Potty training a girl - we are stuck... Post Reply

[meldoublew]

Hello everyone,
I need some advice please and I hope somebody has some specific ideas or can point me in the right direction please
I am going through potty training with my 28 months old daughter (first child). And since a few weeks she is very interested in the potty and we are spending a lot of time on the potty and now also on the grown up toilet, with her happily sitting there "forever" almost all day, but nothing is actually happening. Now this is where I feel we are a bit stuck: When it eventually comes to the point where she NEEDS to wee or poo, she always requests us that we put her nappy back on. If we encourage her then to use the potty or toilet, she gets very "stressed out" and she rather waits and waits Now where is the borderline between encouragement to use the potty vs putting too much pressure on her? She seems so stressed out that I just can't watch her like this, so we have had to put the nappy back on each time and literally a minute later she tells us that she did the wee or the poo in the nappy and she asks immediately for a new nappy or she wants to go without nappy, but she asks to be cleaned immediately, which we of course do.
She wears either pull-ups, or normal nappies or naked/underpants/leggings depending on if we inside the house or outside. She is a very independent, strong minded little girl, she can take off or put back on all her clothes by herself.
Our babysitter told us yesterday she has never seen a child that young with this good bladder control, but it fits with her character, she is almost too strong minded to let it go
So I am really looking for some advice from somebody who has come across this situation where the child seems to be very aware of when she has to go, but there seems to be some fear of actually doing it in the potty or toilet, and she seems quite stressed out if she does not get a nappy from us straight away. What can we do to get her to actually poo or pee into the toilet or potty? And also, how long should we wait before putting the nappy back on if she asks for it? Or do you think she is actually not ready yet, contrary to what everybody who knows her, tells us? Thanks for your advice in advance.

[pixies82]

Toilet training is very hard. I run a Nursery School in Clapham and therefor deal with these issues a lot. The first thing I would say is don't panic! (Easier said than done I know). Children always pick up on how you feel and that can have a massive impact on how they react. Its really hard but you have to be patient. If she is not comfortable to do anything on the toilet, continue to put the nappy on her until she feels ready. One thing that I believes helps is positive reinforcement. So if she sits on the toilet and tries to go, really praise her for this. Books can also help. You will be amazed how many children's books there are to help her get a better understanding. I had a little boy who almost became phobic about doing a poo on the toilet and so, we literally just allowed him to do whatever felt safer for him, even if that meant going back to nappies for a while. After a short time, he slowly became more confident to at least sit on the toilet and after some more time he eventually did a poo and we really went overboard about how amazing this was and he was very very proud of himself!

She will get there, just let her take as much time as she needs.

I hope some of this helped?!

Laura

[pieinthesky14]

Hi there

My daughter is 3 at the end of June and also strong willed (good luck us at 15 eh?)

Anyway.. my advice is - seriously dont rush this. I left my daughter until she was 2 years 9 months before I started. Before that I spoke to her about it, bought lovely nickers with Disney characters and generally just gave her a chance to get an idea of the concept (sounds like you are doing this too) - then I gave the heads up and nod to nursery and off we went.

I do think as she was a little bit older - it was easier. Everyone else in my NCT group started at 2 or more and then spent months with issues - with my wee one she had a dozen "accidents" then it became the norm.

One thing we did when she got on the toilet is we said "let is raaaaaain" which was funny and she would then listen for the "rain" (really odd for others at public toilets no doubt)

Is is so hard though.. they regress, they surprise you, they do it once, they don't do it again.. its really frustrating - so I promise you are not alone

Take it from me - if you want to throw her nappies back on for a few months and let the stress die down - do it. There are no hard fast rules on timing here - just do it when she's ready and fine.

I predict when you stop asking - being her nature she will start...

Take care

[dachshundvalley]

Hi, I potty trained my daughter at 27 months, and the first week was really hard, but she is now 29 months old and she hasn't had an accident since the second week of potty training.

My advice would be never to put the nappy back on (unless sleeping). I know it is stressful, and my daughter wouldn't even pee in her potty when she needed to go, she would have to stand, and then when she started peeing I would have to sit her on her potty to finish it off. Then one day she actually sat there and peed on her potty, it was like I had won the lottery, it was amazing. Once I had started potty training she didn't wear a nappy again until she went to sleep, and it is still that way. If you keep putting a nappy back on her then it confuses her. She also needs to have accidents in order to understand the process.

Also, I used to sit my daughter on the potty for about 20 mins as well, but I don't think it did any good. I think the best thing is to let her sit for 2/3mins and take her off if she hasn't done anything, as it makes her think it is just a different seat for reading.

