not sure about school play dates Post Reply

[Wheresmyschool?]

I think you're being too uptight (and I mean that in a nice way!)

You child's school is now (along with home) pretty much the most important place in your young ones life right now.

Relationships that may last for life are made in the playground, life lessons learnt and (hopefully) a desire to discover, grow and expand their horizons is being discovered as we speak (well maybe not it's half term!).

A really important part of that is social discovery, meeting other people in a "safe" environment and realising that the big wide world is much more than home, the park and grandparents.

I LOVE playdates, much like dinner parties you tend to reciprocate and soon you won't have to pick your son/daughter up some days as they'll happily trot off to another house. That's free time or quality time to spend with your other offspring.

As for safety it'll be fine. If they can raise and child and get them into the same class as your little one then they're probably OK.

There are horror stories but they tend to be about stuff like catching nits and cultural differences ("Why don't we say Grace?" "Why don't we watch TV in the living room with our dinner on trays"?) than safety.

So don't worry and watch your little one grow, I envy you, it's ace to see them to explore the big wide world!!!



ps hope none of this comes across as having a go at you, it's not, I love your posts on here!!!

[Squinkle]

I completely understand your reservations re. safety, however I would urge you not to turn down playdates on this basis as they are so important. Perhaps you could arrange to have them at your house/the playground/go out for tea to start with until you are comfortable with the children and their parents, and then start branching out.

When I was a teacher, I would always advise parents to set up playdates, as having the opportunity to build social skills is a crucial part of growing up, including having the confidence to do so in unfamiliar environments.

It can be tiring and inconvenient, but the element of reciprocity involved should eliminate some of that as time progresses and you could end up feeling quite grateful for the opportunity!

[Honeybee]

I probably wouldn't feel entirely comfortable leaving my reception age child with the parent/carer of another child so early on in the term when you don't know each other, but I am very keen to arrange playdates with both sets of parents/carers there as I think it is really important to develop these friendships to help the little ones enjoy school. I guess my thinking is that you get to know them and then after a few of these 'joint' playdates, you can eventually 'let go' a little and let them go to each others' houses without you being there.

So I don't think you're being unreasonable, Petal. Hopefully you can make friends with the other parents too so it will become less of a 'chore' with time.

[Purdyeve]

I understand your concerns Petal, but I really don't think that you have anything to worry about. Playdates are an important part of growing up. I have 3 children who must have been on 100+ playdates between them, and the worst horror stories usually involve "x wouldn't let me wear her Princess Elsa dress"!

The excitement that a child displays when planning and looking forward to a playdate is a wonderful thing to witness, and it truly can be where friendships are cemented. It is also very helpful for parents to occasionally be able to call on each other to help when they have appointments, are unwell etc.

In terms of the extra workload, more often than not the playdate experience is a very happy one. As the children get older, they often disappear together to play and only emerge to be fed!

Enjoy!

[AbbevilleMummy]

Petal, having a play date is perfect if you're tired by the time you get home from pick-up.

The kids run off upstairs or to the playroom and so you don't have to spend time entertaining them etc. Your child will be so excited to show their friend all of their toys, their bedroom, their sibling's toys etc etc and you can just crack on with dinner. In my experience the kids also tend to eat better when they are together, happy and full of beans as opposed to when they are tired and grumpy after a long day at school.

And then, your child gets to have fun at their friend's house the following week and you can have an afternoon in total peace!

[IheartTooting]

I think it's a positive thing that so many children would like to play with your child after school.

It is daunting moving into play date territory especially when you don't know the other parents but I have found play dates to be a great way to build new friendships (for the child and parent).

Perhaps you could have another child over first and invite the parent/nanny too.

How does your child feel about going to a friends house for tea? If they are happy to do it, I think you have to trust the parent/nanny and let him/her go.

