Potty Training - PLEASE HELP! Post Reply

[Mum in Earlsfield]

My son was 3 in January, this is day 10 of "big boy pants" and still NO sign of progress. I've read all the books, all the advice and despite lots of support, encouragement, rewards, incentives etc we're still no further forward.

He'll be desperate for the loo but will hold it in while sitting on the potty or loo, insist he's finished, pull his trousers up and promptly wet himself. This has happened several times and we're beginning to lose faith that things will improve!

Today he told me he's scared of doing poos in the potty and in his pants. I know issues with poo isn't uncommon for toddlers but in his case it's weeing as well.

Has anyone else had similar problems?

Please help!

Alice
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[yorkshirepudding]

Others on this site may disagree with me - but we found bribery (or positive reinforcement if you prefer to call it this) worked a treat! Find something he really likes and wants and offer it repeatedly for trying to go on the potty or toilet. Small steps at first. Just one wee will get an instant reward. Don't delay the reward - make sure you have whatever it is to hand. Our boy was a little younger than yours and jelly sweets seemed to do the trick but it could be small toys, stickers, chocolate - who cares if it works. Once our lad was fully potty trained it took about a month to wean him off the treats but he's not looked back since!

Try to encourage him to look at his poo (I know it sounds horrid) but often they are less scared if they can confront it and talk about it. We also found a book helped, although you've probably done this already - we found a good one about potty training and looked at it every night and talked about how much fun it looked and what a clever boy the little boy in the pictures was. Stickers were also part of the book.

Best of luck! I know with boys it can take a long time...

[Mum in Earlsfield]

Thanks a lot for your reply. We've tried all the bribery etc and even give him a smartie just for trying (otherwise we'd never get him to sit on the potty at all!!)

However I hadn't thought of getting a book about it that we could read with him and I'll definitely do this - great idea!

Thanks again,


Alice
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[Bee@lifeafterlondon]

this is probably no use at all but is it worth giving up for a while? From what I understand boys often take just a day or two if you time it right and although our parents generation have us believe we were all potty trained at 3 months he isn't too old and it doesn't matter if he's in nappies. Perhaps it's worth waiting and trying again in a month or two when he'll crack it no worries.
Sorry if that isn't useful but sometimes I think we all 'try' too hard!

[Raspberry-Sorbet]

There is a very funny book called "Whose in the loo?" for children. Not to do with potty training but humorous and perhaps another link in making the loo an everyday thing.

Perhaps also use phrases like "you must be so pleased with yourself" or "are you so happy that you sat on the loo?" so he is doing it for himself not just for anyone else. Using evaluative phrases are really effective as apposed to "you're such a good boy" which is not specific enough. (I don't mean that to sound bossy!)

Plus I also agree with the post above, don't battle, come back to it in 3 months.

[Mum in Earlsfield]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I'll have a look for "Who's in the Loo" - I think humour could be a good way to tackle it.

I've already started and stopped twice already and have been advised by his nursery to keep going this time otherwise it's too confusing.

Think I've established that he's scared to let it go for some reason. Did have a bit of success yesterday so hopefully it'll get easier soon!!

Alice
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[monaco]

Did you ask him "why" he was scared ?

Doing it for them is like if they were giving you a great gift. They know that it's important to us.

The best advice I was given was to be relaxed about it so that our daughter would see that it wasn't too much of a big deal for her or for me. Initially I was really intent on it to happen when she showed first signs of readiness but when we hit a wall, I had to reconsider. So I told her "if you can do it now, great, but if you're not ready, that's OK too".

It kind of worked, not right away but a few days later.

I would second your nursery that if you have stopped and started twice, you should now stick to it.

Also, mastering the poo is easier than the wee (at least for girls) so maybe concentrate on that and praise him for it when it happens. Get yourself armed with lots of pants and trousers, dedramatise when he wees himself and go with the flow (sorry no pun intended !)

Good luck.

[Raspberry-Sorbet]

The above post reminded me that I used to say to my daughter, "Poor floor, it has wee wee on it, I don't think it likes it. Can you help mummy clean it?"
The thinking behind that, was that I didn't have to be cross or unhappy after an accident with her but I didn't ever want to say "don't worry" as otherwise why were we going to that effort. So the floor became the centre of attention not what I expected from my daughter. She quite agreed, the floor would not want any accidents on it.

Kiwi fruit are a natural laxative so at least when the time comes for poo, the exit may be easier. When he sits on the loo, I think I would also do a lively rendition of all the jolly nursery rhymes I can think of and throw in a silly dance to make him laugh and therefore distract and relax him and perhaps dissipate the fear.

Oh the things that get discussed on here!

[monaco]

Magadalen, the image of you dancing and making funny faces in front of your child while he tries to do "his business" really made me laugh !

What parents do to help their children ! I found myself the other night singing in the middle of the night to my daughter (who couldn't sleep because of chicken pox) while half-asleep. The lyrics to the songs progressively became less accurate and mixed up with words related to work or other domestic worries due to my half-dreamy state ! Did the trick though, she fell asleep.