Stasi service at local restaurant Post Reply

[Hollamumma]

I had a fascinating and somewhat shocking experience at Tamra last week. I'm writing not only because of what happened, but what happened after it. Long story short, I ordered porridge with apples. It came without apples. I asked for it to be made as it was described on the menu and sent it back. FWIW this was the second time in my life I'd sent a dish back to the kitchen. The first was in 2008, when I ordered pancakes that came raw and oozing. Again, FWIW, this is a problem that could have been fixed without fuss, without even blinking. That didn't happen. This is mainly because (in fact, only because) the server was incredibly rude. I won't go into details because it's not worth rehashing. We've all been on the receiving end of rudeness and we know it when we see it. FWIW I find this happens in London a lot -- rudeness, and then the rehashing of it. And the conversation always seems to come down to some minute reconstruction of events, like in bad documentaries, where people re-enact the bad encounter, like conspiracy theorists rehash the Kennedy assassination. "Then I did this. Then you did this." ...etc. Instead of pleading my case with someone who'd shown herself already to be unprofessional, I contacted Tamra's FB page with a complaint. And the most astonishing exchange ensued, so much so, that I figured I'd post it here for a sanity check. Here it is, quoted in full, as my correspondent, Robert MacFarlane, the owner of Tamra, requested. Curious to hear your thoughts.

Tamra: As a Pole Beata can come across as rather brusque to those of us from further west.... We have taken the time to explain to Beata that politesse in the UK might not be quite what she is used to, even though we know that she has been here long enough to know this well.

Me: I find your assumption that being from the East means automatically that this woman is uncultured, brusque and rude simply racist. For what it's worth, I would recommend that you (anonymously) visit the Deli Boutique on Webb's Road. The lady who run the restaurant is Polish also, which I know because we always chat pleasantly. She is by far the most efficient and most immaculately mannered and polite person I've come across in London, bar none.

Tamra: One comment I would have... is that the service industry is not quite the same in the UK and the US and in some cases that customer simply isn't "always right"... We are aware that there are an increasing number of North Americans arriving in Battersea and Wandsworth.

Me: I think the main difference between our two sides of the Atlantic is that we just don't pretend not to notice bad service. It's not subtle, and it's not even really supposed to be.

Tamra: Yes, I agree... Another difference is tipping, of course, but we are digressing.

Me: A server's only job is to take plates from the kitchen to the tables and back again. That's why I find it baffling to confront bad service. There is so little to it, besides just simple courtesy and being pleasant... You have a brilliant location, gorgeous windows, lots of light, a spectacular vantage point on Northcote Road, and a captive audience of hundreds of local mums... who, like me, do the school run twice a day and look for a good cup of coffee and/or a decent meal between pick up and drop-off. It has not escaped my attention that Brew -- just feet away -- has maybe half the floor space that Tamra has, and probably five times as many customers.

I would be fascinated to hear if anyone else has had a similar experience, and subsequently had to invoke geopolitics and the Cold War of all things simply to make sense of rubbish service, which is -- after all -- quite straightforward.

[Scottov]

I'm sure they'll be glad to be free of your custom and entitled self importance

[dudette]

Yes we've all had bad service (the rudest wait person I ever came across was an American in New York) but we don't all feel a need to try and name and shame the offender. Accusing someone of being racist when they're just pointing out cultural differences makes you appear more 'Stasi'-like than them. Can I suggest you read Jon Ronson's excellent book on public shaming?

[Bluebunny]

I agree that your complaint should have been simply dealt with by apologising and providing a replacement dish. Certainly once you have taken it to Facebook, you should have received an apology. As it is the owner blamed bad service on his own prejudices that (1) all polish people are rude (2) all American people are demanding and (3) tips in the uk are too low.

I don't think you are being unreasonable and are right to challenge. Thankfully we have plenty of places to choose from to eat around here!

[Medway]

I think you have too much time on your hands!

[this_is_cat]

Firstly, I can't quite believe that you have the gall to accuse the owner of racism (which it isn't. Look up what 'race' means) and then have such complete lack of cultural awareness and sensitivity as to liken bad service in a cafe to the Stasi
Go away and do some reading on what the Stasi did, and then come back and tell us if that's what you had.

Secondly: "A server's only job is to take plates from the kitchen to the tables and back again." That's not correct or true either, is it. How deeply patronising and rude of you! You've obviously got a pre-formed opinion of serving staff and were expecting the owner to validate this and agree with you. He hasn't, and you're taking undue offence to it. As others have said, it sounds like you have too much time on your hands but also a very low opinion of people who work in the service industry.

