Thank you everyone who has replied. She has been a really good nanny up until now. She handed in her notice on Friday over the principal of wanting to do what is right for her child.(!) We don't live in London anymore, we live in the sticks and its actually really hard for a nanny to find a decent job so I can't imagine what stress she is going to put herself under over the next few weeks trying to find a job which suits her and her son but its not my problem anymore. For what its worth she is working her 8 week notice period and she has agreed that her son will wear pull ups.

For those who are worried about my child's safety I work from home a lot and I see what goes on and I have a daughter who tells me what goes on when I'm not there and although its sometimes annoying that she puts her child first, I think its good for my children to be relegated.

To anyone reading this thinking about employing a nanny with a child, I'm unlikely to do it again, but it has been great fun for my son who is a similar age.
As for the carpets they have been cleaned but we weren't mean enough to send her the bill.

Thanks again all at least I don't feel like I have been in the wrong and hopefully won't find myself in this situation again!

Also offended by the 'nanny with her own child' attitude. My child is very close to the children I look after and it is a relationship that all parties hold dear. They truly enhance each other's lives. Like with any job, you get nannies with professional attitudes and those without a professional attitude. If you have that much suspicion around nannies in general then I would question you using them at all - how do you know a nanny with sole charge of your little one would even bother to save your child - what if she just saves herself? Maybe you should just stay at home and look after your child yourself.

Original Poster - Get rid. If my child did this I would be mortified and beyond apologetic. I wouldn't want someone with that attitude being a role model to my children. If she talks to you like that how does she talk to your children when you are not there? There will be soiling accidents too. She sounds like a bully to me with the way she is speaking to you. Good luck - there are truly wonderful nannies out there. x

No I don't think you are being unreasonable..
She is very lucky she can take her child to work with her !!
I've recently had a baby and I'm struggling to get a job with my 5 month daughter .. You might want to remind her of that ..
If this was me I would be mopping the floor and offering you your carpet cleaned. She wouldn't be so stubborn if you sack her will she !!
Actually you do know if you refuse your employers requests it's actually
Gross Misconduct..
You sound like a lovely lady and a reasonable employer ..
She doesn't know how lucky she is ..
Good luck and make the right decision for you and your family
Clare xx

Wow I am disgusted at the negative comments and attitude from some of you about nannies with their own children. What a stupid generalisation to make!! You are obviously very closed minded! I am a childminder with my own child plus 2 more. If anything it's my own 5 year old that has to do his own thing, gets less attention whilst I work etc as in busy making sure the 2 babies I am paid to look after have everything they could possibly need in those hours!! Favouritism isn't an option in this job be it your own child or not, if anything, I'm more strict and fair with my own child as I don't want him being spoilt. Some of you need a thought overhaul before you make judgement!!

Firstly I am offended at one of the above comments about nan ya with their own children at work. I am a mother and experienced childcarer/nanny. I know my previous employers could vouch for me when I say I am focusing also I the care of their children. Having a nanny with own child means for some families that their child has a playmate to learn and play with. Social skills in young children are valuable. My children are now best friends with their first nanny share children. For some families depending there may be a reduced childcare rate too. Don't paint all nannies with children of their own at work with the same brush. I know a few very good ones.
With regards to the original post, 19months is too young and more than likely the child is not ready. (this nanny should know this) It is disgusting if she is not cleaning up properly after her child and of course it is not nice for you to come home to on a daily basis. I hope she will begin retraining when child is ready.

I agree with the others that a "nanny" who thinks 19 months old is reasonable to start potty training is off her trolley and I'd seriously think about sacking her even if her son wasn't peeing on your floors. What happens about number twos? I dread to think!

But I would also say that I know a truly fabulous nanny who has always taken her son to work. She adores her employers' kids as much as her own. So I wouldn't let a nanny wanting to bring her child to work put you off if she's the right person.

But for the OP - you know what you have to do. Hopefully you can find a replacement quickly.

Maybe in this situation but it's very unfair to generalise all nannies+ own child. It's not what the OP was asking advice about.
I would say the family I work for choose me so their son had a friend to play with and grow and learn with, which is much more beneficial than anything that I could teach him and much more fun as it a constant play date!
In an emergency - any kind - you would always assess the situation before "saving " just one child!! The family have two children - would I have to choose just one of those to save !!!!!!!

I fully agree that - it's completely unreasonable to potty train when I child is not ready and if she wishes too she should have waited until her holidays. If this was me (I'm a nanny and mother with a child who comes with me!!!) I would be offering to get the carpets / flooring prof cleaned.
But I don't understand why people feel the need to comment on employing a nanny + child with such negativity. I take my son and have done since he was 12 wks and have always worked as hard as I did before having him.
What a silly statement to say in an emergency which would she save - would you comment this to a parent with more than one child!!!?????

Do you know why you are not allowed to take your child to work with you? Its because you are unlikely to focus on the task at hand if you were busy worrying about what your little one was doing. No parent should allow their nanny to bring her child to work. Do you think she will be giving your child her full attention when she is busy looking after a 19 month old that belongs to her? You must be kidding yourself to think your child is getting the service you are paying the nanny for. For your child's sake and to ensure non-smelly carpets, grow a backbone and sack that woman. Her attitude is enough for you to fire her not to mention the carpets. If you can afford it use a reputable recruitment agency. They will do all the background checks you need and your mind will be at ease with the new one. We spend more time buying our homes than we do looking for the right person to look after our little ones.

Sorry meant to say...sack her and find another nanny. There are plenty of good nannies out there.

How can a nanny think that a 19 months old boy is ready to be potty training?! A nanny should know when it's time to start potty training! I'm a nanny and would never do something like that. She's been totally unrespectful towards you and your house plus she is showing to not have a great knowledge of child development.
There are plenty of good nannies out there!

get your carpets cleaned and give her the cleaning bill. it's gross that she's just leaving it!
what else is she just leaving??

time to get a new nanny.

Tealover wrote:I agree with everything Petal has said. In my opinion this is a red flag - if your nanny is showing so little respect for your home at this point and prioritising her child over everything, then I suspect you'll have other problems in the future.

Hi Lucych,

I think you have been as reasonable and as understanding as possible. Unfortunately, the situation is a two-way street. The time and energy to find a a good nanny may be tricky, but you can not let the present one take advantage of this fact. Wishing you all the best x

I agree with everything Petal has said. In my opinion this is a red flag - if your nanny is showing so little respect for your home at this point and prioritising her child over everything, then I suspect you'll have other problems in the future.

19 months is WAY too young to potty train & your "nanny" is being totally unreasonable, I dread to think what else she won't "give in on", do take the sensible advice from other posters, give her a formal warning & start looking for a new nanny ASAP.

For what it's worth, I'm not convinced that it works when nannies bring their own children with them.