Should I dismiss my nanny? Post Reply

[Horsa]

Hi, our ex-nanny is looking for a job 4 days per week in West London. She is super reliable and would never pull a stunt like the one described above. Please PM me if you are interested.

[curly]

I have had a similar situation where my nanny was not up to scratch.

You may find that she is not happy either which is why she is not making the effort. I would talk to her as you might find, if she does want to leave, then she might not want to work out her notice and therefore won't cost you so much.

However hard it is having her in your house, talking to her is either going to give her a massive kick up the bum or she will be happy to go.

Good luck.

[mum74]

Thanks. I did talk to her 2 weeks ago and ask if everything was OK /we could do anything etc and she assured me that she really wants the job/loves the kids etc. We get on very well which is why I'm surprised.

I think the issue here is that she doesn't really need the job. She's on a study break and only nannying as it's relevant to her nursing degree but actually comes from a comfortable background. The money is nice to have but not essential - I only realised this after appointing her.

Thanks so much everyone for your support and advice - seriously appreciated!

[LevinaParle]

Up to the point I read she's 44, I was picturing a young nanny in her early twenties who is demonstrating a lack of maturity and responsibility, not a older, ex-businesswoman turned nursing student and after just two months on the job? She clearly lacks responsibility and empathy as it seems that it's little concern to her how this impacts your job having to take last minute time off.

Good luck in finding someone new.

[Kate1000000]

Difficult. You want to do the right thing by anyone who works for you, but she's in your home, with your little ones. You have to trust them and once that trust is gone the situation is impossible. You need to know that she is helping you earn the money to pay her! You have to let her go. The reason you give her is up to you.

Not quite the same, but I had to fire an au pair who was asleep on the sofa when I came home, and my toddler twins were in the room with her. When I confronted her she denied it and told me I was crazy. She was easy to fire. Good luck with it.

[alpal1]

Make sure that you are very clear on the facts. Its just possible that her FB posting was relating to the day before.
You need to have an honest talk with her. (Be ready to interview her replacement).

[PenelopePitstop]

I would start looking for a new money immediately however I don't think I would go down the dismissal route. In my experience with nannies the last thing you want is any sort of unpleasant discussions. She will be angry if she knows you looked at her Facebook page and for my part I just would not get into any of those conversations. I'd just tell her that you don't think it's quite working out and that the sickness is been a bit of a problem for you and you need somebody more dependable -stressing how difficult it is for you to make alternative arrangements when she is off sick. You haven't really got cause for dismissal for gross misconduct at the end of the day if she says she's sick then you have to take her word for it – even if you know this is untrue. Just remember that from the moment you have the conversation she still going to be working in your house and looking after your girls every day for the next month. Good luck I know from experience these things and never pleasant and hugely time-consuming!

[anabala27]

Hello everyone

I am a nanny and i've been doing this job for nearly 10 years but i would better die of hunger then work for you.

I do understand that your child is the most important in this world but you will never get honesty from any nanny with your behavior. Why some parents thinks we are stupid??? Do you really think she didnt realized that something is not right with your behavior regarding her ?

When you hire a nanny , you promise her honesty but how honest were you gossiping about her before even giving her a chance of explaining herself???

And you are thinking about lying to her , so whats the difference between the 2 of you?

A honest advise for you ...most of us are not stupid and we realize when something is wrong . from that point without a honest dissolution everything is gone (respect, trust )

Sorry for any spelling mistakes but " i am just a nanny "

[UnderTheSea]

Hello,

I have been a nanny for 8 years, and in some ways i agree with anabala27's comment. Except i don't think you think we're stupid!
Just as much as you employers expect us to be honest, we expect the same from you. I know your nanny wasn't straightforward with you, but in this case i'd be the better person and just tell the truth. Yes i have looked at your facebook page, because you have been off sick too many times in this short period of time and i was suspicious. Ask her if she can explain, and do listen to her. (my current employer asked about my health on the first interview and i could tell her, that unless i'm so weak i can't get up, or infectious i'd go to work. In the past year i was sent home once with a tummybug, and went to work the next morning, she knows if i'm off i'm near death. )
If you don't like her reasons, then you have two choices:
a. Give her notice, and tell her that if you notice any negative behavior towards the children, she's instantly fired.
b. Give her the notice and don't expect her to come to work. (pay or don't pay her for the period of time, depending on what the contract say. Ie.my contract says in case of loss of trust, misconduct whatever you call it i am dismissed and not paid, but(!) they have to have a very good reason)

