Yes, hope you're ok. X

Hi there,
How are you feeling and doing now? Would love to hearing your update. Hope all is getting better.
x

Hello mummy to be. My heart bleeds for you as this must feel like the toughest thing ever. But have faith, it will get better, esp. when your LO comes. You become instantly stronger over night as you will be on a mission to be the best mom ever.

Now here is what I think you should do:
1) focus everything on the baby now, stop asking yourself WHY, WILL HE RETURN to me and instead, focus on being happy. This all rubs off on your baby. The less stress the better. If you find this impossible to do, record comedy shows and etch loads of them.
2) You must tell him asap, he has a right AND a responsibility to look after his baby. Dont deny him of this as at some point you will either regret this or you will ask yourself was it the right thing to do. If you tell him and he rejects you, don't worry you will survive it. YOU ARE STRONG!
3) Join up to some antenatal classes for single mums (if not sure where they are , call your local surestart centre). These will be amazing for support.

Now if you ever need a cup of tea- let me know and I meet up with you.
Lots of hugs,
M

I really feel for you, I have been in your position and it is so painful, but it will get better.

You have to tell your ex that he is going to be a father, you can not withhold something so important from him because you are hurting so much.

It is the right of your child to know his or her father and if possible to have a relationship with him. It will not be easy for you whatever he decides to do but, I think it is important to be able to tell your child in the future that you did everything you could to encourage their father to maintain contact.

My other advice would be do not hide from your family and friends how sad you are, how frightened and alone you feel, your true friends will help and support you through this difficult time. Speak to your midwife as well, she may be able to help you, or suggest ways for you to meet other mothers.

Internet forums are a great source of advice and support, and you can sometimes say stuff to people on them that you can not say to people in real life because they do not know you, so use them to.

I wish you loads of luck, it will get better, but it will take time.
feel free to message me if you want to rant

I agree with all other ladies posted.

Take a deep breath, asking him out for a coffee tell him that you have something very important to him that you have to tell him. You both deserve this moment, which can be a very very special moment, hopefully will lead to the most emotional moment of having him by your side when you deliver. But be prepared that the worst response you may receive too. and chin up to be proud of you took the courage did it!

I think you have to try to put yourself together and stay possitive for yourself and the precious baby. he or she can feel it in there that mummy is sad. It will affect his or her personality and mood. You do need to concentrate on after birth care of yourself and your baby now. sadness may affect your bounding with your new born. may give you more possibility of postnatal depression if you are not getting enough help and support and your baby doesn't stop crying. Stay focused on preparing yourself now and getting everything ready and LOOKING FORWARD to welcome your new born! Your baby needs you to stay happy and strong for him or her.

Am happy to come to offer you some help when my son is at the nursery. I know you may have a lot of help from family and friends. but am very serious. if you do need someone to hold your hands and make you a drink when you are feeling so hard with the new born. if you get stuck, please feel free to call me!!!! I have a two year old and pregnant wiith our second. Wish you will be feeling better and enjoy every minute of your new born and the unlimited joy your baby will bring to you.

Good luck with him! Do it! the outcome may be really great you never know. xxx

I agree with all the advice from other posters, you need to tell him & prepare yourself that he may well not want to be that involved other than financial support & he has probably moved on & met someone else.

I'm guessing that the baby wasn't planend so it will be a HUGE shock to him & he may well not be that overjoyed, especailly if has met someone else.

You really need your friends & family around you, especially for the 1st few weeks and beyond and do get yourself involved in groups/classes etc.

Good luck & I cannot describe the joy that you will feel when you first hold your baby & the love that you will feel, no matter who awful things seem now. It is the best feeling in the whole world & the best thing I have ever done

Take care & keep us posted

x

It is common for men to hide any misgivings about a relationship from you, as it is easier than admitting there is an issue. He may well have stopped feeling the love and kept it well hidden from you- he is a successful trader type guy- they tend to be unable to cope with any type of failure and find it impossible to admit that they have made a mistake. They are also very good at acting , and he may well be selfish to the extreme and obsessed with himself and his image. He won't sit you down and be sensitive and verbal about it because its not in him and he would think(wrongly) that he is weak. It is easier to break loose completely and cut you out of his like as if you are deleted. His mind and therefore life, can't operate with baggage so he will be in denial instead. The other (bigger) issue here is that the other part of the relationship(you) has made the mistake of not telling this man that he will be a father in the next few months. This is not fair on him. He has a right to know that it is going to happen so he can prepare for it. Please tell him ASAP- as a father i know how life changes when a child arrives- and i can tell you, it changes lives and perspectives forever. It would be a regret for life if he wasn't there for the birth- for both of you.
My advise is to tell him and make sure you have his support financially for costs associated with bringing up your child. Anything more from him is a bonus. Good luck

Forgot to add:
Of all the achievements in my life so far the one I am proudest of and has brought me the most happiness is my son. I hope it's the same for you
xx

My heart goes out to you as 12 years ago I had a somewhat similar experience (won't go in to the details as this is not about me). I think you are a truly strong and courageous person to have done this on your own so far, I'm hoping you have a great support network of family and friends who are there for you.

