ADVICE PLEASE - To move or not to move OUT Post Reply

[Bibi2000]

Hi NVN'ers

I have a new name as this is quite a private issue for now.

But I thought some of you clever people may have some sound advice.

Myself and my husband are separating - not divorcing yet - we are separating for many many reasons.

We currently live in a flat between the commons with our 5yr old . Its recently come to a head and I am looking to move out.

However there are a problems for me :

1. I dont earn much money at all - I paid half of everything ( mortgage, nursery fees & bills ) until 2013 when I lost my job and am now self employed to fit around our daughter and school.

2. The flat is not in my name and I didn't put any of the deposit towards buying it.

3. Renting is eye wateringly expensive , I don't know how I will afford a 2 bed place on going ..

4. My husband has said he will give me some money to cover 6 months renting somewhere but where we go is up to us. What happens after 6 months if my finances haven't changed ( I am looking into getting a 'proper' job again )

Can anyone offer advice - ?

If I move out , would that mean he wouldn't have to pay maintenance towards rent/daughter as would look like I can manage? - Even though I can't on my own.

What am I entitled to if he sells the flat ? As he says I would get 50% of whats left once the mortgage is deducted and also what he has put in over the years -

approx

50k deposit
30k renovations as he wanted to rip it out and rebuild parts of it.
140k left on the mortgage

Its a 2 bed flat with a shared garden space ( v small ) but large rooms and good storage - guessing 500k ??

He says I would prob get 100k if he sells - is this correct?

Also - SHOULD I move out now?

I need to get our daughter into a school - so I need to find places near enough for the catchment areas and so on... not easy when I'm also running a small business . ( I will have to move out of this area as too costly )

I just need some straight talking advice on whats best to do for the future . Im scared if I move out, myself and our daughter will be left struggling financially .

Any advice welcome

x

[mrsbfrombalham]

So sorry to hear about your situation.
My advice is twofold:
1- Do not move out of the family home
2- Get legal advice from a family lawyer ASAP to answer all your questions. In particular with your property you may have more right over it than you think depending on when it was bought and other factors.
Paying a lawyer right now may seem costly but you could save yourself a lot of money and worry in the future.

[Bibi2000]

Thank you !

[mgb]

Agree with the previous poster. Do not move out. It may help to contact a local family law firm called Burgess Mee who have been mentioned before on this site. They're in Lavender Hill.

Good luck xx

[NYE31]

Def get a lawyer & do not move out.

Good luck

[firsttimerSW11]

Hi there. I'm not a lawyer but I echo what previous posters have said. I think your husband is entirely wrong. This "giving you 6 months for rent" is balls, as you were legally married with a child you'll most likely get half of everything if not more irrespective of who owned what. Plus he has to support both you and his child, especially as it was your career that took a backseat as you are raising your daughter. He sounds like he is being a bit manipulative actually. You need a lawyer asap.

[Writerlady]

Totally agree with Firstimer and blood slightly boiling on your behalf. Do not allow yourself and your daughter to be manipulated out of your home. Stick to your guns and get some advice asap.

[supergirl]

Hello
So sorry to hear about your situation.

Did you sign a prenup when you married?
I m not a lawyer but if you havent, irrespective of what he owned before the marriage you are entitled to half.
Dont accept his version of the truth and like others have said get a family lawyer asap. He wants you to believe that he is doing you a favour and being very nice. If he wanted protect himself he should have made a prenup.
Also as other have said he has a duty to you and especially his child.

You may have to be prepared to go all the way through to the divorce though to get anything... And i would assume your flat if BTC and in a catchment could be worth a lot more than that.
Why dont you get an estate agent in and evaluate it for you? Get them to write it down if you can so you get a evidence.

Good luck.

[busybeemummy]

Hi,

I am a family law barrister. As you are married, you have rights. No this is not fair and should not be tolerated. If he is the higher earner then he will need to ensure you and your child are housed.
Whilst this isn't the forum for one to one legal advice, I wanted to reassure you that you will not be out there on your own. He will need to keep the status quo going until you either divorce or reunite.
I would advise you to propose mediation with a lawyer who is mediation trained who can help you both come to an arrangement. If that is not accepted then stay put, ask him to leave and then issue what is called a 'maintenance pending suit', or negotiate through your solicitor a 'separation agreement'.

No court will see you out on your ear, with no money with a young child.
Please relax but do get some advice asap. You're welcome to pm if you'd like some more help.
Kind regards

Alexandra Gilmore
Goldsmith Chambers

[jimisayo]

Wow, so glad you're getting sterling advice here. He really was chancing you on this.

I know an amazing lady who is a home organiser and resizing specialist (decluttering but more than decluttering - I shall be using her services this week). It made a lot of sense when she told me that a lot of her work is providing an inventory service for couples separating or getting divorced. This may be something for you to consider.

Her name is Sarah MacNaught.
07792 298595
sarah@right-size.co.uk

Stay strong!

[Bibi2000]

Thank you all SO much - I feel much better and safer now . I will get some professional advice and let him know my rights.


Thank you again so much - feeling very supported right now by NVN x