Tiger Mother - this is SO annoying Post Reply

[coldatchristmas]

I HATE this woman, how absolutely deeply unpleasant...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/82 ... other.html

CAC

[thelittlelegscompany]

I saw an article on this woman in the Times last week - I feel sorry for the girls I really do. There is definately a balance and she has completely missed it!!!

[ordinarygirl09]

I also read this in the telegraph. She comes across as nuts.

We all want our children to do well but she takes it to extremes. She's not just a pushy mother, she is an outright bully.

[Talkman]

She seems a bit full on to say the least but each to their own. It takes all sorts to make a world.

[ordinarygirl09]

I agree, it does take all sorts to make a world but surely that does not make it right. Screaming at children for performing in any way less than perfect is unacceptable. Children do not thrive on fear and bullying....

[coldatchristmas]

for me the weird bit is a part of me wonders if she is right.

what i mean is that we all know the world is competitive and tough and maybe shes got the right idea.

I think thats why I feel so strongly about it. I feel she might be on the right track and I don't think i have the heart to do it and so I hate myself a little for not being as strong.

[harriedmum]

It does sound very extreme, but I do think we have a tendency to over -praise our children. I used to be all "wonderful" and "aren't" you clever" and I found that it washed over my four-year-old boy. Now if he's not doing something that well and asks how he's doing I tend to say "Okay" and then follow up with a suggestion how he could improve eg talk less and eat more, make the writing a little smaller/on the line and now when he gets a "well done" or "wonderful" he lights up because he knows it means something. I have to confess that while I don't threaten to burn my children's toys (a bit extreme) I do threaten to get out a bin bag if they don't tidy up!!!

[tootingbecmum]

I read extracts of this book in The Sunday Times and I was intruiged enough to get a copy and I have read the whole thing. Like most on this site, I was prepared to dislike the author before I started it but if you read the whole book, you will see that she is not the complete ogre she is made out to be (and makes herself out to be!). Yes, all those things are true, she does threaten her kids and there is no TV etc etc but she is self aware enough to realise when her methods are not working (one daughter is something of a rebel) and so she changes tack.
In the last chapter, both her daughters say what they think about their mother and it is clear they are happy and love her.

The marketing for the book has been sensational and no wonder people have had such extreme reactions to it thanks to the clever advertising.

Finally, in last week's paper, can't remember if it was The Times, her elder daugther who is now 18 wrote an article about the book and her childhood and she wrote eloquently and seems well balanced.

[ordinarygirl09]

I agree with harriedmum, empty praise is no praise. Children learn quickly when the praise you are giving is insincere. I have learned that if I am specific about the praise, i.e why I like what they have done, I get much more back from my children (not my own children, the children I teach in my primary class).

However, I also understand that it is natural for parents to applaud their children for doing small things, I do it to my daughter! I am always telling her how wonderful she is. I won't apologise for that. I want her to be confident and for her to know how pleased her mummy is with her (she is only 22 months). I am sure as she grows up the praise I give her will change in terms of her age and the achievement.

I still believe Tiger Mother is too harsh with her children. The World is a tough place and I agree that children should be given the tools and skills to deal with 'real life'. However, they are children for such a short time, surely they are entitled to be carefree....? To not have the same pressures we face as adults..?

Her children say that they love her. Of course they do, it is their mother....

[Wfm]

I agree with a lot of her principles and in fact i am similar to her in several ways. For example, i think playdates are over-rated and i'm not sure i would allow my daughter to go on a sleepover. (she is currently 14 months so it is early days).

At the end of the day, I think it is about being confident about your own values as a mother, and not being so judgmental about other's. We seem to live in a world where we are so critical of other people and particularly when it comes to child rearing - it makes for an uncohesive and competitive environment, whereas we could all be more supportive in this rewarding but at many times difficult challenging role which is motherhood.