Home tuition advice? Social Communication disorder Post Reply

[catboo1]

Hello, I'm hoping someone will read this and relate.
Our 5 year old daughter has been diagnosed with Social Communication disorder. A new term apparently, which hovers somewhere on the autistic spectrum. Our daughter shows no signs of autism however and to the outsider, seems the same as any other five year old child. She even comes across as social, approaches strangers to chat and is enquiring. However, at school she remains alone and with her own company and is finding it difficult to learn in a classroom setting. She also has an inattention problem, so drifts off into a dream world quite a bit at school and the teachers are finding it really frustrating to get her to concentrate.
She is bright and when she has 1-1 help, progresses nicely. The problem is that I am doing all the work at home and we are spending a lot of money on private education, which for the most part is a complete waste of money. She doesn't really get anything out of school, because theres no team work going on in sport either, so even swimming she doesn't participate with the group and yet in her own private lessons, competes agains children two years above as she's so good!
We are now considering home tuition up until she's 11 because we feel that at least we will be getting value for money and I can step back from the teaching bit which is draining as we have 3 children and I don't have much time!
Has anyone else out there done home tuition and what is the cost in terms of friendships later? Is it possible for a child with SCD to socialise in some other way and then go back into school at a later date without feeling out of the loop?
Or maybe a child with this issue needs a school environment more than anyone beacuase they need to learn to make friends.. We are at a loss because we feel progress academically is more important or she will fall off the curriculum.
If anyone can give any advice in this area it would be so gratefully received. I feel at a loss as to what is the best way forward!
Thanks so much

[Rodent]

Have you looked at Rainbows / Brownies for her? Some groups can be a bit clique-y (sp?!?) as the children all go to the same schools, but some are made up with children from lots of different schools and might be a good source of friendship? That, and its social without the specific "learning" of school? Its just 1 or 1 1/2 hours a week and with a totally different set of children, she might enjoy it?

To register, go to the main GGUK website and the join us page and your details will go to the unit you choose by the postcode search.

I caveat this with the fact that it depends on where you are as some units have 2-3 year waiting lists.....

[anootka]

Have you looked into ABA - Applied Behaviour Analysis.
Our child has ASD, with the help of ABA Tutors and Shadow's in school (1to1) our Autistic Child has progressed socially spectacularly. He is now 4 and has lots of friends and even a little girlfriend, but it wasn't so even 6 months ago. ABA tutor will help him learn how to approach a child, how to ask to play, how to engage and how to appropriately play. Focus is primarily on your child and their needs.
Here's a Facebook group I've set up for parents and carers of children with ASD in South West London, it's helpful just to put your thoughts out there to other parents who are in a similar situation as you.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Anna

https://www.facebook.com/groups/454404661275910/

[gruffalo's dad]

He is now 4 and has lots of friends and even a little girlfriend,

Could we not just let children be children? What is this need to attribute boyfriend-girlfriend relationships to children with ages in the single digits? Really sad about this. Let me know what school you son goes to so that we can avoid this sort of thing.

[anootka]

Gruffalo's Dad
As a parent of a child with Autism words like FRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS are such a huge thing! To watch your child not being able to communicate, or able to look at someone's eyes and know what that means for their social interaction and ability to have a chance at a full life is a mother's nightmare. We were told he would never speak, never have friends, that he will be loved by his family and he will be happy with that. My child is able to forge relationships was my point not anything inappropriate in any way. For me to be able to say this is pure joy, after 2 years of tears and fear for my child to finally know that he will be ok, please don't underestimate the pride and joy of being able to say that about my little boy.

[gruffalo's dad]

anootka: You have totally missed my point. Relationships between boys and girls of the age of four should be friendships. Full stop. There is no need to project boyfriend-girlfriend relationships onto them. I am troubled by the fact that you don't even seem to be able to comprehend this.

You have made a number of other posts on this site in the past that reflect cultural baggage that you have brought with you to this country. I suggest that you consider your position. The environment that people like you create affects our children too.

