I would stay well clear of HR. I think it's common to have this 'treatment' after first maternity, the only thing is they definitely should not have been discussing this in front of others!

you'll get a far better response discussing things with your line and head of dept - if you 'complain' to HR, you corner them and they are forced to be defensive.

when i went back to work after DD1, i went 4 days a week. i was told very clearly that i could not lead key projects but could lead smaller ones. also that i should not expect a promotion on a 4-day working basis. i was not happy but i let it go, started on a small project (which grew bigger and was very political so got lots of attention). i did change back to 5 days per week and had a promotion shortly after.

in retrospect, i recommend to everyone not doingpart time but saving up some leave (you get all your days accumulated over the maternity time) and using your leave up 1-2 days per week so you can ease into work.that way you do not createa 'stigma' of part-timer but achieve your 0bjkective of working 4 or 3 day weeks. you can reassess when you run out of leave and if you still feel like it, you can apply for part-time work then.

happy to discuss - PM if you want

To give you all an update...I decided to direct the email to the head of the department instead of HR stating I wanted to put our conversation in writing in order to resolve the issue and avoid a formal complain. I had a meeting with him and we clarified in details what my role is about and what I will be doing - which was very good. He was - again - very apologetic about the comment made by the other guy. The guy in question has been recently promoted and has been quite arrogant and a bit of a bully to few people around. I am very lucky because the head of my department and the majority of people in my office are actually really nice - that comment doesn't reflect the general attitude of my workplace at all. To reply to some of you...I think I was upset by both - the comment (because I have NEVER showed to be stressed on under pressure, even in extremely tight deadline...so the comment itself was very inappropriate - I am not a different person just because I am a mum) and the feeling of being 'left out' and relegate in a corner because someone has assumed I won't care about my career now that I have a family. I do like my job and I want to progress in my career. I know juggling is hard but I am happy to be back at work and probably more excited and keen to work hard than some of my colleagues (including myself before going on maternity leave!). Thanks for the all the advice and different opinions!

TBH returning to work after time off can be very daunting no matter how professional and competent you are at your job. It's quite easy for something well meaning to come across the the wrong way - especially when people are trying very hard not to put it across the wrong way.

Would you feel the same if the project was given to another woman? How would you feel if the clients demands meant that your time off (which I'm presuming you'd be spending with your child) was disrupted?

One of my team returned from maternity recently and trust me it was difficult - 10 months away from work made it impossible for me do to anything but ease her back in while she took back on board all of her clients, not because she's a woman, not because she's a mother and missing her child but purely because the period she was away was a considerable time and it takes time to adjust - this would be the same for a male or female employee who had been away for that amount of time.

Personally in this case I think the reasons given were valid but maybe the delivery of the news not executed well.

i can see why you're annoyed, but I don't think emailing HR is the best course of action. give yourself time to acclimatize back into work and to remind them just how good you are at your job. this may just be a transition issue and something that won't be an issue medium or long term. you did the right thing speaking to your boss, but there isn't much else hr can do presently.

keep a written note of the date and what was said and add any further grievances to it. that way you can raise this and further instances if it becomes clear it's going to be an ongoing problem.

Hi there,
I am also a full time working Mum. I would say you need to think tactically and work out who has the power to actually change things for you/give you the projects you want. In my experience, however great your HR team are they do not have this power.
It sounds like you have done the right thing so far, but would there be any merit in asking to remain involved with the project? I bet with your experience you could act as a "consultant" on it alongside your website role. This could serve as an ongoing reminder of your experience and keenness and could help put you back in pole (poll?) position to lead the next interesting project.
Unfortunately I agree with previous posters that you do have to work extra hard to remind people of your abilities post maternity, much as men would if they had taken a sabattical (tellingly, I note that most senior men are too nervous to take sabbaticals these days, even where this remains an option...).
Good luck, I have no doubt you will get there but I would be inclined to assess your options calmly before making your move.

I would echo the good advise from mum2monkeys. I am not sure you should complain to HR so soon. Personally if I were you I would give it a bit of time and hopefully soon they will realise that you are committed to your job and really want to go back to working on the projects you were working on before. I speak from experience having returned to work after my second a few years ago. It took about 6 / 8 months (and plenty of tears in the evenings too!!) for things to get back to “normal”. In my case my priorities also completely changed (and again it took me a few months to realise). I realised that I want to work and I want to do a good job but I no longer have aspirations to become the CEO !!! I think by complaining to HR you will only make things worse at this stage.
Good luck – as you can see from the posts above you are not alone and lots of us have been in the same boat and understand how you feel.