Eclipse... Yes what a great way to put it

Sorry to be the bearer of words you may not want to hear but it is possible he was cheating on you and so is currently in a new relationship that overlapped with yours. I thought I should probably suggest it in case you do have too rosy a picture of you falling into his arms and him kissing all the pain away. It may be that it's worse than him not wanting to be with you; he may be in love with someone else.

You do still need to tell him though- not just for you and him but for your little bundle who now needs to come first. Luckily, as has been said, your love for that baby will completely eclipse anything you've felt before. Make sure you get plenty of help (your ex can pay for it from the sounds of it). Good luck!

My heart really goes out to you. I agree with other poster that though you can't possibly understand this now the love you will feel for your child with be greater (and obviously different) to anyone else you've ever loved. Of course you are scared of his reaction but it is not just you that this is about now. Try to see things drom your future child's perspective. You need to be strong. Being strong also means getting the support - emotional practical and financial - that you need.

Good luck - hope you make that call and you can meet up like grown ups and take the next steps in this in a way that meets your child's needs as much as possible

X

Hello,

Thank you for your comments and invaluable advice. I guess I have not been thinking straight and as the birth of the baby is drawing nearer, fear is setting in and the prospect of being a single mum is weighing heavy on my mind ( also being pregnant in this heat is no joke). I wished I had his support.

Just a few answers to your questions - we were together for 2.5years, he broke up with me 8 months ago. How did it end - from a very considerate attentive boyfriend, I noticed he was becoming much quieter and also snappy. I thought that was just the pressures of work and maybe if we both took a holiday together, it would ease the pressure I thought he was under. Also, although we did not live together, I stayed over at his apartment often and I had quite a few of my belongings there - shoes etc, anyway, he asked me not to leave them there anymore, which I thought was odd. When I asked him why, he just played it down. Said something about thinking of selling the apartment and was getting the Estate Agents in. I was so blinded by LOVE, if he had had his PA staying and said it was his live in Housekeeper, I would have believed him.

If he needs proof that this baby is his, I will gladly provide him with it. Although he knows fully well that I would never cheat on him, I was too besotted with him. It's not much fun going to NCT classes and being the only "partner less" pregnant lady in the class.

I guess you are all right, I need to pluck up some courage and tell him. I need to know why he suddenly "cooled it". what changed?? I picked up the phone and dialled his number this evening, but put it down before it connected. The problem is, in my mind, I want to get back with him. I want the " Happy family" that I dreamed of and I thought he also wanted. As I have mentioned before, I am still in love with him. The thought of him rejecting me AGAIN or even being with someone else scares me, but I know this may be a possibility and I have to deal with it and move on.

Do you think it might be better if I turned up at his apartment? Gosh, he will get a surprise when he see's me .

Ok, deep breath, refocus, I am going to call him. I need to tell him.

Thank you so much ladies. You are all amazing. I wish I had been on this site sooner. You have given me strength. strength to pick myself up, dust myself off and deal with this situation. Whether he wants this baby or not he needs to know.


Xx

I agree with the above posts, you have to tell him xx good luck

Hey single mum,
What a long introduction into your relationship and I can understand why you are feeling heartbroken and have all these overwhelming feelings of romantic love. But very soon you are going to experience an even more powerful and unconditional love when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. Believe me that no matter how much you love the man that created the baby it is nothing compared to how much love you are going to feel for that warm bundle of joy that is handed to you.
From then on, your priorities are going to change because along with the intense love you will have for your baby, you will also do anything you can to give your baby the best of everything.
As a result, you need to decide before the baby arrives what you need in terms of support both at the birth,financially and as a continuous support after the baby is born.
Do you want both sets of grandparents to be involved? Can you manage financially as a single mum? You may be asked to prove the baby is the father's (and all the resulting insinuations this may entail) - will you be comfortable doing this?
The father has a right to know you are carrying his child and your child will need to know you gave him the option of being involved from day one so as everyone else has stated - do let him know. If you can't do it yourself than do so via an intemediary but make sure its before the baby is born.
I wish you all the very best and I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your baby.