And a cautionary tale from me. Our friend married a lovely woman a few years ago. Her parents were determined to 'help' them out. They bought them a home as a wedding present - in the same village as them. Husband didn't want to accept, but was eventually persuaded to. Once they moved in, they saw the parents in law several times a week. PILs dropped in uninvited and had opinions on everything including children's schools, activities, interior design. 
More importantly, when this began to cause issues, the wife started to run to the parents to talk about the husband. He asked her to move further away from the parents, but by that stage she didn't want to. 
To cut a long story short, after counselling, the couple divorced. They have a young son who now only sees his father, our friend, at the weekend. Our friend is devastated but effectively she chose her parents over him. As a PP said, husbands have pride in providing for the family and overriding that can be ultra damaging. 

Oh my. This post is exactly why I am so so proud of my hubs & me for paying absolutely everything for my kids. I am honestly happy we dont have parents with money. and that the money we have is by hard ass working. My kid is being raised super grounded ( she goes private school and have many middle class things that we didnt) but She has strong values and knows exactly where money comes from.

I will be seriously thinking on how I want to live my life. Also your husband is totally right, if I bring all the money I am entittled to say how we should spend it. I would not like it to be wasted on a lifestyle!

Give your husband a break and make it work, or go back to work make the same money.

Just remember when we die, we go naked, same way we were born.

Good luCK

Agree w Scientist.
Only thing I would feel was ‘ok’ would be for parents to pay a specific bill or fees, if they greed w the principle.
But funding a lifestyle, not in my book either.

Wow. At first reading, it's hard not to judge this post harshly. The oft used phrase 'self-entitled' comes to mind.

I really hope that my children don't grow up thinking like this, when they're older and have reached the stage where they can (and should) operate as self contained family units, with all the responsibilities & burdens that come bundled into the bargain. Mind you, more than a few people think like you, so there it is. It is absolutely your right to make choices and your parents' right to spend their money as they see fit. 

Good luck - I hope you make the right decisions and I hope that you and your family can live with those decisions. But for now, with scant information at my disposal, I'm with your husband. 

Could I offer you a suggestion from personal experience?  First of all a little background - we don't have children but have a brother and sister in law who were not very well off and had at the relevant time (about 2000) two bright children who deserved a really good education.  After we sold a business we set up a Trust for the children in equal shares, with educational costs having the first call on the funds, but with each child entitled to any residue from their share after they completed their education.  In the event one was really bright and most of her funds were spent by the time she finished university, including post grad. The other left school earlier - not dropping out, but preferring not to do university.  She was left with some funds over, which have just paid the deposit on a house.

My advice if you approach your parents is fourfold (1) make sure you agree everything in detail with your husband (2) do everything you can to make it unconditional - we had no say in the children's education once we had signed the cheque (3) try to get it in a ringfenced lump sum to give you and the children security and finally (4) if taking educational costs out of the equation doesn't solve the problem then you have some very serious thinking to do about your lifestyle.  Don't underestimate what inflation and rising interest costs might do.

Hope that helps.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply.
Many of your comments have made me think hard about our lifestyle and if I am being honest with myself we may be living a life we cannot afford unless our income changes. I no longer work apart from a little freelance, this is different to how things were pre children when we were making decisions about schools etc. ~I think that I need to consider going back to work and to speak to my siblings.

I know that they have had help but I am not sure if it odd handouts or ongoing help. If it is the latter then I think that asking my parent to pay schools fees for us is a good suggestion. If it was just the odd hand out then I need to speak to parents about whether setting something up would be something that they are open to, knowing that they wil have to do it x 3! I think that they wil be fine happy to do this.

To the person who said I should choose the lifestyle over him, I really do not want to do this. I just want to have it all!

Well said . Some are retired so they do have time to reply . Hence my response . 😉

Knew a family with exactly the same dynamic and yes it came with obligations in return for the freebies ( expensive holidays bought and paying a huge chunk for the massive house she expected) from the wealthy in laws, woman's family. She gave up work because lifestyle was supplemented by her mummy and daddy. They live exactly where they want them to And they seem to spend more Christmases with them than the other grandparents etc.
Can see where your husband is coming from to be honest.
Paying for the school fees would be lovely though if they offer that and leave you to make your own decisions. I would take it as a gift to the grandparents ( if only ) and then you'd have more money for your nice extras. Could not see why your husband would turn that down - as long as it didn't come with obligations!

