Deferring place for summer born advice please! Post Reply

[DDJJ]

My daughter (born in August) started reception in September and has settled in really well, I've been amazed at how well she's doing as I was bracing myself for prising her off my legs/mega tiredness/struggling to keep up. But apart from the odd blip, she's really flying. However she is friends with several girls who are September/October born and I do notice the difference - socially, emotionally and generally in overall confidence. While I know this will all even out in time, it has made me think about my son when he starts school.

He is also an August baby (he was born slightly early and would have been September) and while he is a bright little boy who would probably also be ok, my husband and I have been seriously thinking about deferring his place. With the current legalisation in consultation (and with Wandsworth council being very supportive - I know of two other children who have successfully deferred) he would be able to start reception having just turned five.

I guess my question is in practical terms, as I know this is and very subjective and emotive topic, what would be the downsides? The plan is for him to start at our local state school and then move to a local independent school at 8 or 9 years old. Does anyone have any experience of doing this? Are there downsides or it's looked down upon in the private school sector?

At the moment I can only see advantages for him having another year at home and nursery/preschool, giving him time to grow his confidence and be really ready. But I would love to build a more balanced picture of the pros and cons before making a decision, if anyone has any words of wisdom....

[mrspickle]

I was wondering the same and currently contemplating whether we should defer our August born daughter.

Aside from the obvious issue of moving schools later on I was also wondering if this would cause problems with sports teams ..... would a child who has been deferred be able to represent their school for the year group they are in or would they need to move up?

[Mills1234]

As a 31st August birthday, I think you are right that at school the issue is not actually the academic work, but the maturity difference. I know some of the private schools locally divide the reception intake by birthday to try and ease that, but understand you are looking at state.

There are arguments for and against. Randomly I've lots of late August birthday friends who have all said they are glad they didn't get kept back when discussed. I guess in your situation my worry as time goes by would be explaining to your son why you thought his sister was good enough to start, but he had to held back? I know that's not how your viewing it but a child may see it differently. Much easier if you'd done the same for both I think.

[Messymum]

Hello,

I have delayed my son's Reception year this year (deferred means you catch up, I believe, whereas delayed means you start the following year and remain out of the natural year group, although it could be the other way around, thinking about it!), and whilst there are downsides, I am really happy with the very hard decision.

I received no support whatsoever from any school (his pre school and the school he started) and was pretty much spat at, as I was crying, in front of my 4 year old, by one head teacher when I said I felt strongly that I wanted my son to delay. It's not an easy decision!!

The trouble is, a late August birthday means you are unlikely to fit nicely into either year group, so I think every late summer child’s parent is faced with a decision whether you acknowledge it or not, and you just have to hold your breath and head for the group with the most perceived benefits for your child.

Why did I do it?
I did it because I felt I didn't see the upsides of rushing my boy. He was perfectly capable, he is bright and confident, but why rush when he still needed a day time nap? Childhood is short enough.

Many parents will choose to send their children earlier for very good reasons, but if I have the choice, which I felt I did, I would like my son to have longer to play, longer to find out who he is, longer without pressure, longer to grow, longer to learn to read, more time to get out of London on adventures as he doesn't have to be at school every day.

I am using the time to engage in a host of extracurricular activities to find out things that my son likes, along with taking time off to go places whenever we can. We’ve tried tennis, golf, Taekwando, trampolining, riding, piano, acting, singing, climbing etc. I’m enjoying the unexpected extra time I have with him (we were told we couldn’t delay so he started school before I put my foot down and took him out). Having the time to broaden his horizons before we are restricted by school and the energy that school takes is a fab short-term benefit.

Longer term, I don’t know what the future holds, but I hate the thought of him being immature in his teenage years and all that this might mean for him. It’s a bit ridiculous because who knows what he’ll be like, but I feel I am giving him every chance to cope better if he is older.

My fears
He’ll be bored - academically and emotionally
Academically, there are such a range of kids in any class, and schools are very good at stretching all kids across the range, and emotionally I believe my boy will find kids on his level from either group. I have to remember that neither group is a perfect fit for him so I can’t hope for a perfect solution.

I have to say it’s hard when I see him in his nursery with the really little ones who seem like toddlers beside him, but I’d feel the same if he were the little one and the big boys would seem like teenagers beside him. You can’t win, pick your poison!

He’ll be forced back in to his year group at a later date
Wandsworth Council have been so supportive, and the law really does seem set to change, but this is a risk, albeit small. I have accepted that risk and I will deal with the situation if and when it arises.

On a more objective note, take a look at the stats of summer born children. You're statistically more likely to be doing your child a favour if they're older rather than younger. That's the maths, but everyone's different and, cliche, but kids are all individuals! And I don’t want to insult anyone who would want their children to go to school earlier, because there are a thousand reasons to send your children early, and not just because they are bright.

Hold your breath and choose!

[Hokuto]

I'd say go with your instinct.

In our case we knew that she wasn't ready for reception but we somehow thought that it was compulsory (how ignorant of us!!). Well, after one term we were pulling our head off to find a solution to our very tired child.

We took our child out of school - At the time it was a very difficult decision (whcih the school didn't support and some other parents didn't understand either) and one year on I can only say that this was the best choice we could have made for her. Within a month being at home she started sleeping through the night again, stopped having 'accidents', and her weight went right back up. And she was so happy!

We did a bit of home schooling, outings, playdates and extra-curriculum activities and she took to learning at her own pace which was so important to her. She is now doing very well in Y1.

[NannyJoy]

Ah yes, these are frantic, competitive times we're all living in and to what real benefit?!
Ultimately, a socially and academically successful person will be one who has had the best chance at feeling confident and developing their powers of critical thinking.
I feel this issue is not simply a question of sheltering young children from the rigours of the archaic, overstretched education systems in this country but also an opportunity to reflect on how mature these children are, and they are still children, when they're being asked to choose GCSE subjects and, soon after, find themselves ejected out into society.
You need only look at the achievements & outputs of the Scandinavian schooling ethos to make a choice you can feel good about for your little child.
Besides, a relaxed child is a prospering child.

[Messymum]

Agreed, NannyJoy, 'and to what real benefit?!'.
It's all so ridiculous when you realise how local all the pressure is. Speak to those over the puddle in France and they have never heard of all this school nonsense, you just go to your local school whenever you're due to go, and that's that, I believe.
But these choices we have, play on our fears that we'll make the wrong decisions and harm our children's future in some way, when most of us consider parenting as the most important job we'll do.