[sarahroo]

Have some playdates at your house first, do an easy tea and children entertain each other...maybe get parent to come over 30 min before home time for a cup of tea so you can get to know them.
Your child will love going to someone elses house with out you (no offence) your child will feel so grown up and just say if your unhappy ask the mum or nanny if they can call you. If they are from the same school they wont be far from you. But this will give your child another type of independence.

[JBG]

It's definitely a tricky area and one that I struggled with when my son started school last September.

The way I handled it was to be completely honest with other mothers about it and I was pleasantly surprised to find it was a common concern. I hosted a number of playdates with other mothers and siblings tagging along and accompanied my son to a couple without it being uncomfortable at all. By the end of the first term I was completely relaxed about it as I felt I knew the other children and parents well enough.

It really is a very personal thing but I wouldn't let it stop your child participating in playdates

[Balhammum44]

Totally understand your concerns. My boy v little and young for his year and possibly at this stage wouldn't want to go without me. He's also knackered and quite often grumpy after school. But as others have enthused I am thinking 'bring it on!'
I am really keen to meet new parents especially as people keep moving out of London. My problem is more that I'm only at pickup and drop off twice a week and my son appears to be playing with everyone but no specific child. So I've seen no opportunities for play dates as yet. I'm quite envious that they exist for you!
Can others reassure me that these situations will present themselves? I'm trying to engage people as much as possible but don't feel I can invite over a child of a parent that I like whose child might not like my son (or vice versa I suppose) It all seems a little difficult to read at present but maybe it all plays out with time. How do other mums who work the majority of the week find this process?
BM

[millymoo]

Petal - I am new to this too as my daughter has just started school as well and I also find it a bit odd as the pick up from nursery was so strict (passwords, approved persons etc). I have to say I haven't organised any play dates at all as I have just started a new job although my daughter has asked me why she is the only one who doesn't have any playdates planned!

[Frenchmummynvn]

I understand your concerns but I think it's probably just a question of finding a select few families you trust? I have a similar but more extreme case than Balhammummy so I can sympathise. I have to work full time as my job is not flexible so I won't ever be able to do the drop off or pick up apart from the odd day a month. And our nanny speaks little or no English. Will my daughter ever be invited on play dates? And how will I meet other mums enough to bond and build trust? It's very upsetting to think my child will be left out because I have to work.

[mummySW18]

Hi there

It can be hard at the beginning but once you've done 1 or 2 you soon get in the swing. In response to Balhammum 44, ask your child if there is anyone in particular they would like to have to play. They probably have a couple of children they play with more than others.

in my experience playmates are much more successful when your child has requested a particular child, rather than organising one with a child whose mother you'd like to become friends with! I have done both….

And if you are anxious, invite someone to your house first - you'll be surprised by how excited the children get.

Good luck!

[secondtimer]

I agree with JBG that it's important to be really honest with the other mums/dads/carers that is all a bit new to you and you want to take things slowly. My guess is that the majority of mums organising early playdates are doing it for a second or third born and therefore freel alot more relaxed with the school setting and parent network. (kids with elder siblings are more acclimatised to playdate culture and can nag you rotten for particular friends to come play!)

Most hosts wouldn't bat an eyelid about you coming for a first playdate or if feasible just coming for half an hour or so at the start. (It makes me groan as I feel I have to hoover!) This is a nice compromise as it lets you have peace of mind but also your child has some independence and a chance to build social skills. You might also want to start with mums that live very close to you (Im not crazy about other parents driving my kids although it makes birthday parties much easier) I tend to keep myself 'on call' when my kids have a new playdate just in case there are any last minute jitters..and always stress to the host that it's fine to ring me. You can also keep it short (I.e. collect before tea) if you think your child will get overly tired.

Last year we tried to organise some class picnics and informal playground playdates over the holidays/weekends to allow children and parents to get to know each other better. Try not to worry too much, it's a sign of mums being friendly and you never know when you might need emergency after school childcare and need to rely on one of these mums to do a pick up. Having a couple of households your child is comfortable in can be a real saviour!

Good luck!