[quote=Talkman post_id=275072 time=1641304701 user_id=10025]Funandfrolics, which bit is sweet?[/quote]

The sweet bit is for people like hellogoodbye to have Papa and Mama to ask for money and them not only being more than happy to give it, but to be so wealthy that it does not even affect their lifestyle. Lovely position to be in. If I was her husband I would be all for it (unless they demand in exchange for their grandkids to be named with something like Horace or Crispin...apologies to those with those names). 

Funandfrolics, which bit is sweet?

[quote=Talkman post_id=275063 time=1641299974 user_id=10025]I feel like I’ve just stepped back in time. This is like a dodgy plot line from a bargain paperback one would pick up at Stansted en route to Torremolinos. (Other airports and destinations are available). Really hoping that some of the earlier replies aren’t as serious as mine. If only Noel Coward was still alive to adapt it for the screen.
“Oh it’s all rather too, too distressing, Tarquin. I simply must speak to Papa”.[/quote]

Totally agree Talkman. We have definitely stepped back in time, though these are the sweet bits. The awful ones are child poverty, homelessness, sleazy governments and female rape impunity. 

I feel like I’ve just stepped back in time. This is like a dodgy plot line from a bargain paperback one would pick up at Stansted en route to Torremolinos. (Other airports and destinations are available). Really hoping that some of the earlier replies aren’t as serious as mine. If only Noel Coward was still alive to adapt it for the screen.
“Oh it’s all rather too, too distressing, Tarquin. I simply must speak to Papa”.

[quote=Guewt post_id=275029 time=1641281306]I’d separate and choose your lifestyle
This will come up later and be a problem
It’s more important for you and you both have very different priorities in terms of what’s important
I’ve been down this route and my wife preferred her lifestyle over everything else.
Most women who live in this area will marry for lifestyle though…hence most spouses work in banking - way the world is[/quote]

Guewt, I dont know who your friends are but I know many women working in Finance and many more working in Law earning the money they need to sustain their expensive lifestyles (not to mention female doctors, business owners...). Your undertone is misogynistic.

Many women marry older men who work in banking to have a nice lifestyle. Many men work in banking to marry younger pretty and posher women and latch on to their lifestyle. Many younger men marry older rich women to get their lifestyle. Both men an women often marry for love, some other times they marry for something else. Very often I have seen the men marrying for looks, status.... Get out a bit...you just sound resentful. Maybe you married above your league and you couldnt maintain it?

Oh, and those wealthy women are too busy to post here... 

To the [b]original post[/b] from hellogoodbye: agree with the others. Sit down and do the numbers. If he is the main income provider it is not nice to feel you cannot change jobs if you are not happy because it could upset the finances if things don't go well. Too much pressure which causes anxiety and stress... 

I think your parents should help if they are wealthy and they want to, specially if they are already helping your siblings. Older generations have far too much wealth compared to younger ones with their gold plated final salary pension (which they locked younger workers out of), their free university, cheaper housing when they were younger...). In my opinion younger generations are being taken for a ride...

A 'cute' way for your parents to help would be contributing to their grandchildren private education. They could just say it is their way to pass on their wealth and save on inheritance tax. That way it is a legacy they are leaving for their grandkids and not strictly giving it to you? I would talk to your parents first to be on the same page. Good luck and enjoy life!
 

[quote]My parents are well off and regularly help my siblings[/quote]

There's quite a bit to unpick here. If you mean something like the following:

(a) Your siblings have similar [non parental] incomes to you; &
(b) Have been recipients of cash gifts which they've used to cover similar sorts of outgoings to the ones you're referring to; and
(c) A similar-sized gift would enable you to live your preferred "lifestyle" without any need to rack up more debt etc.

Then, really, I don't think it would be unreasonable for your family to expect the same sort of "help".

If it's something less clear-cut than this, e.g. your siblings were only using the money to cover bare essentials, even with the "help" you'd need debt anyway, etc, then it's maybe time to think again.

Believe it or not women also can work in Banking and finance too to fund their own lifestyle. It is rare I agree but can happen.
I don’t have much more to add except say that the low interest rate environment is slowly coming to an end so if you have built your lifestyle on credit then it might be time to start paying off your creditors.
So sit down with your husband and see what the finances look like . I would also forecast what rate rises will do to it . It might come as a shock .
You could also speak to your parents about tax and estate planning if you haven’t already there might be a way to receive funds from them and save on future taxes . Saying that I would use those funds to reduce your current debt not continue a lifestyle that you can’t afford.
You could also get a job too !