Postby Y737 » Tue Mar 15, 2016 9:52 am
It's a good question, but hard to give a short answer. It depends on the child, but even more so on the parent. We all tend to transmit our values to our children and most of us hope to temper these with the needs and abilities of each child. Studies show that parental support is the single greatest determinant of a child's academic performance, so school is not as significant when it comes to results as we like to think: academically successful schools tend to have cherry/picked highly motivated parents and children to begin with. I attended a grammar school, my daughter attends a public school because we can afford it and she made the effort to prepare for and sit the entrance exams with our support. I was amazed at her resilience, as I was concerned about how she would manage. In so doing, she also left a space at an outstanding state secondary school she was offered a place at, so no one lost out.
I think we are at risk of overstating the negative effects of pressure on children: children can and should be taught resilience and can be helped to manage their own success and failure, instead of being protected from the idea that actions determine outcomes and that things do not always go your way. This is very different from overloading a child with unrealistic expectations or allowing them to suffer in silence. We sometimes forget that stress is a necessary part of living: the negative effects of stress usually result from being unable to mitigate the unrealistic demands others place upon us, rather than the stress involved in striving.
It would be better if private schools conferred no advantage, but I like the rounded arts and sciences education my daughter's school provides, the high standards it encourages in every activity, and the 'can do' and 'get involved' attitudes it instils. I don't think these are unique to public school. We don't live in the leafy burbs and my daughter has a range of friends and shows no signs of snobbishness. I suspect this is down to our parental values, rather than the school she attends.
Children who do not apply for/attend a public school - people like me - aren't necessarily worse off when it comes to university opportunities and careers, especially nowadays, when institutions are increasingly interested in broadening their intake. I attended Oxford from a good state school, even though my parents had not attended uni, because I was driven and supported by my single mum. My brother had a very different life journey, but also ended up in a good place. So...in summary, I'd say parents play the most important part in a child's sense of self, and entitlement to a good life and education. Environment can challenge or assist this - that's where politics comes in, rather than schools - and there is some part played by a child's innate ability. I don't think we should stress about public schools and state schools, but insist in there being a way through the system for every child to the best of each parent's ability. This is hardest for parents who have experienced difficult lives and feel pessimistic about the possibility of improving things for their own children. Life is also harder for children with disabilities or special needs. Anyone who takes an interest in this kind of website and who is still reading this is likely to be doing a pretty good parenting job!
