I think it's very kind and thoughtful of you to have offered some extra cash for food. I have been a live in nanny in two houses. One of them went smoothly because they were eating well and varied and were very friendly- we would always have meals together withought me feeling awkward to have interferred with their family time. Second didn't go quite as well, because even though I was told that I should help myself to anything in the fridge, there was not much to help yourself to....and mum and dad would have their dinner by themselves. Therefore, I think that the easiest way to go about it is to offer a bit of extra for some food they might like and would perhaps be to shy to mention to you about.

Seriously !?

You are right.

I should have specified that we are a bilingual family. My kids are half french and they do NOT eat at 5.30/6pm.
Their main meal is lunch and they have supper in the evening. I hired my nanny telling her that she will eat lunch with the kids, snd because she wants to she eats with them at supper. We do the same (except during the week we bever have supper with them as i wait to eat with my husband) but if we have no plans on saturday evenings we also have supper with them.

It is not difficult to sit down.

Sitting down and eating a meal as a family, as lovely as it sounds, is really not realistic when it comes to most families with small children and working parents. Your Aupair is an adult. When you lived at home at a teenager/adult were you expected to eat your dinner with everyone else in order to be fed???

At the end of a long day, the last thing i want is to sit down with my boss and have dinner.... I need down time, i personally go to the gym as soon as the parents are home/shift ends.. I much rather sort my own dinner in my own time...

I would be more than happy with a food allowance providing it is just for extras i may want that aren't available and still allowed to help myself to the pantry/fridge.

But you did jump to conclusions...

"How embarrassing too to get nuice stuff for you and basic stuffs for her... "

From reading the posts it seems most people are doing this to be nice to their au pairs / nannies and not to do something nasty. From what I have read it seems to me that the extra "food allowance" is for the au pair to buy themselves some extras that might not be in the already in the house. Most people have said that they can help themselves to all basic food already in the fridge / cupboard.

In this country a lot of people tend to give their children their tea / supper at 5.30 / 6.00 so although your idea of all sitting down together and having a family dinner sounds lovely I am not sure that a lot of nannies / au pairs would want to sit down and have dinner so early.

Sorry - this is a public forum and everyone can write what they want. It just seems that lately as soon as someone asks a question it turns into a political debate about not treating au pairs nicely (or not as part of the family!) and about teaching children good eating habits !

I am sure we are all trying to do our best for our families and I would hope that nobody would intentionally be nasty to their nanny / au pairs...

My post is not about jumping to conclusion but i dont understand why in this country things are separated? Is it because there are more fussy eaters here than where i come from? I dint know...
But for me it is not forcing anyone to eat things they dont like, it is about teaching my children that everybody eats the same and what you are given (unless there is an allergy of course), to sit down at mealtime and it is about teaching them healthy eating habits.
So in my house no food allowance but i ask her what her and the kids will fancy, if they want a treat, and sometimes i dont ask and sometimes she asks me.
I think we all need to go back to basic and chill a bit

I have to say that it always amazes me how on this site people immediately take the moral highground and jump to conclusions! Am completely baffled at how a simple question such as "what is an appropriate food allowance for an au pair" can turn into "you are making your au pair eat rubbish food while you are having expensive organic food" Seriously ??!!

My nanny does not live in but we have a "house wallet" which she can use to buy things for the kids and bits and pieces for her lunch if there is nothing in the fridge that she fancies. We are contemplating the Au pair route and I will definitely suggest a "food allowance" when we go through the interview process as I think its a good idea !

Thanks to those of you that provided helpful feedback on this. tils: we did actually siscuss in interview but always said we can see how it goes and be flexible about it.

for those who care to bother asking rather than jumping on your high horse: my au pair is lovely but a little shy. I have continually asked her what she would like me to buy for her to eat and offer her to eat with us too of course, but she has friends locally and often goes to see them n the evenings. She has asked for a couple of things which I have bought but she obviously doesn't want to appear demanding so is never very forthcoming. I am not trying to push her away - in fact with our previous au pairs, they have always eaten with us in the evenings. i think she just prefers the time to herself and doesn't necessarily like the sort of food we typically eat.

therefore, i've said to her that i dont feel comfortable about it as the deal is that she gets her food included but she never seems to eat our food, so suggested that maybe we give her an allowance so that she can buy what she likes to eat. And of course she will be welcome to help herself to breakfast and lunch, it's really the main meal that she will buy herself.

