Do you tell off other people's kids? Post Reply

[actuallyadad]

So since having children, my tolerance for kids in cafes and restaurants has obviously gone up. BUT earlier this week (better not embarrass people with specifics) I was in a Northcote road cafe with my kids (aged 3 and 4) having a coffee and a cake. My kids sitting down eating a cake quietly. Kids next to us shouting and climbing all over the sofa etc whilst their mums/nannies (I don't know which) basically ignored them. Kids were about 6 I think.

After a while it was really disturbing me so I told them to stop kicking the sofa we were all sitting on and to be quiet.

I got some really bad looks from the adults they were with... (but at least the kids shut up and then they all left so I didn't really regret it!).

I know it's nappy valley, but a cafe is a cafe not a play ground (at least that what I tell my kids who are by no means perfect!).

But the incident got me thinking. Should I have just been more tolerant and minded my own business? (That's the impression I got from the looks on the mums' faces!). How do you deal with other people's kids?

[juliantenniscoach]

I doubt they were parents otherwise I'm pretty sure they would have reacted one way or the other. By doing nothing it implies they didn't have the authority to.

Personally I'm with you. I don't like disruptive kids (we all have them at times I know) taking over cafes, shops etc. I do getting into trouble for sticking my oar in too......................but I'm just old and miserable...........

[london_maman]

I'm definitely with you! I hate other people's kids!

[MummyandMax]

Definitely with you! Today my friend and I and our kids were at the Pirate Ship park in Kensington having a lovely time sitting next to the sandpit when all of sudden we all get covered in sand and a lot of sand! I turned around and it was a young girl of about 5 who was with HER dad and brother and sister fooling around which was fine but not fine when you cover 4 people in sand. I turned around and the dad told her off but I had sand everywhere and wasn't a happy mummy so I told her off too and said it wasn't a nice thing to do and the dad couldn't apologise enough! Didn't seem to work though as she continued to throw sand at others... Grrrh!

[london_maman]

Oh the sandpit is the worse place to make friends!

[AbbevilleMummy]

Definitely speak to the parent/nanny first if they're right there as I would certainly pipe up if someone told my child off in front of me. However, if no obvious carer is around (I.e playground or play zone) then I would (and do) tell off another child for being unruly.

[daisydaisy]

I find tutting loudly and pulling 'disapproving' faces a good solution

[actuallyadad]

good idea speaking to the parent first - will try next time! (Hopefully there won't be one!!)

[rugby]

Go for it!

Why not?

You didn't tell them off, you asked them to stop disturbing you

[harriedmum]

I would hesitate to talk to the parents/carers directly. Tell off the kids and at least the parent can shrug apologetically and look embarrassed. Asking then to deal with it could hit a nerve, especially if they are aware that controlling their kids is not their forte.

I think you have every right to ask a kid to sit down in a cafe, it's this community attitude to demanding acceptable behaviour we have lost and I think it's responsible for a general slip in manners and consideration for others.

Some parents will take offence, but they are the kind of parents that would take offence anyway. Others also demand standards of behaviour from other people's children that they don't of their own.

The more people take the time to say "hey sit down" the more kids will. I actually think the kids probably sat down because you weren't their parent/nanny who they are used to ignoring !!!!

[rugby]

Absolutely - what Harriedmum said - didn't have time to write such a super post

[Wandsworth1]

Hear hear Harried Mum!
The parents/nannies should have disciplined their children for running riot before you felt you had to say something. You were totally right!
My children are told that they have to behave and respect others when we're out in public, otherwise they have to leave the shop/cafe.

[lindseyj]

So a little girl bit my son on the forehead in the park. They were both around 18 months. Mother said nothing apart from 'oh no look he's got bite marks'

What do you say to that!?

I was livid but naturally I know my son could bite someone and it wouldn't be my fault so I didn't lose the plot. BUT if he did I would be the first to shout at him make him say sorry give him alone time to reflect.

The mother did nothing I had to say to her little girl 'that wasn't nice say sorry'.
Maybe she was too embarrassed or maybe it's a gender thing because he's a boy she's a girl that's ok. However I was outraged that she wasn't told no or stop or that wasn't nice.

Rant over! Moral of the story yes tell other peoples children off if their parents aren't capable. But then again I didn't have the courage too had visions of her mother losing the plot and me never going to the park again!

[rugby]

How ghastly!

To be honest I think that is an entirely different circumstance and probably should be the subject of a different post?

The little blighters are learning what is acceptable and what is not ......

I think I would have shouted at both of them! But I am a big bloke - parks are quite intimidating in some ways

A very difficult question - poor you - how horrible

[Furzedown Dad]

Some parents will take offence, but they are the kind of parents that would take offence anyway.

I don't agree with this, actually. If one of my kids was misbehaving and disturbing people I would be a lot more receptive to someone (politely) speaking to me and asking me to try and calm them down than with them addressing my kids directly.

Part of that is the defensive mechanism that's present for most parents I suppose - right or wrong, you're always going to want to defend your family. But it's also a question of effectiveness too. Most children have been told to a greater or lesser degree not to talk to strangers - so being stern with a child you don't know might frighten or upset them, which in turn could upset the parents.

Course, that all assumes a "normal" situation of kids being noisy, or invading another family's personal space or something similar. If it's a question of safety then I think you just do whatever's quickest, which probably isn't finding a child's parents before you speak to them.