Hi Swooning for sushi

You responded to my post on Nappy Valley Net.I have tried to pm you on this handle but it does not seem to work. Would you be able to email or pm me?

Many thanks!

Hello!

My boy is year 6 too and has always struggled with friendships. He has ADHD and Aspergers.

Would love to meet up sometime. We are very near Clapham Junction.

Maybe you could message me your contact details directly?

Thanks!

Mamablu

Sounds very like my boy. Will pm you.

Sadly private has NOT been the answer for us.

X

Mamablu

Sounds very like my boy. Will pm you.

Sadly private has NOT been the answer for us.

X

Mamablu

1. Check your son's EHCP.  You need to complain if the school are not implementing what they are supposed to and sending the LSA elsewhere.  Check IPSEA resources if you want to know how to enforce the provisions.  You call an emergency annual review to revisit your son's provision if it is not working and ask to tighten up the requirements.

2.  It is not the case that an EHCP goes out the window if you homeschool.  Look up EOTAS (education otherwise than at school) which is a different concept.

3.  IPSEA have some good resources on the sort of schools that can be requested via EHCP process.  

HTH

Please check the company Beyond Books, URL gobeyondbooks as they do a lot of mentoring as well as academic and emotion support for every child but also those who have additional needs such as ADHD. They also run parental coaching sessions to help family routines, dynamics, sibling relationships and much more.
 
I am so sorry to hear you haven't found the supportive community you need around you.

Just reading through all your posts makes me so sad. I have a 10 year old boy and 8 year old girl and we have all been diagnosed with ADHD.
My children attend the same school but now the school has made it clear they want my son out due to his behaviour. He has an EHCP but they send his LSA to another class leaving my son, who doesn’t completely trust adults due to past failings in 2 previous schools, with the support of ‘the class team’

The head and Senco told me the other children are scared of my son and this breaks my heart. He told me he doesn’t want to be lonely and have no friends so I just don’t know what to do. The choices of secondary school are not great and I have no idea where I will send him. The EHCP goes out the window if you choose to home school……
What schools are supporting of these neurodivergent conditions and also have a small number of children? I can’t afford a private school but as I had private education I know it can be worthwhile!

Thanks

Thank you so much for all these great suggestions! I wished we had met before :)
They are all spot on and would have made a great difference in my boy’s primary life…
When my son was diagnosed ADHD 9 years ago it was still a relatively an unknown condition - and as parents we were more apologetic and ashamed of some of my son’ behaviour thank proactive
We tried a couple of fun 121 play dates but kids were always surprisingly very busy
I find there is still a lot to be done to support the ADHD community, and I am surprised there is not a bigger community in Clapham.
I know Richmond created a big group with regular meet up and initiatives.
We left Clapham since but I wish good luck to all the parents and kids with ADHD, this is a constant struggle but as we always tell our son, it gives him super powers

Thank you so much for all these great suggestions! I wished we had met before :)
They are all spot on and would have made a great difference in my boy’s primary life…
When my son was diagnosed ADHD 9 years ago it was still a relatively an unknown condition - and as parents we were more apologetic and ashamed of some of my son’ behaviour thank proactive
We tried a couple of fun 121 play dates but kids were always surprisingly very busy
I find there is still a lot to be done to support the ADHD community, and I am surprised there is not a bigger community in Clapham.
I know Richmond created a big group with regular meet up and initiatives.
We left Clapham since but I wish good luck to all the parents and kids with ADHD, this is a constant struggle but as we always tell our son, it gives him super powers

MuddyBoots, just one thing to add.  I am sorry to hear your child had been hurt.  SEN children usually need handling in specific ways so traditional "telling off" usually just doesn't work.  I would say though that most SEN children are absolutely delightful and wouldn't hurt a fly.  Those who display dysregulated behaviour, perceived naughtiness etc are usually suffering somewhat (anxiety, overwhelm, sensory overload etc etc).  The SEN is a reason but never an excuse.  I would always recommend if your child is affected that you say something to the school - of course it is important to be compassionate and understanding but if a child's behaviour is affecting others negatively and that child does not have the support they need, it is helpful to say something because it builds the evidence.  The child's parents have probably been battling everyone for years to get support for them!
 

And thank you to everyone for your kind words, and to Muddy Boots for a considered reply. I very much appreciate it and when time a bit less pressing later this week will try to pm those who have expressed interest.

Hello. Thanks for responding. I will try to pm separately- not under the guest user handle!

It’s clear to me I should not have said anything of this topic, I read the comment about nasty parents and kind of focussed on that as I was curious.
I think being a parent who’s never said a thing when affected I was only thinking about my own specific expedience. This was not really about or opinion about the whole spectrum of situations as discussed on here.

I was ignorant about what the issues discussed were and what you experience as a parents as described above.

I am surprised to hear of social exclusion etc.

Either way, good luck to you all and lesson learned!

I hear you and from the gist of your comments, you are well-versed in the challenges of ADHD. My ADHD son is in secondary now and I have had & continue to be very instrumental in initiating and retaining friendships, via other mothers, often in extremely challenging circumstances. This is what has worked for us:
1) being hugely proactive and inviting 2-3 others over to do something interactive eg make and eat pizza, cinema, trampolining, rock climbing....Inviting 1:1 isn´t an attractive option to the invitee if there´s no real bond bn them but if you factor in 1-2 others, then your son´s poorer social skills are less obvious and he has the opportunity to observe and learn from the others and they get to see 1-2 others they do have a bond with. We rehearsed these social scenarios through role play , ie how he´d greet them on arrival, how he´d say goodbye, getting interesting activities/games etc ready before they arrived. Make these playdates short.
2) Try to set up social scenarios with classmates that play to his strengths...sport or hobby he´s good at or somewhere he already knows and maybe they don´t
3) Sincerity: If mothers are preventing sons from attending, I´d cherry pick 1-2 and explain that you understand your son needs to mature socially, that you´re working on it and that you´d really like their support and could their son come over for a pizza or whatever one day and please could they keep your sincerity to themselves without mentioning it to their children. 
As your child is in Yr 6, it´s crucial to give him some scaffolding while you can still intervene as later on, they choose their own social life.
4) Factor in building social skills into his AdhD therapy sessions with a psychologist
5) Look at Caroline Maguire´s resources and website. I bought Why Will No One Play with Me
6) Teach him what it takes to be a good friend. People often overlook the fact that to form solid relationships you have to be a good friend yourself. ADHD people often overlook social cues and my son rarely responds warmly to comments or conversations from peers so obviously they assume he´s not interested. These are all teachable skills. 
7) Enroll him in a sport/hobby that he can share with others in parallel. 
I wish you oodles of good luck. DM me for whatever you need. I will be happy to chat, go into more detail. 

Hi there Guest User 7777 and others

Thank you for posting and for the sharing and suggestions.
My son is 9 and has significant autism and learning delay.  He is initially shy but then loves fun and simple games like "catch" or just running together.   He attends a special school.  Apart from friends of mine and family members he makes no friends at all of his peers.   I think he is getting more and more aware that other youngsters have friends or go out in groups.  If anyone with an SEN child or neuro-typical child would like to meet up I would love that and even if it was only once or twice  it would be transformative for us. 

I take him out a lot on car trips to the countryside for walking and more and it seems a waste to do the journey and arranging for just the two of us  when we could have a friend or friends join us.

Not sure how we make contact on here but will check back to see if anyone wouuld like to link up.

Have a blessed and sunny day everyone!