When you are interviewing a new nanny, there are many things you have to think about regarding the children, but think of yourself too. Ask how many times the candidate has been off sick last year, any illnesses you should know about etc. It's all affecting your work too.

Hope the problem gets solved, and you don't think all nannies are unreliable.

PS. Anabala27 I am not "Just a nanny". An employee, yes, but part of the family too, who works hard to teach the children. I am there to comfort them and calm them like a big sister, entertain and help them grow. Don't let bad experiences belittle you (i had a lot too). You are important.

[jg75]

I'm not an employment lawyer but I would be pretty sure it's illegal to ask someone about their health and how many days they have been off sick at an interview. Just sayin'...

[Nnsw4]

I think you should be honest with her and just ask her outright and then let her know the arrangement isn't working for you.

I was been looking for a position for a good while, many offers yet I have refused as apart from one family who I felt an instant connection with the others we're not for me. As a nanny you have to be particular about who you work for and as an employer you have to be particular about who you choose as a nanny...I'm probably going to get negative feed back for saying this however,I'm going to say it anyway...it amazes me as to why parents choose gap students or people who are studying something completely unrelated to childcare..let me not get on to the subject of those with barely any English.just insane. They are not going to take the job seriously because to them it's just cash it's not putting into practise what they have learnt from courses. Even nannies with no formal qualifications if they have a genuine interest in childcare the interest is there not like someone who is your nanny but wants to be a photographer? Choose a nanny who wants to be a nanny and loves being a nanny.

I find it rather suspicious that the posts from underthesea and the comment above opened the accounts within an hour of each other........ Just saying.

[SAvrou]

I have been a nanny for 24 years and have had only one sick day off due to being in hospital, so no it is not acceptable but unfortunately amongst the nannies you hear about it happening more and more. My job is a profession and one that I love but unfortunately for many now 'it is just a job!'

I personally would not keep this nanny as anyone who takes their work seriously would not do this. There also has to be respect from both sides

[jg75]

Right, just googled it as was curious and here we are:

http://www.theguardian.com/money/blog/2 ... -interview

Seems you can't ask a prospective employee about their health in a job interview. Which seems sensible to me - otherwise people with disabilities etc could easily be discriminated against.

I wouldn't expect anyone with serious health issues to come and interview for a nanny job, mind you, as it is the last job you'd want to do, surely.

[Super Dad]

The position in law is that you are not required to give reasons to dismiss an employee who has worked for you for less than two years. Therefore, there is no problem with you following the consensus of opinion on this forum and finding a replacement and then dismissing her. The only question is whether your contract with her requires you to give her notice, but you can always pay her in lieu of notice.

Speaking frankly, if I was in your position, once I had found a replacement, I would feel tempted just to sack her without further pay, but this would most likely to lead to an ugly dispute, especially if she doesn't accept that she has lied to you, let you down, and has effectively rescinded the contract.

Stress vs. Money - choice is yours!

[UnderTheSea]

I had no idea you are not supposed to ask about sick leave and stuff. I had nothing to hide anyway.
Why would you think that i didn't read the original post? That's why i created the account, so i could reply to it. I had another one for ages, kept getting the newsletter, but when i wanted to reply i realized i forgot my username.
As for anabala27. I do not use that tone to anyone. Would not say "i'd rather starve..." even anonymous. And because i'm not a native English speaker i make sure i spell check everything.
jg75: A friend of mine has serious IBS, but fantastic qualifications in childcare. This is what she likes to do and wants to do. Would you tell her not to do whatever she is the best at?

I'm really curious how the original problem got solved.