my older daughter was eating willingly only wait rose spinach and ricotta ravioli for a good part of a year and half. i managed to control it down to one meal a day and other meals would consist of pasta. i got similar advice not to force her (which is frankly impossible anyway). she did eventually grow out of it. although she is not a great eater, she does have a much more varied diet now.

one trick is to leave them with other people - she may well take different foods from them. my daughter eats stuff cooked by granny and nanny which she'd never come near with me. also, your daughter will go to school soon and see other kids eating all sorts of stuff.

also, maybe change scenery. go to a pub for lunch, or to the visiting circus and offer her a hot dog or smth from the stalls. or go to a market - she might like to try free things from stalls?

Hi to NVN members who have been or are struggling to get their child eating or eating well.

Something that is rarely discussed and is a stage that we all go through is the Neophobic stage - usually around the time when a child learns to walk. It's an inbuilt mechanism we all experience that prevents self poisoning so right back to caveman times when an infant learn to walk he/she would restrict their food intake/repertoire and only eat "safe" (recognisable) foods - hence why many toddlers eat everything and then soon as they become more active and mobile they seems to refuse many foods that were previously accepted. This stage can last for a few weeks/months and sometimes in severe cases extreme neophobia extends for a year or longer and the child becomes a "selective eater" this term is only used for children who eat less than 6 foods which includes what they will drink too (and on very rare occasions this can continue into adulthood)

I have worked privately with children of all ages who have varying degrees of neophobia, sometimes brought on as a result of terrible reflux which impacts on the natural development of eating and increases sensory defensiveness, as does prolonged illness and certain spectrum disorders. Ofcourse not forgetting many other fractors (including the typical control of willpower and the battles that children love to make us endure around mealtimes and food - the one thing they can control!)

Sorry didn't mean this to be a lecture or patronising in anyway at all but just wanted to expand on the other factors that do impact children's eating. having worked for 8years with a clinical psychologist and as a consultant for feeding clinics and hospitals I just wanted to share a snippet of info for anyone who might be interested

Also praise to all those who posted with their great ideas and yes - repetition - modelling and setting an example are all key.
Any questions feel free to PM me xx

We've been through all that, too, and DD still won't eat anything with a sauce, mashed potato, scrambled eggs, rice, melted butter, most meat, etc - I am quite possibly the only parent who virtually begged my child to try a chicken nugget! For the best part of a year, from about 11 months, she existed almost entirely on chips and frozen peas (still frozen!), and she would literally starve herself rather than give in and try something new - stubborn little madam! So, we didn't put anything off limits, regardless of whether it was considered "junk food", and just let her choose what she would or wouldn't put in her body. We found that she was more willing to try new foods during a pre-growth spurt, eat-everything-in-sight session, and that the "you don't have to clear your plate, but you do have to try at least a small bite" rule worked pretty well, too. It's taken a lot of hard work, a lot of going against my mother's instinct which says my daughter HAS to eat, and a great deal of tongue biting, but whilst there is still a looooonnnngggg list of things she won't eat (although I put it on her plate regardless if that's what we're having for dinner that night, along with at least one item that I know she does like and will eat if she's hungry, even if that is just bread sticks), I now have a 4yo who turns her nose up at McDonalds, loves fruit, and when asked what her choice of dinner would be, she asks for pizza and broccoli...and eats the broccoli and leaves the pizza! I try not to worry any more and just leave her to it - she eats when she's hungry, stops when she's full and doesn't comfort eat just because she can. I wish I had the same self control! She's growing well, fit, healthy, makes sensible choices...what more could I want?! One day she'll shock me and eat spaghetti bolognese...but one day she may actually eat a cake and not just the icing, too!
I know it's difficult, but honestly, deep breath and just go with the flow. Looking back, I also used to refuse everything from scrambled egg to broccoli when I was my daughter's age, but I love them now, and I had never tried an Indian until my 20s because I was convinced I wouldn't like it! Taste buds grow and mature, it's more the relationship with food that's important

