov wrote: ↑Mon May 23, 2022 10:09 am

brihoney wrote: ↑Tue May 10, 2022 10:45 am "Unlike her relationship with her own friends and her husband, your sister's relationship with her godmother was not of her making, but something engineered by your parents when she was a baby."

We don't know this. I had a very close relationship with my godmother, she took me to the opera every year from when I was about 12, we would talk about things that I couldn't talk to my parents about. When I was university I invited her up to stay and she had a fantastic weekend socialising with all my friends, and was then able to give me her hilarious insights into their characters. She would send me articles that were relevant to my job. There were years when I'd only see her once a year, but others where I'd have closer contact. My parents were also close to her still and would go on holidays with her and her husband. I can tell you categorically that my other 3 siblings barely knew her. She sadly died very quickly at 70 from a very aggressive cancer and I was so sad I didn't get to see her or speak to her before she died. I still miss her. 

She was a wealthy woman and she left me about £15.000 in her will, which was really a life saver at the time. She had her own children and grandchildren so it wasn't a life changing amount of money. But I don't think I would have expected to share an inheritance I got from her with my siblings, as she didn't really know them, she knew me. 

I don't know what relationship the sister's godmother had with her, but the godmother obviously felt she wanted to leave the money to the one sister. Maybe she felt that she had always made choices in life that were selfless and she wanted to give her a wonderful gift. It is sad that the rest of the family doesn't seem to be able to celebrate this and be happy for her. Instead they are making a big deal about the parent's inheritance. Do they really need to be talking about this now? It seems to me a tactic designed to make her feel guilty for what she got left. 

I love this post. I thought exactly the same thing!

It’s bizarre to assume there was no relationship here or that people are interchangeable like Lego pieces.

All we know is the godmother in this instance valued this relationship very much.

Bunnypigeon1 wrote: ↑Wed May 11, 2022 1:20 pm6C03B685-0A97-4EFC-856E-D07725B7A1A2.png

This debate reminds me of the cartoon i hyperlinked above- equal doesn’t always mean fair. I have 4 children and I would like to split their inheritance so as to leave them all in a good place- and that may mean not splitting it equally but yes fairly. Of course it’s more complicated than that in reality but leaving one child with a heap of money and another with much less doesn’t seem the right thing to me…. Your sister sounds very greedy and selfish. It will be a hard one to fix now as someone will always feel hard done by, much of a first world problem as it may be!

brihoney wrote: ↑Tue May 10, 2022 10:45 am "Unlike her relationship with her own friends and her husband, your sister's relationship with her godmother was not of her making, but something engineered by your parents when she was a baby."

We don't know this. I had a very close relationship with my godmother, she took me to the opera every year from when I was about 12, we would talk about things that I couldn't talk to my parents about. When I was university I invited her up to stay and she had a fantastic weekend socialising with all my friends, and was then able to give me her hilarious insights into their characters. She would send me articles that were relevant to my job. There were years when I'd only see her once a year, but others where I'd have closer contact. My parents were also close to her still and would go on holidays with her and her husband. I can tell you categorically that my other 3 siblings barely knew her. She sadly died very quickly at 70 from a very aggressive cancer and I was so sad I didn't get to see her or speak to her before she died. I still miss her. 

She was a wealthy woman and she left me about £15.000 in her will, which was really a life saver at the time. She had her own children and grandchildren so it wasn't a life changing amount of money. But I don't think I would have expected to share an inheritance I got from her with my siblings, as she didn't really know them, she knew me. 

I don't know what relationship the sister's godmother had with her, but the godmother obviously felt she wanted to leave the money to the one sister. Maybe she felt that she had always made choices in life that were selfless and she wanted to give her a wonderful gift. It is sad that the rest of the family doesn't seem to be able to celebrate this and be happy for her. Instead they are making a big deal about the parent's inheritance. Do they really need to be talking about this now? It seems to me a tactic designed to make her feel guilty for what she got left. 

nvmof3 wrote: ↑Tue May 10, 2022 7:10 am If you were in France or anywhere that follows the Napoleónic code (most of Europe) your parents would be forced to divide their estate equally among their heirs and there is good reason for this. In my husband’s family, there has been a decision to leave more to one sibling who has not done so well financially. That sibling chose not to pursue a lucrative career whereas others have worked their butts off to gain financial stability. Also that sibling has no children whereas the others have seven between them. There is simmering resentment but nothing said out loud in order to respect the parents’ wishes but I think the Napoleonic code has a point and is just fair in all circumstances.