Just wanted to come back to this thread after a long while. Thought I'd share my experience.
We've been through the 11+/Wandsworth test process and we're glad it's over. DD was offered places in 3 top indies as well as Graveney based on test. We are immensely proud of her. DD is bright and able, but without help and practice I don't see how a primary state-educated pupil can actually pass the test. VR and NVR, and a lot of commonly asked 11+ questions aren't taught in state primaries. Practicing timed papers is also key.
Until last year, I had no idea what it's like to prepare for 11+ exams. So we decided to get DD practice at home using sample papers, and plenty of 11+ resources.
However, the ones I particularly found challenging, for myself included, were VR and NVR. So following my post from last year ( see above ), I reached out to Katherine who is running Test club. I can't praise her enough, she is a super kind and amazing lady. Being a primary teacher herself, and a mum of a child who got into Graveney, she was very knowledgeable about the Wandsworth test and 11+ in general. She gave me sound advice on how to help DD with V/NVR if I wanted to go the DIY approach. I felt no pressure whatsoever to join her club. She explained to me how it works. Basically, a small group of kids meet for 1h once a week ( or less often ) to do a VR or NVR paper together. Katherine explains the tricks and rules to them, they do papers and go through questions etc. Nothing too heavy really. It did feel like usual practice at home, the only difference being we ( parents ) weren't the teachers
To be quite honest, VR/NVR would have required a lot of concentration from us, it's not the sort of thing we were taught at school and so not that easy at all.
I thought we'd give it a go, and we haven't regretted it since, DD liked Katherine a lot, she told me she explained things much better than I did! She is such a great and inspiring teacher, had a lot of patience, and gave plenty of encouragement to the kids. DD felt much more confident with her VR and NVR after she had covered all aspects of reasoning with Katherine. She scored a high mark in Wandsworth test and got an offer from Graveney.
I wholeheartedly recommend Katherine to anyone who wants to get their DC up to speed with VR and NVR. The group is specifically targeted for Wandsworth test, which is GL-type VR and NVR, but the preparation is also relevant for 11+ exams.
In summary, a bright/able child can get to top selective secondaries ( state or independent ) with some help and a LOT of practice. The parents can tutor/help the child, certainly. But this requires commitment and knowledge of the parents about the sort of 11+ questions that may get asked.
Being busy full-time working parents, we found Test Club invaluable in providing a practice forum for VR/NVR in a friendly home atmosphere. The rest ( basically mostly Maths practice ) was done at home.
Regarding tutoring to eye-ball thing, totally agree I'm against that, especially if you would know DC would struggle later. I wouldn't have let my DD go through the 11+ experience if I knew she wasn't able. It's all about giving opportunities to DC to succeed. They don't get prepped at primary schools at all. I do believe, however bright the child is, without prep and practice, there is little chances to shine in 11+/Wandsworth exams.
Now that I have been through this, I see 3 ways for getting to selective secondaries. The easiest are (1) put them in a junior private school, they usually automatically transfer to same-school senior school, or (2) put them in prep private. Third option and toughest is primary state + preparation/practice and commitment at home or outside school.
If your DC is bright, he/she'll get in no matter where they come from.
Hope that helps.