We had a Scottish fully qualified ‘super nanny’ who I’m sure would agree with the above. Her previous job had been to help a child who was an incredibly picky eater (because the parents were minor royals and the child was expected to attend receptions with them!) She always said don’t offer substitutes but provide bread with meals so children can eat that if they are still hungry. She only provided adult food, with the main meal at lunchtime and used tea- time as a way of constantly introducing new tastes. She always said the most important thing is to only give a few very small portions - ‘don’t overwhelm them with too much on their plate’ and never be critical or cross if they won’t eat it but offer more of the same if they like it. Oh - also keep chips etc for special treats.

Hi, I'm Holly a Norland Nanny and Paediatric Food Consultant. I have just a business (nanny cooks) and support parents with tried and tested tips, tricks and recipes. Helping with the challenges of fussy eaters. Do not hesitate to get in touch to find out how I can support your family. 

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What worked for us:

- no stress at mealtimes - fine if you eat, fine if you don’t
- the only rule we have is that you have to try everything (a pea-sized amount is fine)
- school lunches are great (provided the food is healthy)
- no children meals; the children eat the same as the parents (unless spicy); this is to avoid bland food. Add a few cut vegetables on the side if necessary
- no snacks between meals
- explaining that you can eat a dish even if it is not your absolute favourite dish.

One of the best bits of advice I heard - it was from a Radio 4 programme but I can't remember what it was called sorry - was to give a very small amount of a new food, literally pea-size, and have them taste that rather than offer a portion size on a plate. Also getting them to try it in a non-confrontational way e.g. not when everyone is looking at them try the new food around the table. Let them know that they can spit it out if they hate it. Say they can have dessert if they at least try it. This all worked well with my daughter.
The other thing I'm glad I did was to insist she had school dinners once she started school, not to give in and make a packed lunch. Kids don't try to negotiate with food as much with the teachers / school dinner helpers as with parents! As a result my daughter ate jacket potato nearly every school day for a year or two (!!) but eventually, she tried new foods because everyone else was doing so.

Good luck.
 

My child was a picky eater from a young age and looking back I wish I hadn't listened to everyone's opinion. We got so much bad advice which made the situation, and behaviour, worse. 'Picky eating' can be indicative of a more serious condition called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

It is actually something that is related to their development, not whether or not you bring your own food from home!

Only much later did we realise that my child was on the autistic spectrum, but it wasn't apparent until they were in school (6/7 years old) when other issues became evident. They could do all the things that I thought autistic children couldn't.  Autism is much wider and complex than anyone understood before and if you can look at your child's behaviour in a more holistic way it will help you to help them in the long run. For instance we would have got them a neurodevelopmental psychological evaluation much younger.

Unfortunately most people in the NHS are siloed and we wasted much time with the typical medical routes... behaviour is a complex one.

Look at ARFID Awareness UK. The person who is the expert in this area is Dr Gillian Harris. She explains 'picky eating' much better than Ella or any dietician. http://www.foodrefusal.co.uk/who-we-are.html

 

My child was a picky eater from a young age and looking back I wish I hadn't listened to everyone's opinion. We got so much bad advice which made the situation, and behaviour, worse. 'Picky eating' can be indicative of a more serious condition called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder).

It is actually something that is related to their development, not whether or not you bring your own food from home!

Only much later did we realise that my child was on the autistic spectrum, but it wasn't apparent until they were in school (6/7 years old) when other issues became evident. They could do all the things that I thought autistic children couldn't.  Autism is much wider and complex than anyone understood before and if you can look at your child's behaviour in a more holistic way it will help you to help them in the long run. For instance we would have got them a neurodevelopmental psychological evaluation much younger.

Unfortunately most people in the NHS are siloed and we wasted much time with the typical medical routes... behaviour is a complex one.

Look at ARFID Awareness UK. The person who is the expert in this area is Dr Gillian Harris. She explains 'picky eating' much better than Ella or any dietician. http://www.foodrefusal.co.uk/who-we-are.html

 

Muddyboots has some great suggestions above, particularly not stressing about it which will compound the issue.  Just one comment on the child eating when it is hungry - this may be the case for many neurotypical children, mine are neurodivergent and literally just will not eat even if starving if they don't like it.  Might be worth ruling out any underlying causes - is there any link to anxiety around eating at other people's houses, new places etc?  Anything else going on for the child?  Personally I would take back up food if I know the new place/food could be an issue because a starving child in a new place is a recipe for disaster in our family (whereas a fed child in a new place is manageable).  But we have specific needs in the family. You may not. 

Depending on how serious the issue is here (ie is it just that the child is a bit picky and won't eat new things outside the home but will eat a balanced diet of the foods they like or are they really only eating a worryingly limited diet) you can be asked to be referred to feeding clinic for support via GP.  


 

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Sorry to say this, but if you bring special food when out or visiting people you are part of the problem.
It’s totally understandable that a parent wants to make sure the child is fed, I get it, but this is enabling the child to carry on being fussy.

Practical tips:
- don’t stress or nag, keep mealtimes positive
- get the child to help prepare food or choose ingredients. Like which pepper shall we use? Red/yellow/orange? Etc
Encourage you child to try herbs/food whilst prepping….it’s proven that kids who make or help prepare food are more likely to try it
- let your child serve themselves at the table
- when introducing new food or food you want them to eat - start with tiny portions. Then be really encouraging if they manage to try and realise it’s OK and didn’t taste bad . Small goals, all psychological .
- encourage to always try before they can say they don’t like it
- don’t bring special food ever, a hungry child will eat eventually and more likely to try new food in new environment and around other children.
- watch cooking shows with your child where children cook and maybe try a recipe . For this age group maybe waffles+mochi Netflix

Good luck and don’t stress

Does anyone have any hints or suggestions on how to get a 5 yr old to eat at mealtimes.
Everything is such an uphill struggle and I have to food everywhere with me if I expect hime to eat anything when we are on days out or at friends or relatives. . Any suggestions or things to read, links to any blogs etc. would be most welcome. I am tearing my hair out :-(