Feel silly for felling so upset Post Reply

[pumpkin]

Hi mums
Sure most of you have experience the same but can't help feeling upset . My LO had a toilet accident today at nursery and they called me to come pick her up. So silly but feeling so upset ( embarrassed almost) and now gonna worry everyday she has anymore accidents
Just wondering if anyone s felt the same or am I just over reacting.

[AbbevilleMummy]

Why did they call you to pick her up? Didn't they have spare clothes? I wouldn't expect a nursery to do that. What message does that give your little girl? Have an accident and you get sent home! I would be quite cross if I was in your shoes, not upset.....

[pumpkin]

It's a school nursery AbbevilleMummy so not sure if that's why? They do make it clear that your child must be able to use the toilet by them which he does but accidents they are only little. Mixed feelings!!

[oab]

Is this normal for nursery schools??!!
I understand that they need the children to be potty trained, but accidents happen with little ones and it will probably undermine their confidence if they are sent home for it!!

[AbbevilleMummy]

My son goes to a nursery school and needs to take spare clothes in case of accidents. My daughter had a couple of accidents when she went there and it was totally fine, they just changed her and told her that accidents happen.

I think it is very wrong for them to send her home. Accidents can happen at any age and the nursery school should be able to handle it in the same way it would be handled at home, not by expelling them for the day!

I would bring it up with other mums from the nursery and the head/manager.

[pumpkin]

Thanks AbbevilleMummy feel much better though I was over reacting and yes I will definitely have a chat with other parents and head.
Oh yes and she did have her change of clothes in the school bag

[Pud1]

OP, I just wonder what type of accident (without wanting to pry). If it involves more than just wetting there may be certain restrictions placed on the staff in terms of how much they can clean a child up. Not sure if this is the case.
Petal, I think that children in Reception are probably helped more than you think!

[lemonzest]

I am not surprised by this, because a friend of mine moved her child from one school nursery in Wandsworth, whether this was the policy (I don't think this had any impact on her decision, though!) to another where my child was (and as far as I'm aware this wasn't the policy).

Obviously they want (and need!) the kids to be as toilet-trained as possible, not least because of the ratio in this setting. And as a previous poster points out, if they have a number 2 accident this is going to be extremely difficult for a child to clean up on their own (whereas a number 1 could probably be sorted by a fairly independent child - bagging up dirty clothes, donning spares, cleaning up the mess etc). I don't know what the requirements for schools are, but suspect that if teachers/TAs were required to clean up 'bodily fluids' the school would at least be needing to provide aprons and gloves to deal with this.

My concerns about sending home a small child in such circumstances (some will only just have turned 3 going into nursery) are 1) that they seem to be being 'punished' for having a toileting accident (I know they're not being punished, but they probably feel embarrassed as it is and being sent home rather dramatises the situation!). I've looked after 8 year-olds who, out of their normal routine, and in a very exciting environment, have forgotten to get to the toilet in time... and 2) that a very cheeky child may work this out and wee in their pants if they want to go home!!

[Bubs]

This is not normal at all in my opinion, and certainly not helpful to you or you child.

Even in Reception my (end of school year) daughter had the very occasional accident, and whilst the resulting 'dump it all in a bag for Mum to sift through later' wasn't particularly pleasant, it was far better than being removed from the setting for the rest of the day. I would be upset !

My younger daughter is almost 3 and at a mornings only nursery where every day there's a variety of little nappy bagged presents awaiting the Mums.

[Lansgrim]

That is terrible!!! My daughter is nearly 8, is in year 3 and has a medical problem called an overactive bladder which means she still has accidents, however she's never been sent home from school for this. In fact in Reception and even Year 1 her teachers informed me that it was actually very common for the children to have accidents and that she certainly wasn't alone.

I would strongly advise going and speaking to the staff, as this is something that can tip over into psychological problems related to the toilet with your child if you're not careful - as others have mentioned, have an accident = get punished and sent home.

Good luck! x

[NYE31]

I agree with the other posters, speak to the nursery/school, sending her home is an enormous over reaction & I hope that she is OK.

LOs have accidents & most nurseries seem to a) cope with this & b) not make an issue about it. A spare set of clothes or 2 & sending the clothes home with the end child at the end of the day isn't exactly onerous.

Good luck

[Sherlika]

Hello, I work with Education Law and what was done is unlawful. The schools, especially nurseries, cannot say a child must be toilet trained to be accepted in a school.

No schools are allowed to contact parents to pick them up in cases where child had accidents of such matter. If I were you I would remind them that this is unlawful. I suggest you give them some spare clothes in case they need to clean your child. If they say they have no space to change the child, you remind them that they must 'make reasonable adjustment' and use a provisory area to change her nappies until they sorted out a more suitable changing area.

[Pud1]

Presumably we are not talking about nappy changing facilities if this is a school nursery? Think the OP was just referring to her child wetting herself.

[KatherineHepburn]

How absurd of the nursery. Considering we are asked to donate spare/old knickers & pants to the Reception classes at my daughter's school - quite obviously the occasional accident is absolutely the norm.
Sending her home was quite an over-reaction I feel.

[surreymummy]

Have taught nursery and reception in wandsworth. They should not have sent her home. We always had spare clothes and changed children as it happens a lot!