Father removing me from will Post Reply

[outofwill]

Hello
I have a problem and I'd like some advice.

I live in Wandsworth with my husband and two very young children. My father lives locally, my mother died nine years ago.

I have one sibling who lives abroad.

Whilst my mother was ill and after she passed I obviously had to spend a huge amount of time looking after both of them and I was really happy to do that (really). Then once my mother had gone I visited my father three or four times a week to cook and clean. He was not really that old, pensioner but active, but he is of a generation where he just didn't do any domestic stuff.

Again I was really happy to do this, we have a great relationship and it was FUN, but my father did used to tell me that he was so grateful as that I should be out and about with friends and that when he died he'd leave everything to me. He even explained this to my brother who is away and he was happy with this arrangement, he has pots of money but his life is abroad so he felt it suited everyone as he couldn't easily come over a lot whereas I was local and the money would be very useful.

My father even wanted to formalise all this so he visited solicitors and shared a copy of the will with myself and my brother so there was no doubt and no-one could get cross about the arrangements in future.

So over the last ten years or so I've got used to the idea of inheriting quite a lot of money (it's all tied up in a very large house) and although I didn't go looking for the money, when it's presented like it has been, one does get used to the idea.

Anyway, I am sure you can see where this is going. He's now met someone and they've announced they're getting married

That is something I am really happy about, as he is really happy, however they've now told me their plans are to downsize and enjoy the next ten years travelling and seeing the world. She is quite a big younger with her own grown up children and I can see her outlasting my Dad and all that money going elsewhere.

I am really stressed by this.

On the one hand I feel such a **** for even being unhappy when my Dad is so delighted, but on the other I see this woman who is now getting my mothers jewellery, will spend my inherritance and we'd planned a whole parts of our life (school fees etc) on the expectation that this would come our way.

Any advice gratefully received, am really struggling with conflicting feelings.

[Ruby]

Why not ask your father if he will pay the school fees?

[Beketaten]

Has he told you he is rewriting his will, or intending to spend it all? There are things that he could do, such as leaving his wife a life interest in his property, which would then revert to his descendants on her death, maybe he's already considering that?

Presumably his wife will now be his main caregiver if he becomes frail, so maybe he sees leaving her the property as recognition of that.

The thing is, it is still his money until he dies and he can change his mind anytime.

My father too remarried in later life and did leave everything to his wife (now widow) and nothing to his 4 children, 4 grandchildren or 2 great grandchildren. I can't say I'm happy about it, especially for the younger ones who could really have benefited, but he wasn't coerced by his wife, it was his decision and we all have to accept that.

[Beketaten]

He could also set up a trust to pay the school fees, if that is something he wanted to do.

[simplyme]

If a person marries,any will they have written before doing so becomes invalid. So your dad will need to re write the will after he is married anyway or the money will automatically go to his new wife. I am sure he will still have some money set aside for you but he isn't going to leave his new wife without either. Tbh I think it was a little off your brother having nothing

[Battersea 13]

I'm sorry but sitting here looking at Comic Relief films of babies and children dying has to put this post into some perspective. A lesson for anyone else "relying" on inheritance. It's not your money, no guarantee it would be, so organising a life which "needs" the money is so wrong.
It's his money to use and enjoy, until he dies. If a new will declares his wife is entitled to any leftover money this a would be his wish surely.
Crazy to plan your life and needs around a will and situation which can change at any time.
People with rich elderly parents take note.....

[Mum2two2012]

Battersea13 I think you are being a little harsh and maybe a bit cynical.

I suspect Outofwill is very happy that her father has met somone new but not sure how I would feel seeing another woman wearing my mother's jewellery. I think I would find it all quite painful. Whilst he was single it probably seemed normal for her personal items to stay with him however could you not ask for some of her precious items?

In respect of your inheritance....as mentioned earlier he would need to rewrite his will. You can only talk to him about this. As asked earlier what has he told you about the changes he will make to his will? If he has said he is downsizing you can talk about the money that he will accumulate by doing this and how he is planning to distribute it?