[anootka]

Gruffalo's Dad,
I think you are missing the point, unless you've been in my shoes and have a child with a disability you can't really relate to what I am saying.
I am not trying to project anything on YOUR CHILDREN, I am simply celebrating my child's developmental accomplishment and sympathising with another parent who is going through something similar. I feel strongly about ASD b/c that is my life day in and day out. I don't project anything on my child either this is simple child behaviour. I am attaching a text I received from my ABA Tutor this morning so thought I would share as feel it completely fits into this thread.
Please calm yourself down
A

[gruffalo's dad]

unless you've been in my shoes and have a child with a disability you can't really relate to what I am saying

Please don't use lines like this on this site. It is an attempt to be exclusionary and shut down discussion and does not reflect well on you.

I do not want my daughter going to primary school where children regularly talk about who they boyfriend / girlfriend in the class is. It is not necessary, it is not appropriate, and I do not want that sort of carry-on forced on my daughters. It is not how things were in this country when I was a child, and it doesn't need to be like that now. Childhood should be childhood. If don't want to accept those values, then you are free to leave.

[catboo1]

Thank you for your helpful suggestions.
I think we need to calm down and put things into perspective.
My 5 year old daughter loves watching sleeping beauty and all the old Disney classics and regularly talks about her handsome prince will come one day! She often says she will marry her brother - is that deemed unacceptable? Children love to role play and talk about being mums and dads and naturally that leads onto discussions about 'when can i marry you?' or whatever! It's just innocent fun.
Personally, I'd be delighted if my daughter found a little boy she would play with and chatter about anything they like.
I totally relate to Anootka and her feelings of joy.
It's a very tough place to be when all you want is your child to make friends and play like other children and form relationships.
I think this discussion is taking a sinister turn and need not.
Thank you Anootka for your suggestion about the help and I am looking into an ABS person who can hopefully help my daughter

[ChilledMum@Balham]

Gruffalo's dad,

I don't think its nice to make comments like 'culture' 'free to leave' on a post without having any context or understanding of that individual's background.

As a parent of 4 year old, I totally relate Anootka's comments. Just like any other parent, I love (almost) anything my child says even if it might not fit somebody else's thinking.

Lets try to keep things in perspective and if we can't offer any support or say anything nice, lets atleast stay calm

[honeygranola]

Hear hear! Chilledmum, I agree with you. It is rude and totally unnecessary. I have been biting my tongue not wanting to contribute to taking this thread off topic but I couldn't take it anymore. Dear grufallo'sdad, please feel free to start a new thread with your musings but please let these ladies get on with helping each other on this one. Thank you.

[Geegee007]

I do apologise if this is not relevant, but if you do consider changing her school rather than home schooling, there is a prep school near Vauxhall called Fairley House that it may be worth you taking a look at.
I have no personal experience of it, but am acquainted with someone who's child attended. http://www.fairleyhouse.org.uk

As an aside, is Gruffalo's Dad actually Papinian under a new name? His posts seem to be of a similar opinionated and sometimes unpleasant tone.

[schoolgatesmum]

Have you considered state school? The school that my children go to have amazing inclusion - there are many children on the autistic spectrum and others with a myriad of learning difficulties. A state school with good inclusion really understands how to deal with children who struggle because of learning difficulties. The children with learning difficulties are then mixing with all kinds children (as much or as little as they can cope with) and they all learn to get along and see that we're all different. I'd really encourage you to look around some state schools and ask about their inclusion.

[catboo1]

Thank you both so much for the schools advice. We did actually try for state school - definitely a preference for all the reasons you outlined. Unfortunately we didn't get into the two preferred choices and were offered one which was rated average by ofsted and had an attendance sheet on the wall, which obviously wasn't a good sign!

We spoke to Farley House at the battersea schools show last year and they said that unless a child cannot learn, they won't take them. Our daughter is learning and capable, but needs 1-1 attention most of the time because she has a focus problem.

Thanks again

[schoolgatesmum]

How about the Roche school? They have a very inclusive policy.