Advice needed - feeling vulnerable Post Reply

[Fosters]

Hi

I would very much appreciate some advice from you lovely people

My (5year) marriage is not going well and I am starting to think about what I want to do to be happy. We've been seeing a therapist for about 6months but tbh I'm not seeing any difference in our relationship.

Whilst all sorts of sorts are going through my head I am also starting to worry and would like some advice from anyone in the know or with experience before I seek legal advice.

We've been married 5 years and have two children (1 and 3.5)
My husband owns a flat that we rent out (bought before I met my husband) and own our house BUT my name isn't on either of the mortgages.
I no longer work since having our second child so that I can be at home for the children.

I am worried about my rights as I have no income and no assets ....

Any advice is most welcome

[Sarahsea]

If you're looking for legal advice then look for a family solicitor who offers a free initial consultation. It's been a while since I divorced but IIRC, all assets are deemed joint, regardless of whose name is on deeds/mortgages. The courts then start from a 50:50 division and work back according to child care costs, future earnings, years you've been married, pension etc. Solicitors are now bound to encourage both parties to settle amicably (if possible) and avoid court at all costs.

In essence, there is a formula to ensure you are treated fairly, especially as you have children. Of course, it can't be guaranteed that your partner will be reasonable but you will have a degree of protection.

I wish you well - separation is an awful business. I am sure another poster will be along soon to recommend a local solicitor.

[Oldkidontheblock]

I would not normally recommend a self help book but recently read Sue Johnson's Hold Me Tight and it has really helped my marriage. I even managed to sort out a difficult situation with my husband over Christmas which could easily have ended in a major row. The book explains clearly the negative cycles we get into in relationships and explains how to communicate more effectively. So have a read and think about couples therapy before burning any bridges. And make sure you are looking after yourself x

[Fosters]

Hi all

Thank you for your replies, both for the advice and the support.

I totally agree and really don't want to be a divorce statistic be it post Christmas or otherwise. I never ever thought I'd be in this situation but after yet another argument today husbands gone to bed without talking to me and I just don't know how long I can be this unhappy for.

Oldkidontheblock I'll check out that book thank you.

Thanks again

[Oldkidontheblock]

PS Just re-read your post and noted that you are having couples counselling. Do tell the counsellor how things are going and that you do not feel the counselling is being effective. In my experience couples counselling is incredibly difficult and it is hard to find a really good therapist. Perhaps you could think about seeing a counsellor yourself? Sending you very good wishes.