I understand this completely. I work for a large financial services firm and my experience was the same as Mum2monkey describes. Things were tough for a while, I felt horribly marginalised and angry at times, but after a while everything went back to normal. Took about six months for me as well. Hang in there x

Agree with mum2monkey. All they will say is the internal web is one of key projects. Have a quiet word with the man and leave it at that. He will then have it in for you. He will get his peers onside and you will be pushed out .. That's worst case. What's hr going to say - you're right here take his job? Do you have a significant enough claim to resign and take it to tribunal ... If not bite you're lip and play the long game - put you're head above the parapet and you are inviting others to shoot. I'm sure others will disagree ... But think before you send the letter, what will you achieve .. Keep us informed of what happens

Just interested as you state "be made to feel like that".

No one can make you feel anything. You are being sensitive to the fact that you have just come back to work.

These are your feelings, to be successful and respected we have to take responsibility for our feelings.

I recently started a new job and I have been over sensitive to people's comments around me, not respecting my opinion and one person telling me to be quiet. It has been annoying me for some time, I have felt really emotional about it. Until I realised, people need time to respect a new person in that role, we need to prove ourselves.

To step in and complain this early would be a mistake, keep yourself busy, be efficient and thorough and keep your head down, in time people will know you by your work and will respect you for that.

Put yourself in the shoes of the person handing out the work, wouldn't you want to ensure it was done by the best person available and one you trust.

Good luck, it isn't easy coming back to work.

I understand how you feel - I work for a large consultancy company and when I returned from maternity leave my first couple of months were hell. Male colleagues getting all the good projects whilst I was basically demoted to analyst grade. I kept a log of everything that went on and considered taking it to HR / to an employment lawyer. However, after speaking to others I decided that if I rocked the boat it would only get worse and I'd basically be unemployable ..... so in the end I just knuckled down and get on it (with lots of tears in the evening). Now, after 6 months things are pretty much back to where they were before I went on maternity leave. I've worked incredibly hard - far harder than my male colleagues - and never mention my little one at work, leaving my husband with more than his share of childcare. However finally I feel I am being treated like I was before I left.... and over the next few months hope to gradually ease back the hours as others watch me a little less....

Of course this has a left a very bitter taste in my mouth - and I can't wait to get pregnant again, take a full year of maternity leave and then tell them where to stick their job!

I would think twice about rocking the boat too much though. I know it is really horrible and you feel demotivated, embarrased and thoroughly miserable. However, a lot of people go through this when they go back to work and in most cases it does seem to work itself out....

Good luck with it.

Thanks everyone. I am writing an email for HR to be sent out tomorrow. I agree with what some of you have said re. putting it in writing. Yes, priorities are different now - I want to be back home in the evening to see my daughter more than anything - but I like my job and I do get excited when I work on a good project. And I cannot stand the fact that someone can get away with making comments like that.

So you've been advised its sexism and discrimination. I'd be very careful. I'm not an practicing employment lawyer, but I have defended a couple of employment tribunal claims. I'd rather defend this one than bring the claim. Chill out things will change they always do. If they guy leaves next month...

Complain in writing to HR. please do not make my mistakes (in my previous life ie. pre-children, i was badly bullied by my in line manager. I have never complained because he had made me feem do unconfident that i was convinced it was my fault... Until few yrs later (2yrs ago) i heard he got sidetracked for bullying (another woman) and sexism).

You need to stand up for yourself and if you have a track record (pre maternity leave) of delivering it should not be too difficult to argue your case. But make sure of what you want first. If you are sure of wanting your job back with all the ups and all the pressure, complsin and fight for it. But if somehow your priorities have shifted, you need make sure this is worth the hassle. As somebody said olitical stress at work is the worst.

Good luck. Sx

I would definitely fight it. It's not just a sexist comment, which we all have to deal with from time to time, it's discriminatory actions which are preventing you from having the same opportunities as a man would have.

It is not right and is against the law. You need to nip this in the bud now! If you role over now and let them treat you like this then your career there is doomed and you will never be a fully respected member of the team.

I know causing ripples is stressful but you absolutely have to fight for your career when returning from your mat leave! Would you have stood for this pre-children? If the answer is no then I think you know what you have to do.

Good luck!

Complain. It's just this kind of casual sexism, endemic in the workplace, that sustains crappy stereotypes of women and contributes to their disempowerment. The public nature of the patronising little speech is a particularly unsavoury touch, both humiliating and disempowering to you, as well as cowardly on the part of your colleague (as you would be less likely to challenge him publicly).