Mg midget - re the tax implications: I had thought about this and it's an important point but surely it's actually just a different way of spending he money you would anyway...? Any tax experts out there?

Stating the obvious but different families like to manage it in different ways. As someone has said the key is to discuss it in the interview. We have always said they can help themselves to anything in the fridge /cupboard. Every week I also ask what they would like to be added to the delivery shop and try to get them to add things as we find its cheaper to do big shops than pop into whatever local supermarket. This is the way we shop so I dont see any reason that it should be that different.

We then have an ongoing kitty for things to do with the children and they can use that money to pop to the supermarket and buy things as well out of working hours as I completely get its nice to browse and pick things up. I do however ask them to put receipts in the childrens kitty purse.

I think the key is to discuss it at interview and not to worry too much about what others do but do what works for your family and circumstances. Good luck - I actually think food is one of the most difficult things to manage when having someone live in.....

I'm baffled as to why giving an au pair a food allowance is such a bad thing?! Some au pairs eat with the famiy and others are given more freedom / families prefer a bit of space. If you make the arrangements clear before they accept what's the problem? I'd have thought many girls enjoy having some independence ( when I wAs an au pair I did). There are other ways to make your au pair feel welcome and respected.

I think its just something that needs to be discussed with the au pair / nanny at the beginning. In our case we provide all the basics (washing powders, drinks, tea coffee, milk, snacks, condiments etc). The £40 a week is to buy anything that she might want extra (for example we don't eat a lot of red meat and she likes to have a steak every week). From chatting to her, i think she quite likes popping out and getting her own things but I don't see why this arrangement should be criticised ? Everyone does what works for them / their nanny ! It seems to work for us and she seems happy.

I used to work as an live in nanny and now am on the other side of all that having a nanny myself. Never have i been asked what i liked to eat - you eat what you get and if you dont like it, well you can only hope next meal time you have better luck.
I was never offended not being asked
Also when did u last get groceries worth 30£? And what did u get for it? Certainly not even half a basket full in waitrose

If you pay a food allowance rather than providing food could this be regarded as taxable income though? I am not saying it is, but just posing the question. The au pair arrangement seems to rest on whether the au pair is living with you as part of the family, otherwise you may find minimum wage applies and that any income over £107, including a food allowance if that counts as extra income, requires you to register as a employer with HMRC. My understanding is that new rules from April mean that employer returns are required on each pay day if you pay a worker above the current earnings threshold of £107. I am not a tax expert but before you decide to give a food allowance I would do a little research to check if this is regarded as extra earnings. If it is and tips you over the £107 earnings threshold you have a new set of employment administration responsibilities which you may want to weigh up.

Our au pair eats with us or takes food from the fridge (we discuss if something is being held back for a planned meal so she doesn't take a vital ingredient). We buy her some foods and snacks that she likes for her lunch/snacks. We discuss her likes and dislikes and try to accommodate. Going shopping with your au pair is a good suggestion to help learn their likes and dislikes.

I also think that if your au pair is eating in front of your children it is good to have a bit of influence on what he/she eats in front of them. If she is eating all sorts of unhealthy junk your children may want the same.

Hi there,


I used to work as an au-pair, lived with a lovely family for almost 2 years. The family had a nanny too and I went food shopping with her most of the time. So I could choose what I wanted to eat. Or she asked me what I wanted if I could not go. Why do not you take your au-pair with you and let her choose. After a couple of shopping I guess you will see what she likes and you can do the shopping without her. Or just ask her whether she is happy with the food you have in the fridge.
Giving money for food to the au-pair is actually a good idea.... I was never asked but I had the food what I liked. So I was happy....

Why so awful Petal ? I don't understand?

Our nanny sometimes eats with us and doesn't others. She is completely part of the family but the reality is that she is a young adult living in someone elses house and does not want to eat with us all the time which is compeltely fine ! After a day looking after our kids, i also understand that she might want time to herself and i would not impose our food and our habits on her. She likes certain types of food and prefers popping out and buying these for herself. She is part of the family of course but it is also a job - I would hate having to eat with my boss every day !

I guess its something that you need to establish with your own nanny/au pair before they start. But we give ours a food allowance (£40) so she can decide for herself.