A belated thank you to everyone for your replies. It's really interesting to hear different viewpoints and it's also quite an emotional subject, particularly when you know how important it is for your child to eat well.
I've definitely made progress since I decided to tackle the problem properly a month ago. I've stopped her snacking in between meals(this was a gradual process because she was so used to grazing throughout the day) but it seems to be working! I've been tougher and it was hard to not give her a snack when she'd hardly eaten her lunch and was starving! But I was brave and continued and she's definitely getting better at eating more of her meals. And she kicks up less of a fuss now about finishing her meal now, as she knows I mean business! It's hard but I remind myself that I'm doing it in her best interests, and I tell her that as well, which she's definitely taking in.
I also realised i'd become a bit lazy about her mealtimes, and had given up giving her new foods because I knew she wouldn't eat them. So for instance I put some sweet potato chips on her plate a few times, and on the fourth time she tried one! Having been convinced she wouldn't, she proved me wrong and she was so proud of herself! I could have cried as it's such a big deal as those with fussy eaters know! It also helped that her 3 year old cousin Archie was eating next to her as well and he was encouraing her.
So all in all, I think new foods on the plate lots of times to familiariise herself with them, sticking to mealtimes and no/small snacks if really needed, are definitely taking us in the right direction! Fingers crossed it continues! Thanks all and I hope those who posted a reply. It really is helpful when you're feeling quite desperate! next stop getting rid of the dummy! Aggh!!!

Hi duzzyduster
This is just brilliant and for me this exactly what food is all about something to enjoy.
I will try some of your ideas, they are just brilliant!

This idea might help, let's hope! I told my two year old, in all honesty, that I didn't think he was old enough to eat a globe artichoke because they were fiddly. I explained that he'd have to dip each leaf into a balsamic vinagrette then bite his teeth together half way up each leaf and pull down the fleshy part, eat it and throw the upper part of the leaf away into the bowl on the table. Once he got to the prickly, hairy bit on top of the heart he'd have to do something different (I demonstrated) and then he could eat the heart sliced up with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. He asked me how old he would have to be and I told him that I thought about four or five years old. He never liked being told he'd have to wait until he was older to do anything and this stood true when I told him he wouldn't be able to ride his bike without stabilizers when he was two and half and he proved me wrong then too. Globe artichokes became his favourite supper and his brother's too. Whenever they said they didn't like something or curled up their noses at the first taste of a new food, I'd apologise sincerely to them and say "Whoops, mummy's fault, you are absolutely right, I think you have to be a couple of years older to like this ....." These words guaranteed that they'd eat whatever it was infront of them unless they genuinely didn't like it and then we waited a little while for their taste buds to develop. They ate gherkins, olives, mussels and oysters and all sorts of other 'grown up' foods whilst still very young. Another clue is to never stand over them whilst they eat. Put their food infront of them and never make any reference to it. Go and do something completely different in a nonchalent fashion and if you collect the plate with nothing having been touched a bit later just pick it up and ask if they want to get down and have they had enough? Don't appear to be worried or stressed at all. We lived in France when they were tiny and they loved the plate of antipasti we'd share at the beach so I used to make their meals at home in a similar way with very small helpings of variety of tastes on their plates or on a chopping board to make it look like the brasseries we went to. We would ask restaurants to not go down the Children's Menu route and just bring the boys a couple of empty plates because they'd be eating food off our plates and if we needed to order more adult dishes we would. So they never ate ridiculous Children's Menu food which is normally pretty awful. We used to go soft fruit picking and foraging for food in the autumn so they learnt about food from its source and they'd find apples growing on trees and potatoes underground and not visa-versa. This awareness of food delighted them so I'd buy very young tomato plants and herb plants from the garden centre that were theirs to plant in the garden or on the window sill and they'd have to look after them and then cook with them. They would mix the pancake mix or scrambled egg and add their own herbs and soft fruit. A guarantee that they'd eat fruit was to get them to slice and cut up a variety of fruits, banana, pineapple, whole grapes and thread them onto a wooden stick or chop stick. It's good for them to learn words whole, half and quarter for when they come to their maths lessons too! Using the scales is great also. The boys would love the colours and try to make the most beautiful stick. The fact they'd done it themselves and they had ownership of the pudding was a guarantee they'd eat it and as they'd liked their fingers all the way through the making process, I knew they loved the taste too. I think the relationship with food from gate to plate is important for some kiddies and you might just find it helps you get over this trying period. Good luck!

I totally empathize with you. I think people that have not dealt with a difficult eater really have no clue just how hard it is for a mum and how we try every method under the moon. My kids are polar opposites and I didn't do anything different... one was just born a difficult eater. By nature my picky eater is a very cautious child so is suspicious of any new food and doesn't like foods to be mixed or unidentifiable. On the plus side… he’s never fallen down the stairs, never runs out into the street and he certainly never tries to eat unidentifiable foods off the ground! I have to pack a big bag of patience when feeding him, but now he has a well-rounded diet and healthy . But introducing new foods has still been challenging. I went to Judy Moore, a dietician who wrote a book called "Happy Toddler Meal time" and another called "Stress Free Weaning". She was very useful and gave me peace of mind. I would recommend her.

