Au Pairs - The good, the bad and the ugly... Post Reply

[Seriously?]

Hello NVN,

Not my usual handle, but for privacy, I am using another one.

I am having a lot of deliberation about our Au pair situation, and I would love to get any thoughts and advice.

We got our first au pair a year ago, and overall very successful. We went through an agency, but mostly for a bit of peace of mind for the first time. We went down the au pair world route for her replacement, and although our current au pair is reliable, she lacks any real engagement with my daughter and doesn't seem to be a lot of fun for her. My gut feeling is that I think we should let her go and find someone else, but now I am suffering from a bit of decision paralysis in finding a replacement as I dont want to get the decision wrong again.

The first time around we looked for someone who had very hands on experience with significantly younger siblings as a key criteria, and it worked very well. The current au pair has a brother the same age as our daughter, but I wonder now if she really had anything to do with him at all!

What kind of questions do you ask in your interviews, and how do you you know you have got the right person? Any tips and advice greatly appreciated, got 100s of applications!

Thanks in advance...

[hellokittyerw]

One of the main problems with getting a new au pair is that kids get very attached to them - if you daughter is really not that attached to your au pair, it will be much easier

My main criteria are that she has had nanny/au-pair jobs before (ideally in the UK, over 1 year, dealing with children the same age group as my child) and that we can call a couple of the previous employers. Also quite important is the feeling you get when you meet them - not easily quantifiable though...

I'll PM you a list of interview questions that i got from a friend.

[sarahroo]

Youll be better off getting a nanny if you want someone to interact and have enjoyment with the children...nannies either have a childcare qualification or tonnes of experience.
Au pairs are just here because its a life experience living in the country and its an easy job given most are live in...very convenient for them.

[F&F]

I found a fab au pair via au pair world - she's been with us a year and is staying on another year. I think if you go down this route rather than an agency you have to really prepare and commit time to the process of writing an ad, shortlisting (we asked the people that expressed an interest in us and we felt broadly met our requirements to fill in a simple application form with about twenty questions - eg what experience did they have of looking after a child of x age, so we weren't having to search their ad for this info. Some of the questions were much more functional eg about languages, visas ,start dates etc but it really helped shortlist down to a small handful). We then face timed/skyped with three applicants and by that time were relying on gut feel. If you or your partner have any experience of recruiting at work, apply the exact same approach (just remember these are mostly nervous 18 year olds with limited experience of applying for jobs!). A colleague of mine who's had a few au pairs now as her children are older gave me a great piece of advice - she said you're unlikely to find someone who has experience/aptitude of everything you'd ideally like them to do, so work out what your priorities are and if the rest happens consider it a bonus. I decided that I wanted my children to be safe and happy above all else, so looked for someone who genuinely enjoys spending time with children. My husband describes her as 'like a favourite relative come to stay who the kids adore but she's not annoying like a relative'! High praise indeed from someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly! Good luck with your search!

[mummy2-3]

Au pair world is amazing, lots of leg work but worth it to find the right one. love the idea of the questionnaire will use that next time. I always insist on having someone who is already in the UK so I can get to meet them in person and also less chance of them being homesick. At the interview get them to play/ chat to the children as well - ideally whilst you have to pop into the other room so you hear how they interact. Of course check references but you have to go on your gut feel, it's obvious if they like and can interact with children.
Be strict with them when they start with your expectations and help structure play if they haven't had much experience with kids, then it will all start to come naturally I'm sure. I have had some brilliant au pairs as good as any nannies and much more willing to help with the chores & housework, and better value for money! Very best of luck with it!

[mumtoafew]

This is v timely for me and am currently on au pair world for second time. If anyone did want to PM me their interview questions and/or questionnaire that would be amazing! We have same issue as initial poster and I've decided to give another a go... Hard decision!

[Lansgrim]

When I was working full-time we went through APNI (http://www.apni.co.uk/). They provided a really thorough file on each au pair, with photos of them in their home environment, details of experiences and many many questions that I'd never have thought of. We emailed potential au pairs and then skyped them to interview with our daughter.

We had a French one first of all who we interviewed in French (we are a French/English family), she seemed fine but after about 8 months she had really gone downhill and just didn't care about our daughter (various things happened which I won't go into here), so we let her go. We went back to the same agency who were totally on our side and helped us find a new au pair, even reducing our fees as it hadn't worked out with the first one.

We then had a German au pair who was AMAZING! She stayed for 15 months, and 2 years on she's been back twice for holidays as we all got on so well.

Both times the au pairs lived abroad and then moved straight in with us when they arrived in the UK. Every time when hiring and firing I've gone with my gut instinct above anything else.

Good luck with it x

[Seriously?]

Hi NVNers,

I thought I would post an update on this after receiving your wonderful tips and advice.

Firstly, thanks so much hellokittyerw for the interview questions. It saved me a lot of time trying to dream up my own set. That's one thing I have realised in hindsight - I wasn't even covering half the important stuff in my previous Skype interviews. Secondly, thanks F&F, for the steer to just take a more usual recruitment approach. Why on earth it hadn't dawned on me that a simple application with the key questions could be easily sent on au pair world I'll never know.

Using a standard set of questions, I replied to the girls who also met some key criteria on experience and length of stay. I also only replied to girls who had included a personal message which articulated a desire to work for our family specifically. This was a revelation. There were plenty of applicants seemingly interested, but then never proceeded to fill out the application. That was a very useful filter indeed. A pertinent question was around expectations of pay. It really helps identify the people who are looking for a working holiday, vs really wanting to to be an au pair because they love children. I have also now taken a more professional view on the pay, and have included quarterly increases in pay as of course the au pair is more valuable they stay. This did seem to go down very well with candidates.

After some more message exchange, I Skype interview a handful of really good candidates, and then finally met in person my first choice with my daughter (good tip mummy2-3). We had a great chat, and we are picking her up this Sunday to start. Amicable split from another family. All in all, I have my confidence restored that we can find a good au pair ourselves.

As an aside, our current au pair was almost relieved when we had the difficult chat with her, and is now excited about her next move. I think it was a great learning curve for both of us, and we will part on good terms.

Thanks again for the very useful advice.