Feeling down after baby Post Reply

[rebs30000]

I've just had a baby 5 days ago and am finding it quite hard. I've got a nearly 6 year old already so have done it all before. I found it hard then, was only 17 and had no support from his dad. But it feels different this time, my emotions are all over the place. I feel like I can't give my eldest enough attention and feel like we are losing out bond. I feel down and scared all the time and lonely. I love my new baby to bits and he is a good baby, but feel like he is wanting to constantly feed. I'm breastfeeding and feel like I can't put him down. So doing dinners and other stuff with my eldest is very hard. I don't know whether I should speak to a doctor or if this could just be baby blues and it will pass? I don't want to feel like this anymore

[MrsMak]

Hi Rebs - congratulations on your new baby. Sounds like you're doing a great job if you are managing to breastfeed and look after a 6yr old.
I'm no expert on these things but I think as 2nd time mums we put extra pressure on ourselves to make everything perfect - but it won't be all the time - I'm sure your eldest understands to a certain extent - does (s)he have any other relations or family friends to spend time with (to get a bit more attention and to give you a rest)? Also don't be too worried if you have to put baby down for short periods to attend to the other - a little bit of crying shouldn't do any harm
Other than that I'd think about contacting your local childrens centre - they can talk to you and point you in the right direction if you need further support.
There are loads of mother & baby groups around too - where are you based?
Best of luck - do speak to your GP if you don't start to feel better x

[AbbevilleMummy]

You had your baby 5 days ago!! Of course you feel all over the place. You are exhausted, emotional and drained. And all of that is 100% completely normal. Please don't be too hard on yourself. And don't expect too much. Your eldest is going to have to take the backseat for a little while but you won't loose your bond. All children have this when a sibling is born, I'm sure no harm will come to it. And he'll just have to eat jacket potatoes, fish fingers, and beans on toast for a week or 2. It won't kill him.

Please please please don't think that everyone else is all perfect after having their second child and that their house continues to run like clockwork as I've yet to see any evidence of that outside Hollywood!

Be kind to yourself, be as lazy as you can in order to recuperate and reach out on here, to your GP or health visitor if these feelings continue into next week and beyond.

Also PM if you want to meet for a coffee x

[busybee5]

Hi
I know it's hard when you've just had a baby and routine is upside down but honestly it really does get better I recently had me 6th child (total shock) and it's a 10. Year gap between her and my 5th son I found routine of early morning feeds winding changing etc very exhausting then running around for my others plus being a wife Your little legs is still very young and your body is tired from carrying baby for 9 months then labour it feels like you've been thrown into the deep end
Just please promise yourself to try and get lots of rest when your little one naps even if you don't sleep just lay down and relax if you ever need someone to talk to and find it difficult I will leave you my number and you can call me if you like I don't mind
I am a qualified nursery nurse and since I had my little girl (who's now 11 months) I've been helping lots of parents like yourself as I know it's not easy I'm only a call away and always willing to help!
Please don't feel like your alone because like myself there's always someone out there
My number is 07815719518
Take care xx

[Doman]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling down. I've experienced post-natal depression twice now and understand how debilitating it can be. It can creep up on you and before you know it you can be very low indeed.

I honestly recommend that you see your GP as soon as possible. I don't mean to be alarmist but they will be able to help you quickly and kindly before you get any worse. There is no shame in seeking medical help and, in my experience, you will be treated with sympathy and understanding.

Good luck and I sincerely hope that you feel better. Take care xx

[mrsF]

You poor thing, I'm sure you are doing a great job and you definitely did the right thing asking for advice here. Have you considered getting some help or support to help get you up and running and give you a bit of a rest? I had an amazing maternity consultant called Hattie Weeks ( Hattieweeks.co.uk ). She was great and I really felt that she was there to look after ME as well as my baby and got us into a lovely rhythm which made life a lot easier. I think she does lots of different packages for whatever suits you best. I hope this helps and things get better soon. x

[LizzieTheNappy]

Poor you. I know how grim it can be at first when everything seems so difficult, particularly with an older child so you don't have any time to yourself.
I bet you're doing a really great job though. If you're able to get out and chat to other new mums it might help - it's always nice to know that other people are finding things tough too. Or speak to your health visitor? Or go to a breastfeeding clinic and speak to someone there?
Remember it's only day 5 so don't panic that you have postnatal depression. But if you are worried then definitely go and see your GP - that's what they are there for.
Very best of luck and I hope you're feeling better soon.

[lenelson]

Firstly... big virtual ((HUG))

I do remember that with both my babies I had MAJOR baby blues on Day 5!.

With my first, I struggled for ages to get him to sleep and then I would tidy & clean the house furiously while he slept, I would cry at least once a day with how helpless I felt and I never slept for more than a half hour at a time as my son was unable to sleep more than a 45min sleep cycle during those first 3 months.

I didnt seek help and I wouldn't take any offers of support as I felt that in doing so, I would be a failure... I would pretend to the health visitors, my family, my friends that everything was okay...

But as they say, it takes a village to raise a child so when I finally broke down one day to a friend, she referred me to a guardian angel in the form of a maternity consultant called Hattie Weeks come in to assess my situation.

My life changed overnight, literally, after just one visit!

I have put everything she taught me into practice with my 2nd and what a difference it has made to the challenges of the newborn stage.

Ahhh, just seen that one of the other posters mentioned Hattie!

You have taken the first step by reaching out for support and sharing your woes with us... that shows strength so give yourself a hug as well as those two precious gifts of yours and let us know how you get on.

Lotsa love xoxo

[firsttimerSW11]

You should definitely have a chat with your health visitor, they deal with this all the time. Hope you feel ok. The first few weeks/months are so unbelievably tough. But it gets better, as I am sure you remember from your first pregnancy. Good luck x

[Mrs L]

I'm sure you are doing an amazing job and balancing the demands of two little ones is a huge challenge so well done and don't be hard on yourself. Just wanted to back up a few posts I've read of mum's who've used Hattie. If you're still finding things tough, I really wouldn't delay and just give Hattie a call. I felt better just chatting over the phone and getting my first session with her booked in. She is amazingly calm and containing and took away a lot of the anxiety i had. She helped me find a lovely way to plan the day, no strict routines but just a rhythm to the day like Mrs F said. She has tonnes of great advice on feeding, sleeping & settling bubbas and common pitfalls to avoid. I would imagine that with bubba number 2 you know all the basics but could just do with having a sensible head to bounce your worries off and Hattie would be excellent at that. Good luck! xxx