I didn't mean to be patronising and of course I don't know the whole story, that's why I started with a question.
I am just sharing my experience, but that's right, my kids don't have eating problems. My apologies for replying to this post.

I have to agree with Nell. We eat practically every meal together apart from the odd evening, I have offered food in every form possible, time and time again but when your child does not even pick up the fork, what do you do? Especially when they don't eat mashed potato???????? And as for ham........ never once has he put a sliver in his mouth.

God don't some of you jump to conclusions without knowing the full story -- Almaceti I come from a big Italian family therefore my daughter from birth has been used to sitting round the family table having family meals together.
She learns her mannners and also goes out to eat a lot!! I imagine the poor woman who wrote asking for advice also probably does the same -- make meal times fun!! Do me a favour, yes that's fine if your child eats normally.
Ours don't --- and it doesn't matter if I mash potato up with swede etc. or any other clever things with food-- she won't eat it end of!!
I found your reply patronising in the extreme -- the only reason I am going to a therapist is because I have TRIED all the things you have suggested and they failed. I imagine the woman who asked for help has as well - what do you think we do, stick KFC in front of our kids everyday.
I have tried all sorts, family meals, picnics, fun times, Anabel Karmel cook book - cooking with my daughter -- result she won't eat.
Sorry but she DOES have a problem and that is why I am going to a therapist...if only for reassurance. I'm not making her think she has one, I am acknowledging she has one...
I find it interesting that the one person who like us two has actually had experience of this problem was also advised by her doctor to ignore it and has resulted to feeding their child cheese and crackers. If you had tried everything and spent nights worrrying yourself sick because your child is not eating then yes you would do the same - and yes cereal is a lifesaver!!

I totally second Almaceti.
In our family, the moto is "you dont have to finish it if you dont like it but you must try everything". As well i give in different forms. Bear in mind too that it takes q few days for children to get used to a new food. For ex, when i introduced avocado it took me a week: 3 days in a row i put it on the table in different forms, then a break for 3 days and on the 7th day i gave it again and they love it.
The most important is that food and mealtimes are a pleasure snd shouldnt be stressfull. I am at home so i have lunch with them everyday including the w-e and if we have no plans on saturday night we also have dinner together. Children should see you eat the same as them and by eating with you they also learn manners and the art of conversing.

Good luck. Sx

Almaceti
You took the words out of my mouth! I totally totally agree.
Xx

Hi Ladies,
I have there girls aged 5, 3 and 2 and I must say I have been through it all.
My first daughter was difficult to wean, she only wanted breast milk and her eating improved when I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months and when she went to private nursery.
I must say the private nursery I use have helped loads. I went back to work 4 days a week and she ate everything at nursery. I think it is their strict meal times and structure. (Do try it if you can). So all I do is copy the nusery structure and it works now.

My 3 year-old eats everything at nursery but is a vegetarian at home - don't know why.
My 2 year-old is the best eater - but tends to favour baked beans.

My advice don't deal with it by yourself, let others feed him. Go to friends for lunch and let him observe others eating. My friends and family helped me loads. In the evening, if all else fails try cereal.

To me, children's eating should not be a matter of books, doctors and courses, it should be something natural in the family. do you eat with your children? I think the most important is to show your children that eating and meal times are something nice and not a big deal. In my family we always have lunch together at weekends (not in the week as we both work full time) and we make it an important and nice family time. the kids see their parents enjoying healthy, natural and various food and I thing they learn by example. Also I do not force them to eat if they don't like; but they have to try everything. If they don't like a particular vegetable, I try it later in a different form or mixed with something else and I have experienced that they end up eating it (sometimes after months or years and maybe 10 or 20 attempts.)
also, I believe in: keep it simple for kids. I give them only homemade food (except a kids' pizza sometimes...), usually one vegetable at a time, for example boiled or steamed and served with a little bit of butter on the top; or mashed with potato. But no or very few seasoning, no spices, no herbs. Have you tried to boil carrots (or courgettes) with a potato then blend them with a bit of butter and serve with sliced ham? I can't believe some children don' like that...
also I don't force them to like too many things at a time, this will only come with age. My 2 year old at the moment refuses all fruits, but he eats most vegetables, so I dont insist. My 5 year-old used to refuse all fruits and now he loves them.
I would certainly not recommend to go to a therapist, your children will only understand they have a problem, which they just haven't in reality...
good luck!

I tried Mangetout Kids but was disheartened by all the other kids that tried everything while my son would be lucky to pick up any of the fruit or veg.