I have twin girls aged 4 and am a single parent with no family support or support from their Father - except for £50 a week if you call that support! Ive never regretted things for a minute. Sure at times things have been very diffuclt. I think its easier having 2 children - they play with each other without needing me for hours at a time. No toys even - just entertaining each other with role play mainly. twice as nice I say..............

No, I found three to be a bit imbalanced, a bit of a triangle with two of us intensely focused on one. The four of us feels more balanced for me.

I totally understand where the question is coming from. When I was pregnant with my 2nd I was terrified about the practicalities and whether I would ever love another child as much as my first. But it just changes everything when you have a real 2nd child rather than a hypothetical one - your capacity to love above all else just grows.

No matter how tired, overwhelmed etc you feel, you never actually wish your child wasn't around, that's just nature I think.

Financially, it is harder, probably yes if you do opt for private school but also in terms of childcare if you go back to work - you need to cover twice the costs.

There is no right or wrong decision, you'll make whatever you end up doing work for you. Whether you stick with 1 or have 7 more, you'll be happy with what you have I'm sure.

If you can and are lucky enough to be able to have two children, go for it. My daughters are 16 and 14 now, so the baby stage seems such a long way away now. I was incredible lucky that my eldest daughter who is only 21 months older than her younger sister was fascinated by babies & was not jealous at all and looooved having a younger sister. I wouldn't leave too long a gap if you can help it as the older child will have had a longer time being the only child and is more likely to be jealous. It is a juggling act at first but it isn't forever, there is light at the end of the tunnel and then before you know what they are a teenager and they don't really want you around as you are sooo embrassing!! So enjoy and I only wish that I had had more children. My too girls are very different but they love having each other around and they like each others friends. One lot look up and the other looks after

I have a DS who is 18 months old & would dearly love another child, I had 2 miscarriages before my son & then another a few months ago. We would have had a 20 month age gap. I had loads of tests & found out that my progresterone levels were a bit low so took progesterone for 3 months & had accupunture but it made me really ill & no joy despite having got pregnant straight away the 3 times beforehand. I am now having to take clomid to keep my progesterone levels up in the hope that I can conceive & having scans to check for multiple follicles.

If you are able to have another child, then I would go for it, one of the major reasons I would like to have another is a sibling for my DS as he adores other children but we are painfully aware that it might not happen. In which case we will happily live with our gorgeous DS & know that it just wasn't meant to be.

Good luck x

Hi Harriedmum,

I think you were really, really brave to be so honest. It sounds like you had/are having a really rough time-I know you say you're not depressed, and I hope you won't feel like I'm interfering, but it sounds like you could do with a bit of help with your younger one's behaviour-it might help? It just seems (from what you've said) that it's his or her's behaviour which is causing the problems, and I wonder if getting some help with that would make a difference to how you feel about having two children?

You can tell me to b***er off if you like, but I've heard very good things about these people:

http://www.theparentpractice.com/

Take care.

Hello Tinkerbell,

I hope to God no-one knows who I am because you asked for honesty and I'm about to be more honest than I normally am with myself. Please think carefully. I was never going to be a natural mum - I loved my life and was forced to make a very quick decision into whether or not to have children as I was ill and needed some treatment that was not compatible with being pregnant so I rushed into having my first. I was then two years later whole-heartedly bullied into having a second with all the usual arguments of they will play together, one will be lonely, what will they do when you both die/get old/get ill and they have no sibling to share the burden/their life with, blood is thicker than water (tell that to my husband who doesn't speak to either of his siblings unless he has to!). So I did it.
My second was a lovely baby and I really enjoyed having a second chance to enjoy a baby as I had been quite nervous with my first. But once the second became a toddler it all changed. My first child is a lovely well behaved mischevious child I could take anywhere. My second is a stubborn, wilful child who has severely limited what we as a family can do. I had hoped that it would change after the toddler phase was over. My first child was a challenging toddler and so I was prepared but the time has now passed (the second child will soon be five) and we are well beyond the point where my first child became much better behaved.
I now value the days my eldest and I get together when we can do something focused on him alone.

I have a lot of friends who were only able to have one child for medical reasons and I know they envy me, but I look at their lives and how they can focus on their child and how their lives have moved on and feel nothing but jealousy.

Do I regret it? Every day. Do I love my children? Both very much. Am I depressed? No. Do they play together? Yes until they fight. I am hoarse from trying to get them to play together nicely.
Do I wish I had only one child? Absolutely.

Please think very carefully and if you have any doubts please consider waiting until you are more sure.

Please don't crucify me for being honest. Do I normally tell anyone this? My husband and mother know. And I also know some people who have chosen not to have children who when they saw I wasn't overly cooey with my kids, asked me honestly if they were making a mistake. Otherwise I also play the "wouldn't have it any other way" game with a big smile and utter conviction. The only tell is when someone asks me if I'm planning on having a third - I answer too quickly and without hesitation.

