Bully at soft play. What would you do? Post Reply

[rebs30000]

So I'm after abit of advice. I took my son to a soft play area today and he was having a lovely time playing with his cousin. They are both five. Anyway, we was sitting at a table nearby watching and could see another little boy following my son around. He came out to tell me that the boy had been pushing and kicking him at the top n that he kicked him back by accident. I didn't tell him off for kicking back but did tell him if it happens again then to just tell the boy to leave him alone and walk away. For the next 20 mins I watched the boy follow my son around everywhere pushing him n hitting him etc n my son was shouting to leave him alone n pushing his hands away when he was hurting him. The parents wernt saying anything except "stop" n that was it. I was feeling annoyed by this point so went in myself n told him to leave him alone. He didn't. He was ruining my sons fun and I was tempted t tell him to just hit back!! But I've never been a fan of that. But my question is, would you have told him to hit back eventually? I felt sorry for my son. And I do not want him to be a target for bullies!!

[gruffalo's dad]

I read an column in The Times last week about the columnist's mother taking an eight year child by the hair and dragging the child across the room because the child had used a racist insult to the columnist (then 8 also). I thought the mother's action was pretty sickening, but lots of commenters applauded it.

From your post, I understand that the bully is the same age as your son. I don't know what soft play area you are at, but I would have pointed out to the management that the bully is assaulting your son and that they need to tell the bully's parents to remove him. I would not have intervened myself. If the management refused to do anything I would have taken my son and made a complaint later.

I think what you are most worried about is that there is something about your son that bullies will pick up on and target him as a result. I think this is a very valid concern, although I don't know how true it is in the case of your son.

Given the age of the children I think it is most likely that the bully is poorly socialised. Unfortunately, in the context of a one-off visit to the soft play area there's nothing that you can do to fix that.

[Taza]

First of all I have to echo the previous sentiments, you absolutely should have raised the issue with staff and/or the other child's parents. I don't think it was right of you to confront the child directly - after all, I can't imagine you (or any parent for that matter) would be thrilled at having a stranger reprimand your child (even if they had been doing wrong)

I also think it's pretty wrong to label this child as a bully. One afternoon of being a bit rough (which I am not in any way condoning!) doesn't automatically mean a child is a bully. Were they hands on and their actions wrong? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean they continuously punch, kick or cause emotional problems. Could this other child have socialisation problems perhaps? This is why it is vital to communicate with the parents.

I'm also not sure how one bad afternoon means your child will be a target for bullies in the future? Are there underlying issues you worry about with your child? Absolutely don't teach them to hit back!

[rebs30000]

This child was definitely a bully in my eyes. He was about 7 so a bit bigger than my son and clearly new what he was doing. And I didn't say I went in there shouting at him. I'm not an idiot. I went in calmly to remove my son, after the other boy's parents wernt doing anything, and told him nicely to please leave my son alone as he's trying to play. And he still didn't leave him alone. He followed him around everywhere and was horrible to my child. I was glad when the parents finally did decide to take there child home because of his behaviour so my son could finally have the fun he was supposed to be having.

[Taza]

Perhaps if you find yourself in a similar scenario in future (although hopefully not) you should raise the issue with both the parents and the centre staff

[Googiesmum]

It sounds like I am in the minority but if a child hits/bites/kicks my child I have no reluctance in calmly telling them that it isn't nice behaviour and asking them to stop. I obviously do not do this if there is a parent/carer already dealing with the situation but in circumstances where the offending child is either unsupervised or with a parent/carer who doesn't address the situation I am not going to stand back and let it ride. What would this teach either of the children? I would not tolerate my child doing the same to another child so how would he feel if he is hurt and I just stand by doing nothing - that its okay for others to hit/bite/kick him but not the other way round?

If my child behaved that way I would hope that the other childs parent/carer would tell him that the behaviour was unacceptable. Obviously this has to be done in a calm and age appropriate manner but I am confounded by the general reluctance to deal with unacceptable behaviour.

[Katche7]

We had a similar situation last week at a playground. Our children were playing in a sandpit and had spent a long time digging a hole. A child came along and started deliberately kicking sand into the hole and into our children's faces. He then picked up one of their toys. When my friend asked for the toy back he wouldn't give it. In the end I asked him where his mother was, went over and asked her if she could stop her son from throwing sand at our children. She did tell him off but it was tricky as their group did look like they could be quite confrontational if pushed (you might know the type). 20 minutes later the same boy picked up a handful of sand and threw it in my friend's son's face. My friend then asked the mother again to stop her son from doing this. Again the boy was told off and a few times she asked him to stay away from our children but there were no serious repercussions.

If there had been management, this would have been a good option as it enables parents not to have a direct confrontation.

[ordinarygirl09]

I have to agree with the previous posters in that I would have complained to the management. My friend and her little boy were asked to leave a soft play centre for exactly that type of bullying behaviour, she was mortified but if your child is spoiling the fun of other children then they should be removed.

And I agree with Googiesmum I have no qualms about telling another child to stop bad behaviour if I do not know who their parent is or if their parent is turning a blind eye, which sadly so often happens in play areas.