Bladder control is the first part of potty training, the second part is getting them to use the toilet or pot to release the bladder, and the only way of doing that is to keep the nappy off forever. Don't even be temped to put one on her when leaving the house, if necessary don't leave the house for a few days with her, or expect to have accidents, it's only a change of clothes so no big deal.

Potty training is really hard in that first week, it broke me, but it is also one of the most rewarding things I have ever done, and I'm so glad I kept going as I nearly gave up, but we have never looked back since.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Sessa84]

Hello
I am a nanny with 10 years of experience now expecting my first baby.
I potty trained so many girls and boys and all I can say is: you're doing the right things! The only piece of advice that I can give you is to read the manual called Potty training in one week of Gina Ford. It might take longer than one week and everything she says is not melted gold but that it is the synthesis of the method I use!

Good luck!

[KatherineHepburn]

The best and most sound advice I have ever heard re potty training is this: You do not potty train your child, when THEY are ready they will do it for you.
Don't rush. It'll happen eventually.

[Pop]

There's a book called Princess Polly's Potty which we (and friends we've since passed it on to) found helpful to take away some of the fear of actually using the potty/loo. Might be worth a go.

[Amme_2005]

Hi there, I can sympathise!! I tried potty training my daughter at about the same age as yours and thought we were doing well for about a week until she just stopped being interested and having lots of accidents. In the end, I asked her if she wanted to wear a nappy again and she said yes so I put it back on and left her until 2 years, 9 months. By then, she was ready and wanted to stop.

Whilst I agree that ocne you stop with the nappy, don't put it on again (except at night) I think this applies more to it being on/off on a daily basis. If your daughter is not interested, I would suggest putting it back on and wait a few months

Personally, I think potty training is quite stressful - carrying spare clothes everywhere and constantly worrying about accidents! Nappies are so much easier!

[Team Southfields]

I just wrote a really long post but to cut a long story short. It really doesn't matter. She's awfully young at 2 years, 4 months and doing awfully well. Just praise her and let her find her own pace and lead on this. If she still wants her nappy at 3.4 then it might be a problem but when she is 3.4 she'll be well away and you will look back and realise how tiny and young she is right now. She sounds pretty advanced to me and it isn't a contest and there's nothing wrong with wanting a nappy. In fact it's great she asks for it rather than getting up and letting nature take its course wherever. Well done her and let her know it.

Absolutely nothing wrong with it. She's big enough to learn about pottys and toilets and too small to have made the connection that you can do wees and poos in them instead of in a nappy. She's confident with how things are now. Let her grow in confidence and work it out when she's ready.

Well done you and her to be this far this soon.

[BettyBoo]

My nanny trained both my son and his nanny share who was a girl. Both similar age to yours and both showed all the signs of being ready. We read Gina Ford potty training in a week.

She read pirate pete potty book and then at breakfast put a chart up on the wall and gave them a sticker sheet each. Stayed in for a couple of days and no pull ups or nappies allowed.

Both were a bit different - my son very vocal about going and the little girl being placed on potty every 30 mins as she didn't ask to go. Both got stickers every time they tried or went. When they went big celebrations - stickers, high fives etc.

Both done in a week.

Good luck. It can be stressful.

[Penguin80]

I agree with a lot of the advice, but I would also not put nappies on during the day if possible, as it can give children mixed messages. I'd take her to choose some big girl pants, and use a sticker chart with small rewards after a certain amount of stickers. I.e a new book, small toy sweets or whatever you like.
Lots of praise and encouragement, there will be lots of accidents and lots of washing which is difficult but if you persevere it will work.
Take a trip to the library too and get some stories about using the potty, use dolls etc too to pretend to go to give her confidence.
I've got 15 years of experience working with children and different methods work for different children, keep going she will do it when she is ready.

[cheshirecat]

Sounds like she's scared of actually going into the toilet. You could ask her what she thinks happens when you wee or poo on the tiolet or potty. You might get some idea from her about what it is that is bothering her. Two year old logic is often wacky to us, but to them their phobia/fear makes total sense.

Also do you know an older child that's potty trained? Preferably a girl. Seeing older children safely using a potty or toilet is often a great incentive for toddlers.

With my first child I got totally stressed about potty training and as a result so did he. The same happened to my godson. They are 10 and 6 now and all that is in the past. Our first children are the ones we make all the mistakes with . Just rest assured that whatever you do, right or wrong, it won't last, she will be potty trained at some point. I have 4 children, three are potty trained and I can say with confidence that what works for one child may not work for others.
So waiting until she's older, or persevering now will both result in eventual potty training. Go with what's best for you and her, and don't worry about what others did, or say about it.

Try not to take every stumble as a reflection on her potty training or the way you are going about it. A stumble is just that, a stumble. If she goes in the nappy/pull up/knickers/ floor then just take them off or clean up without fuss and just say "nevermind, let's try next time".

Good luck