You mention finances - our two are in private school and it is a big chunk of cash, but it should not affect your decision. I never regret the cash we don't have as a result of having two. Sometimes I feel a little stupid when I see the amount of cash winging out the door but I am very happy with our school choice - that's a red herring, there are so many other effects on your life from having two that will be more pressing than doubling the fees or daily costs.

I hope this helps as I have considered deleting it at many points. Please think carefully. It is a truly awful thing for a mother to look at a child with regret, but it does happen and no matter what lies you tell the world, you will know the truth.

Hopefully just by reading this you will have either felt relief that someone else feels the same way or hopefully revulsion at what I have written and a conviction that having a second is the way to go.

I can't quite believe I'm going to post this.

Incredibly hard work, financial strain....wouldn't have it any other way. Worried about having a first child then worried & debated about having a second. Had awful birth with second child then when I got home from hospital my oldest, aged 3 at the time, disappeared into another room for a while then reappeared & took hold of my hand to lead me to the room he had been in. "Look Mummy" he said beaming & indicating all his trucks laid out on the floor in sets of four, "I've put all my trucks into families, just like us. We're a real family now!" He has continued loving having a little brother, little brother loves him back in equal measure & I love having them both. Truly special. I suggest go for it!

We decided to have a 2nd child and ended up getting pregnant with numbers 2 @ 3 at the same time.
So we went from being a single child household of a lovely girl, just about to turn 3 to suddenly having 3 kids!
The logistics were mad. We had to move house as I couldn't fit 3 into my older girl's single bedroom and we had to get a new car as I couldn't fit 3 along the back. Needless to say a private education is out of the question as is separate bedrooms...and the exhaustion???
The plus side though? I love them all. So much so I think my heart grew a couple more sizes when they were born. I watch them and just know that they will have so much fun together as they grow up. I feel very, very lucky. (But a bit knackered)

just wait until you start debating no 3 ! Lots and lots of fun and amazing family bonds, lots and lots of hard work...but now they outnumber you Good luck in your decisions.

It's so lovely to hear from so many down to earth mothers! You are the sorts of mums I was hoping to hear from - realistic but warm. Thank you.

I agree with everyone else, I have never had a regret.

Having my son completed our family. I have a one year old and three year old. Our little boy is adored by all of us and despite the first year of having 2 was the hardest year of my life, I still wouldn't change a thing.

I also had reservations before I had him of upsetting the apple cart as we were so happy but our happiness now just doesn't compare.

Financially I wouldn't worry. It's not that much more expensive initially, it's just the school fees aspect that's an issue, but it's quite some time from now until you have to worry about that. And don't worry about sharing a bedroom, kids want to, it's no hardship. My husband grew up in a huge house but always shared with his siblings out of choice.

We have four, so I know that's even more. A few thoughts.

The transition to a second child (or third or fourth) is hard. The first weeks and months are just a huge change. But it does get better - and once they are old enough to play together it gets much easier. In some ways it's easier to have a house full of kids than one - mostly becuase I do not feel this pressure to keep them entertained with playdates and activities because they have a great time together. There's always someone doing something interesting. It definitely gets easier once they are all out of diapers and buggies!

I think giving a child their own bedroom is overrated. Most of us share bedrooms with our partners - why shouldn't kids share bedrooms and learn to consider the needs and feelings of others? Having to do life with siblings teaches children to share and I think it's good practice for the rest of life. Our three boys share a bedroom and they LOVE it now (between ages 4 and 8). We'll probably try to have a bit more space when they are teens, but for now we don't mind being in a small house at all.

Having a bigger family is expensive, but I wouldn't trade my kids for more vacations or a bigger budget for anything.

I speak as one who has moved onto another stage. My two are 9 and 7 now. Yes, it's very hard the first couple of years, but they will entertain each other, which makes life a lot easier than entertaining one on your own! I am an only child, and wonderful as my mother was, i hate to think of the hours she spent playing Monolpoly with me! It may seem fine now, but it's so much easier with two as they grow up. Also, not to be depressing, but i am now have elderly and sick parents, and no sibling to share the responsibility with. My husband is amazing, but when it comes to your parents' it's not (I imagine) the same as having a siblng.

Have another one. You won't regret it. Just take a deep breath and get on with it (as my blunt northern husband said to me)!!

Good luck.

I have nearly 5 years between my two (the first started Reception when the baby was a month old). I would have been happy to stick at one (obviously wuold not be without number 2 now!) and do miss the times the older boy and I used to have together by ourselves. However, I would say this is the perfect age gap- very little rivalry as they are quite far apart in age, and while I get the baby to myself all day, I try to plan outings with the elder at the weekend (even just shopping trips) while my husband minds the younger. My elder turned 5 when baby was 3 months old and is a great help to me. I'm very glad I didn't have them closer together.