Would this annoy you? Post Reply

[IndyB]

My nanny sent me pictures earlier today of a play date she had taken my daughter to late this afternoon. She is friends with the nanny and traveled to Fulham (from our place in Battersea) to go to the other child's house. I don't know the other child (or parents) or the nanny.

My nanny has only been with us for 5 weeks and is doing well with our daughter (8 months) but I am irritated that she did this without our permission or any discussion. Of course, if she hadn't sent the photos, we'd never have known...

How would you handle this situation?

[kiwimummy]

Yes it would. I once found out my children were at the Horniman Museum because i happened to call their nanny when they were there, which is miles from our place.

Time to have a chat about what you are comfortable with.

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

I don't think the issue is whether it would annoy us (NVN community at large) or not as each parent has their own expectations of what they want their nanny to do.
It's obviously irritated you therefore you need to explain to your nanny what your expectations are of where she can take your daughter and how she communicates with you what the plans are for the day. This needs to be clearly set out in writing preferably so there can be no doubt at a later date.
You may chose to relax or make stricter rules as time passes on and dependent on the relationship you and your daughter have with the nanny and more importantly your daughter's personality. Again, put this in writing.
Personally yes it would bother me greatly but I also know parents who would be more than happy or not bothered by it. What other parents do though shouldn't sway what you feel comfortable with as a parent for your daughter and that's what you need to communicate to your nanny. Good luck.

[Bodders1]

I agree that it is best to set out your expectations with your nanny re trips out. It sounds like your nanny has not been with you long so I can see how this might have happened. Your nanny should not have taken it for granted that this is ok although she may have done this with previous charges without it being challenged. I would give her the benefit of the doubt but have an honest and open conversation about what your expectations are regarding communication (and everything else for that matter).
I have 2 boys (6 and 2.5) and my nanny has been with me for 5.5 years. We trust her greatly and she doesn't always tell us in advance if she is taking the boys for a playdate/to a museum/to park that is further afield than those in and around wandsworth common where we live. However, when my elder son was little and she had only been with us for less than a year I did insist on her telling me in advance what their plans were for the day. As time has gone on I have become more relaxed about it particularly as trust inevitably grows the longer your nanny is employed (providing she is doing a good job)! Good luck!

[laurah]

This would not have annoyed me at all and in fact I would have been happy that the nanny was being proactive about organising activities for my child but if it bothers you, then just raise it with the nanny and I'm sure she won't mind outlining her plans with you going forward.

[gail0810]

It wouldn't annoy me personally, but you are still in the early days of getting to know one another. My nanny is very proactive in organising outings and playdates with her nanny friends and their charges, but generally they are usually local and she doesn't always talk to me about them beforehand. If she wants to go further afield, however, she will normally ask me about it first.

I agree with other posters about talking to your nanny about outings and playdates and discussing them first. The fact that she sent you some photos says to me that she genuinely thought your daughter would enjoy the playdate and I'm guessing that she thought you would be pleased she had taken the initiative.

My nanny and I normally have a quick chat before I leave for work about her plans for the day, so I can ensure there is enough kitty money to pay for an activity and I have a rough idea of what my children will be doing - though plans do sometimes change during the day too.

[2009Kat]

Personally it wouldn't bother me. I have had a number of nAnnies and take the view that I am at work, I trust her with my children so I have to let her get on with it. For example, plans may change depending on the weather (eg we might discuss them going to the park but if it is raining then not) and I am not there to decide how the mood will go. I also feel that nannies need a bit of adult conversation at some point in the week so I am happy with play dates (as long as children are a similar age).

hOWEVER this is only my way of doing things. Your child is your business and only you can decide what you are comfortable with. If you are not happy then discuss with the nanny. I have. Colleague at work who does not let her nanny of 3 years take her children to anyone else's house! Works for the,.....

