I don't understand why you feel the need to feel guilty for wanting to send your kids to private school!
It's your choice, they are your kids and I am sure you did not have kids in order to send them to state school to make the state school system better?!
Send your kids to private school if it is what you think is best for your kids.
If I could afford to put my boy through private school I would do it like a shot! There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to give your children the best you can...!

this is a bizarre thread, with seemingly everyone needing validation for the choices they make.

* whilst of course denying superficially just that.

the fact is that people will do the best they can, well in most cases anyway. no need to feel guilty for the managing as best you are able, but that's not the same as saying it is the absolute best possible outcomes - which some are trying to fool themselves and others into believing.

there is no doubt the possibilities and probably life choices and outcomes are enhanced for those that go to Eton or Westminster. they are just are, there is no point arguing otherwise, even if it makes you feel better

is that fair? perhaps not.

Which is not the same as needing validation that you are doing a "good job" - if you are doing the best you can, that's enough.

I simply add this link from the bbc site to this debate

Headline from the BBC is

Have private schools helped teen app makers to thrive?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-22032013

I went to a "top" public school. Sexual and physical bullying was the norm and when it was reported to staff they said it was the girls' fault and "how could we make such accusations". I was eventually raped. Friends took me to the school medical centre, so they were aware of the incident, but still made the boy in question deputy head boy.

My children will be going to private school, for various reasons, and I will try to find the one with the best pastoral care going. But I'm not kidding myself that anyone apart from their parents will have their absolute best interests at heart and it will be my life's work to try to protect them from this sort of thing.

Am I the only person who thinks the original post sounds like the title of a book or a blog?

With such colourful and detailed responses, the original poster certainly has got some 'rich' material to work with. I hope that I am wrong!

Surely the facilities are better at private schools? Depravity happens in all walks of life!

Again, I think we are all interested in a good education for our children. A happy safe environment, that accommodates our families needs. EVERY school deals with bullying... state and private no matter how good the rating of the school is. If there was a perfect school out there for everyone, then we wouldn't have such variety in our choices....

Good Luck everyone with the school crap. It literally is all anyone talks about until their kid is at the right school... and then there is always a friend having problems getting into a school. It's as bad as the weather!

So THIS is why you send your children private

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... ernet.html

Totally got it now, because private is SO different

My Dad was an engineer and we moved contract to contract. Which meant I went to 3 primary schools and 4 secondary schools. I went to both state and private Catholic primary schools, one being run by Nuns. Aside of corperal punishment with a ruler on the hand I would be happy to send my children to those schools.

I went to a Grammar School, Private and Comprehensive during my secondary school. I can say without doubt the worst school in both education and pastoral care was the (highly rated) Private. Because I was a day-pupil and on a part scholarship bullying was an accepted part of the system by the boarding pupils who were mainly the children of ex-pats. One day-student who was very special needs was bullied or victimised every single day of the dreadful year I was there.

I too was bullied and broke my hand in fighting them off, which as it turned out, was a price worth paying, as they turned their attention elsewhere. The only supportive comment I ever heard from a teacher was "you have to give the boarders a bit of leeway, they go a bit stir crazy".

I was expecting the same when I moved to a Comprehensive (this was the fear era of the '70's) but nothing could be further from the truth. It was a school of the standards that parents could be reassured by in every aspect.

So what's my point? Well in relation to the OP my point is this. It's not about Private or State, nor has it ever been. You only have to do a google search to confirm that. It's always down to the senior staff and the parents. They will make or break the school on both it's educational and pastoral care. I don't believe there's any evidence either factually or ancedotally to say there's more bullying or less care in the local state schools over the private in this area.

I'd bet my hand on it.

I also think the fact that not everyone gets offered a good state school that they are happy with in this area means there is not so much of a bubble as you think in private schools. In fact, I would say that the profile in some of the private primary schools doesn't differ dramatically from that in the 'outstanding' local state schools.

Yes the whole good/bad, state v private situation in London does force parents into making tough decisions early on. Is it like this anywhere else in the country?! People I know who have moved out of london seem to easily get into schools of their choice...

It's easy to say that you are happy to choose to send your child to a state primary (or secondary), even if you could afford a private school, if you happen to live in catchment for a good one, which has great facilities, huge parental support and involvement and where many of the children are from the same socio-economic bracket as you (although not all, so there is the element of diversity). It is a truly fortunate position to be in. However I would be very interested to know how many parents in that position would stick to their principles and send their child to the local state were they in catchment for one which had a terrible reputation, poor results, or where the vast majority of children didn't speak English when starting reception. The reason why so many parents are busting a gut to send their children private is not because they are desperate for them to be educated in a privileged bubble (although I'm sure some are) but because they are not in catchment for a decent state alternative. I'm sure I must be going over old ground here, given how often the subject of schools is debated on NVN! If the original question was "if money was no object would you send your child private", my question is "if you were only in catchment for a "bad" state school, would you send your child there anyway?" Most people in this country don't have a choice, but honestly could anyone who is participating in this thread answer yes?!

Mungomuffet, you have just made some sweeping generalisations about private schools whilst complaining about inaccurate generalisations of state schools. You and a few other posters may be happy with your children in your local state primary but this discussion was originally about a state secondary school, and one that the original poster had been offered.

I guess finance and tailored types of education in the private sector may make it work for some kids. But the independent sector is a big 'business' it literally goes against basic education principle ie tolerance, equal opportunities,transparency...in the lack of which there'll be abuses. So yes, there'll be abuse in private schools for what they can't offer in principle, and in state schools due to lack of resources.

These anecdotes show that bad things can happen in private as well as state schools. With regards to bullying I don't think this issue is worse in one particular sector of schooling, you can't generalise. Particular schools may be better or worse at handling it whether they are state or private. However, the particular example highlighted by Privateschools is a really awful one and I think its fair enough to air it. Would it have been handled better in a different school or a different borough? Those things need to be looked at but we don't know enough to answer this.

I think its unkind to start attacking 'Privateschools' for asking the question though. I didn't get the impression that Privateschools was assuming everyone was as 'privileged' at them for example.

This was Privateschools first posting, be gentle!