Pre-nup with husband? Post Reply

[Prenupquestion?]

Hi
I'd love some advice.

I'm due to get married later this year to a lovely man.

We're both in our late forties but we have very different financial circumstances.

I've worked in the City for 20 years (as did my ex-husband) and have significant "net worth".

My fiance is lovely but lives in a rented flat and just about has two brass pennies to rub together

None of this is an issue, he adores my young children and they adore him and we've agreed he'll do the house husband role while waiting for his breakthrough as a writer.

To be honest I don't think he'll ever make it but I don't care as I love him and I've got enough for us both.

However...putting a tough "banker" head on I need to broach the subject of pre-nups and I am at a loss as to how to so this!

We're planning honeymoons and weddings and I don't know how to say "if we get divorced you get zip" etc

Has anyone been in this situation? On either side? How did you broach it? How did you feel?

Thanks

[tooposhtopush]

That's a tough conversation to have

I didn't know prenups were legal in UK?

[AbbevilleMummy]

I think that given you have young children it should be ok. You could explain that it's not about ensuring that he doesn't get anything, but more about protecting your wealth for your children.

[Prenupquestion?]

thank you, I think the same way.

I think if I frame it as "protecting the children" then it seems less selfish.

[windmill26]

Pre-nup aside...from what you wrote looks like you do not have much faith in him as a writer or as a equal partner in this relationship! I think you should have that conversation first.

[Goldhawk]

Why do you want to get married?

The best way to protect your assets is to not get married

[Prenupquestion?]

Hi
Thanks for the all the replies.

I want to get married because I love him, I think those are the usual reasons for getting married.

[Jen66]

Pre-nups aren't legally binding or enforceable in the UK but it's still worth having one as they will always be taken into considering when a divorce settlement is being made.

It sounds like a sensible move - and congratulations on your forthcoming marriage.

[helenthemadex]

that is a very difficult conversation to have, but you do need to ensure that your assets are protected for your children in case of divorce.

Is it possible to speak to a solicitor and get some advice about what you can do? if he is going to be a house husband he could easily argue that his earning potential has been adversely affected

[astro]

Just wanted to add that your post sounds entirely reasonable to me. I signed a pre-nup with my husband as he brought a lot more financially into our marriage than I did. I never saw it as a sign that he didn't trust or love me, it is just pragmatic and realistic, and if anything prevents money being a simmering issue behind the scenes.

As long as you come up with a fair split of assets which are created whilst you are together (particularly if he is doing the childcare) then he should be fine, particularly as others have posted if you frame it around wanting to provide for your children.

[amber100]

I married a banker and went through the whole pre-nup process.
Just keep in mind that the closer to the wedding the pre-nup is signed, the less likely it is to stand up in court should it ever get that far. So get it drawn up and signed as soon as possible or it will be very hard for a court to uphold it.

[JoEmpLawyer]

Hi

I am an Employment lawyer working for quite a few parents who use this site, and just wanted to mention that my Family law colleagues, Jane McDonagh and Juliette Shaw, are very lovely, approachable people, and able to help with this kind of thing if anyone needs formal advice. They will always have a chat first for free, in confidence, so you can decide how you want to proceed.

Details here: http://www.smab.co.uk/services/family--children.aspx

Contact details: jane.mcdonagh@smab.co.uk and juliette.shaw@smab.co.uk, switchboard 020 3206 2700.

All the best,

Jo

[kjn]

I know quite a few people with a pre-nup, it is a sensible option for anyone with a lot of money or property. I presume you've had the conversation before so this shouldn't be a shock. If not, I agree with the angle that it's making sure that, if things didn't work out short term, the children wouldn't be disadvantaged. If he is going to be house husband he should expect something and that's what his lawyer will negotiate. You'll need separate lawyers and the process won't be nice but once it's over you can file it away and hopefully never need it. They aren't legally binding in the UK but are taken into consideration in a divorce, so it's worth doing. If it's mainly the house you're concerned about you can draw up a letter of agreement rather than a prenup but I'm not a lawyer so you'd need advice on which would be better for you.
I don't think it shows any lack of love, it actually enforces that it is for love and not money that you are both getting married. Get it sorted quickly so it doesn't cloud the happy stuff.
…and, congratulations on the engagement!

[356girl]

Hi, I feel for you... and have been in your shoes. Proposing a prenup is a challenging conversation to have in a period of premarital bliss. I have a friend who wanted to broach it but didn't, and her impoverished once-husband walked away with just about everything she had worked so hard to earn. Both my husband and I have significant assets, and I was the one who broached the topic of a pre-nup. The legal setting up of the prenup was very straightforward, but it did mean discussing some big 'what if's. It was hard, and there were a few arguments and I had some doubts. BUT... I'm a believer of what doesn't break you makes you, and if he is an understanding person, you'll weather any potential storms. I think the advice you've received about saying you want it to protect your children is a very astute way to phrase it. I'd suggest getting the legal counsel before you discuss it with him, as it can sound a bit daunting. Also, important to make clear that you're discussing assets that are pre-marital, and whatever each of you earn during your marriage is shared (by law). Good luck!

[Prenupquestion?]

thanks everyone for all your feedback, hugely useful.

I'll take legal advice and then take him out for dinner and drop the "P Bomb"