[pkmetova]

Hi,
I am a nanny and I have to respond to this post. Your nanny probably doesn't that this annoys you. I'm sure if you discuss it with her she'll be alright with it. There is always way how to make both sides happy ( you can invite the children with their nanny for coffee, call the parents etc). It's all about how you deal with your nanny.
I look after 17mo and 5mo and their parents trust me. They even let me go for playdate to Westfield when is the older at nursery and younger is sleeping they don't mind if I do little clothes shopping. They don't know my nannies friends but they trust me and know that I would never put kids in danger. And yes I agree with one of the mums - we (or me) work 12 hours a day we really need an adult chat during the day and if the children play nicely and are happy with their friends and everyone is happy. And playdates don't happen every day so why not. You leave her with your children you should be able to trust her then. But I agree with you that she should tell you her plan at the beginning of the day or if her plans changed she should let you know. But the easiest way is just tell her.
P x

[hellokittyerw]

Yes, it would definitely annoy me.
It looks like she had no idea you wouldn't like it though.
I would tell her very nicely that you appreciate her initiative but would like to know in advance where she is taking your child.
Also for me Fulham is further than i would like my nanny to travel with my young child. I would be much more comfortable if it was walking distance.

[Discodolly]

Has everyone gone crazy ?

I think its wonderful your nanny /nannies are ACTUALLY taking your children out on playdates / museums .. doing great activities and getting them used to travelling around London.. either via car or Public Transport.

I understand each to their own.. but really .. Would you prefer them to stick them in front of the TV / iPad at home all day ... just go to the same ol' playground e v e r y d a y .... zzzzzz

I think think those Nannies sound fantastic!

Yes have a chat about your likes / dislikes but its a real shame if you limit social activities purely because of ( small ) travel distances.

I am sure your child had a superb time too

[Mrs Contractor Mum]

Disco Dolly - people haven't gone crazy but every parent is entitled to manage with their nanny their level of 'risk' they are willing to put their child through.
Yes, 9 times out of 10, the child will be happy and safe and the nanny will have ensure the child's needs are taken care of.

However, this is a new nanny who is still establishing a relationship with the child. She may be CRB checked and IndyB has had her references confirmed but IndyB doesn't know the where the house her child has been taken to, she doesn't know the family of whom the child has been taken to and she doesn't know the nanny of the other child.

The fact is all she knows is her child has been taken to a stranger's house by someone still new in employment to them in a location she is unfamiliar with and probably at an address she doesn't know.

When your child is at nursery or school, as a parent you have to sign a form giving permission for them to take your child outside the premises. How would you feel if a teacher from your child's school took your child somewhere you weren't aware of or expecting? Its not really that different so all IndyB and parents who aren't happy about this in general need is a discussion of how trips outside a comfortable local boundary are handled. Communication is key.

[Jen66]

Couldn't agree more with Disco Dolly. I can't believe what I'm reading here - god help some of your nannies

[Florenceml]

Your nanny taking your child to Fulham won't do any damage, being overly worried about minor issues might...

[livegreen]

We have 3 older children.
It is worrying with the first child but you learn to trust.
If you are prepared to leave your child the key word is trust.
If you do not trust your carer then you cannot live the way you have chosen.
If you need or want to go back to work then you need to trust the person you leave in charge. Simple. When you leave the house they are in charge. Trust them because they know what they are doing - you are only learning.

The worst thing you can do is make lots of silly rules that undermine the professional you left in charge. Their option then is to not send pictures, texts etc of the lovely time they are sharing with your child but keep it a secret, and then you will never know and never complain, ignorant bliss is good for some!

Good luck....and trust!

[IndyB]

Thanks so much for the replies. It's interesting to read your perspectives.

As one of the replies noted, it is early days with the nanny. I'm also adjusting to being back at work full-time (as well as trusting someone else to fill the role I had done every day previously).

I told my nanny from the start that it was important we have open and honest communication- and that we were both raise any issues or concerns. So when I got home that evening, that's what I did. We had a good chat and she understood why I was concerned- and at the same time I told her understood she needs adult interaction (because I did, too) and that play dates are good for the children (and great she took initiative).

I think I'll probably get more relaxed as time goes on and more trust is built. I'm sure many of you can relate to the challenges of returning to the 'former life' after having a baby.

Thanks again for sharing your views!