Does he know that you had these long term plans?

Out of interest how did you know that you would have been in receipt of this money when you wanted it? If he is unaware of your plans then you might have to look at Plan B. If you had discussed and agreed how the money was going to be used then what is the harm in asking him how he is going to accomodate his future promise?

It might seem callous and hard hearted but only you know your relationship with your father. But as they say. It is good to talk........You discussed his financial plans then.....discuss them now!

Good luck and be happy for him regardless of the outcome!

[Mumstwo]

Ohh my gosh! You should be delighted for your dad, he has suffered the loss of his wife and now he has a second chance at life and you only live once!! Yes he should travel the world, how amazing for him at this late stage in life!!! My parents are very wealthy but I never covert their hard earned cash, I want them two spend it and live life to the full! It's his money afterall!!!

[wiseoldman]

selfish woman...I will say this very clearly IT IS NOT YOUR MONEY...you have no right to it, its your dads...he can do what he wants with it ...you do what you do for him because you love him...not for financial returns ???? or do you ???
Earn your own money , pay your own way ,,,,buy only what you can afford ...

.his money, house etc is NOT YOURS...allow him to live his life as he wishes.., be happy for him....You sound like you're a vulture waiting to pick over his bones....you are to be despised in my opinion ....he owes you nothing you owe him, your life, love and care !!!!

My kids know I will leave them nothing, as we have very little and are in rented accommodation...they still care, visit, love and help me....even though all they get in return is my love and respect !!!

[nannyc]

It must be hard for you now, but seeing your father happy will make you forget about inheritance, you might be able to sort out the inheritance from your mum part, just consult a lawyer, and you will be able to get a part of her jewlleries and from her property share, but obviously your father will have the majority. Just have a chat with your father and tell him you don't feel comfortable seeing another women wearing your mum things, but that you are happy for him to have someone to enjoy old days. Apart from this, you can't really ask him to leave you anything.

[alpal1]

Try not to be upset by wiseold man.
Your father has involved you directly in his inheritance planning and raised your hopes. It sounds like you first started caring for him and your mother with the very best of motives and with no help from your brother. That was a good thing to do.

If as you say, the whole inheritance business was raised by your father in the first place, its not really your fault that your hopes were raised. With hindsight, I am sure you would not have let yourself get sucked into the scenario, but having found yourself there & I can see how you might feel some disappointment.

Now, normally, I would say keep quiet and suck it up because its his money and you risk hurting your relationship with him. However, because your father went as far as to show you the paperwork and initiated all this, I think that you do have the right to talk to him to find out his future plans. Give the wedding dust time to settle, then if you still feel the need to know, approach it as delicately as you can. Make sure he does not feel pressurised. You approve of his new wife, love him, and seek clarity not his money.
If your relationship is good, talk to your brother as well. He might be able to offer advice.
What ever you do, its not worth destroying your relationship with your father and potentially your brother. When your father does die, you will find that you would give away all that money in an instant just to have him back.

[NoodleFan]

I agree with the previous post and the similar ones before. Your mum's jewellery should stay in the family in my opinion.
As for some of the other posts (one in particular), the woman asked for an opinion, not to be abused! Just because it's online it's not ok to bully her!

[waitingforgodot]

Dear outofwill,

You have every right to want your children (as you are going to spend your inheritance in their education) to benefit from whatever is left from your dad AND mum. Plus if they get divorced, you are still going to be his family and you will still look after him. She will disappear. Talk to your dad.

[wiseoldman]

Further to the post from Ruby.................

why not earn some money and pay them yourself...or send them to State School...LIVE WITHIN YOUR OWN MEANS !!!! Its not his job to pay for your kids education !!!

[waitingforgodot]

Dear outofwill,

Again, ignore the old but very unwise man. It not your dad's job to educate your children but it IS his job to be careful and responsible with the inheritance YOU MUM left him. Remember his second wife may already have a house and her children could end up inheriting two properties and you and your kids nothing. Think about your mum's legacy which is you and your children.