Lastly, for what it's worth you took longer to explain why you weren't going to tell us what happened than it would have taken to tell us what happened!

[Astolat]

I don't think you will get much understanding without explaining what happened. It's hard to see how behaviour you describe as 'Stasi service' (not really the best taste choice) can be seen by the owner as'brusque'. These seem very different.

[papinian]

I have noted before that we have a problem with too many Americans in this area that bring undesirable cultural norms with them. It seems that the manager of Tamra agrees with me. Time to control immigration - and not only from the EU.

[Hollamumma]

Wow. I don't know why I expected sanity from this forum but so far it's batting 1 for 6. Certainly I am not suggesting the role of the Stasi was to insult people with bad porridge though it is a funny image. That is indeed an exercise in sarcasm. I'm amazed for sheer irony (and lack of self-awareness) that anyone would comment on a post purely for the purpose of venting abuse and *then* recommend Ronson's book! Which I read, thank you. I continue to find it incredible that such a straightforward encounter can be twisted in so many ways. Here is a blow-by-blow. You order something. It comes out wrong. You send it back. The server is rude. You'll have to take my word for it. Ask yourself, why else would I write about it at all? Why would anyone bother to make it up? You contact the owner, becuase it is the responsible move. He's entitled to know. And he's expected to provide service that isn't... Rude. The owner responds with a long diatribe about the cultural relativism of modern Europe in light of its epic history and an unveiled insult directed at people from the U.S. So evil continents, apparently, lie to either side of this small island. In any case, it has nothing to do with his choice to hire a bad waitress. Why on earth is anything worthy of being so utterly convoluted? Get a better server. Period. End.

[Hollamumma]

And while I'm on the topic, get a better attitude. In the time it took me to write that post -- about 3 minutes -- two more people chimed in with rubbish about Americans. We're really not that different from you. Except insofar as we clearly don't nourish the same visceral, embittering loathing of the people we call cousins. That is bad faith, and a stunning kind of hypocrisy. If you hate our guts, why do you employ so many of us? Why do you slavishly imitate aspects of our foreign policy inimical to most sane Americans, favored mostly by the fellow citizen most of us would simply write off as a bit crazy? ??? You guys make no sense. Sorry.

[Annabel (admin)]

Hi Everyone
Thank you for using NVN!

Please can we keep conversations polite and respectful?

Don't want to have to wade in to delete stuff but...

Thanks again!

[Hollamumma]

My own hunch is that what you suffer from with respect to those of us from across the pond, is what Freud called an anxiety of influence. Yes, it's a psychological condition. It has to do with the fear of losing one's identity. You seem to be having a broad-based, all-fronts, no-holds-barred identity crisis, for what it's worth, so I think your attitude about us says more about you, than it does about us. But for the sake of providing cognitive therapy, as yourself this: when Americans ask for decent service, and decent housing (if only) and decent public transport (ha!) and decency in general, do you think they're trying to make the world (or, god forbid, the U.K.) more American? Or just more decent? We think of these things as fairly self-evident, as Jefferson put it. Not as American things. Just obvious things. For what it's worth, which isn't much, here, admittedly. Thank you for making me laugh before lunchtime.

[juliantenniscoach]

Wow that escalated from missing apples didn't it?

[papinian]

Hollamumma: I'm not sure what your point is. Public transport in London and the U.K. generally is much better than public transport in the U.S. As regards housing, people have different views but for myself I would prefer a brick built house than the weatherboard timber frame houses that seem to be prevalent in the U.S. and look wrecked after just a couple of years if not maintained. As regards why so many Americans arrive in London, it is in part because American companies operating here import them (a whole other story in itself) and, I suspect, in part because Americans arriving here get access to free healthcare that a British person arriving in the U.S. wouldn't receive.

You ordered some porridge which was supposed to come with apples. It came without apples. You asked for it to come with apples as per the menu. There seems to have been some issue with the server fixing your order. You have never said anywhere in your multiple posts how exactly the server (whom you named on this site - very bad form in my view) was rude to you.

To be very frank with you, when you say that you find rudeness happens in London a lot, I think it is probably more a reflection on you than it is on the businesses that you frequent or their staff.

[Scottov]

On the subject of cultural insensitivity and stereotypes, little progress is being made by the double, triple and quadruple or nothing approach of the OP here. Or in old money, dig up not down.

the problem with democratisation of opinions over the Internet, is that it leads to perverse outcomes depending on the heuristic of the individual in question.

Some customers are not worth the effort, and their custom is unwelcome; and it is this reality that offends the most difficult customer far more than what previous trivial indiscretion enraged them.