How best to live with live-in nanny when home on mat leave? Post Reply

[DublinMummy]

Hi

I am in mat leave for next 6 months and have retained my live-in nanny. I am not sure how to work this now I am in the house full time? I would love some advice? Mums and nannies.

I want this time to really enjoy my kids, breastfeed, and recovery from birth before I return to city job. I have a 4 year old and a new born. I get no help from husband m to f as he works long hours or during the night really. I got very annoyed last maternity leave as felt I carried all responsibilities and housework etc. the live-in help is really to give me time during the day for me and to get some exercise as I am back on duty at 7pm again.

What is the best way to manage the transition from 1 to 2 kids and me being around the house? We get on fine but I don't want to have lunch and dinner together everyday. I am not sure how to organise the next few weeks. My 4 year old starts preschool 5 mornings in September.

Also do I have to buy her all coffees and ice creams when we are out and about but had lunch in the house?

Thanks
Mary

[BettyBoo]

I've just finished an 8mth stint at home with nanny looking after my oldest.

I wanted my oldest to continue with his routine and allow me to have some quality time with my newborn, the same he had when he was born.

Luckily my nanny went out morning and afternoon for various play dates and activities and I had no desire to go with her and loved having house to myself to nap or just be with daughter. I went on the occasional walk to bandstand.

She was really respectful of my space, and things like lunch were never together. We did our own thing.

I did find her so helpful on occasions when needed. Take a shower, pop to shops etc. I never asked her to look after my daughter as her contract was for my son and a nannyshare. So she was not 100% contracted to me and I think that's different to you as yours lives in.

Best of luck it's hardwork with two but enjoy the help. I couldn't have done without mine.

[mumandmore]

Hi there. I am in exactly the same position on all fronts, due this week. I would clearly lay down how you expect things to go before the baby arrives - are you happy that she focussed on your elder child in the afternoon afternoons when he is back from nursery and helps you out with the baby in morning ? You could also prepare her that you will slowly give her responsibility for both at the same time when you need to sleep, shower, excercise ect... If she has agreed to look after two children when you got pregant then it's just a question of laying down your expectations of how this will work best for you. With regards to meals I would just say to her that you would really value meal times alone with them if that's what you want. She will understand - on occasion you could ask her to join but if she is like mine she will want to leave you and be discreet. If you want to chat feel free email me and I can give you my number.

[mumandmore]

My apologies I have just seen that you have already had the baby. Not to worry just have a conversation with her over quiet moment and you are not (too) tired.

[DublinMummy]

Bettyboo - Thanks for such good advice. Did you your eldest ever get upset and want to stay with you and not go with the nanny? At moment I only ever have one child. The community mid wife said I need to be more a family and take the two off to park so eldest bonds with newborn. I have been keeping my eldest busy and off with nanny or relatives rather than with me?

Mumandmore - I would love a chat. I will pm you my details. You ok in this heat at 40 weeks?

[mumandmore]

I'm not too bad this week. Last week was so muggy!

[evainlondon]

First of all, I can't believe the community midwife told you to be "more like a family", when clearly with a newborn and a young child you must simply be in survival mode, even with a nanny. I have a 5 month old and a 3 year old, and I'm just starting to see light at the end of the tunnel myself! Just be easy on yourself...

Back to your question - I've had help every evening from 4.30 and 7.30 and found it was best to be flexible re who was doing what. Usually the nanny would play or give dinner to my eldest while I breastfed (which took ages!) and then I would take care of my eldest while the nanny put the baby down or bathed him or, if he slept, helped around with the kitchen or laundry or cooking. From what my friends told me, from 6 or 9 months onwards it gets a lot easier in the evenings, but for those first few months I found it very useful.
Best of luck!

[KiwiAmanda]

Given that kids ultimately determine schedules, rather than lay down any hard and fast rules why don't you just all roll with it and figure out what works best on a day to day basis?

It's better for your nanny to know from the outset that things are going to be a bit in chaos for a while (as newborns tend to do to a household!) rather than for her to have to guess if the rules still apply when the day to day requirements change.