Do you read partners email/FB etc? Post Reply

[DoYouCheckUp?]

Hello
Had a rather heated argument with some girlfriends I was out with last night.

I check my husbands email/FB/texts when I have the chance, not because I don't trust well, well maybe a little bit, but because I can. Not sure if he knows this but his passwords are all the same for everything so its easy to do.

Some Gfs were really upset/surprised and I thought that most people did it.

Am I in minority?

Could do with some ammunition before we next meet up!

[papinian]

If this were a husband saying he did this with his wife's passwords, posters would be labeling it controlling and borderline abusive (and I'd tend to agree with them).

My wife and I likely know each other's passwords for things, e.g. I have Amazon Prime so my wife uses my Amazon password, and I know the password for her Wordpress blog because I helped with some technical issues with it. There is no way that we would use the passwords without the instruction/approval of the other.

[juliantenniscoach]

The key phrase in your post is "I check..............". Check for what exactly? Well you answer that for yourself with "well maybe a little bit..". I think you need to deal with why you have to "check". Personally, if my wife was "checking" I wouldn't be happy, even though she has access to my accounts.

[Goldhawk]

I could check but I don't
Likewise he could check mine but I doubt he bothers

[denshort]

I could also check but don't. Sometimes I'm on our laptop and realise I'm on his Facebook, but would never read his messages. We both ask each other to check sometimes, or if I know there's an e-mai he's had that I need, it's all very open but I don't just go in and read them for fun.

[denshort]

I could also check but don't. Sometimes I'm on our laptop and realise I'm on his Facebook, but would never read his messages. We both ask each other to check sometimes, or if I know there's an e-mail he's had that I need, it's all very open but I don't just go in and read them for fun.

[sw11_]

I agree with Julian. "Check" is a strange choice of word. My husband and I read each other's Facebook and email - we use them interchangeably quite often to be honest - but we don't consider ourselves to be "checking" them if that makes sense. I'm not sure if we're unusual or not but I guess there is another data point for you!

[2009Kat]

Nope. We know the passwords to each other's phones etc but see no reason to "check". I would go mad if he just "checked" mine although would happily let him look if he needed to for some reason......

[supergirl]

Weird.
Here too could "check" but dont. We trust each other implicitely.
I think you need to have a good think. Does your husband knows? I would be furious.

[KVDB]

Yes I read his emails and texts and he knows I do he then doesn't bother to properly read them himself so we would miss major bits of information if I didn't. The other week he asked me not to read my own emails as he has ordered me a present from my Amazon!

[Scottov]

Oh c'mon you know very well secretly "checking" his stuff is wrong. Doing it is one thing trying to find moral support for it is another

[HDM]

Afraid I agree with the others - its wrong on so many levels, but you have a reason deep down and that is something you might want to address

My husband and I split up a year ago due to incompatibilities (he said) I checked for the first time his Facebook messages and wish I hadn't . Some things can never be un read

[graceygirl]

A few years ago I was in a bad relationship where I was bullied by my partner over my weight for a extended period of time, this made me insecure and I ended up drunkenly kissing someone else . Then I got paranoid that he was doing further wrongs leading me to constantly check his phone, when he was in the shower - you name it .

Looking back my own guilt lead me to be crazy paranoid and it was a very unhealthy relationship for a variety of reasons .

Now with current partner, I wouldn't dream of snooping I don't feel any need or desire to - he lets me look at things on his phone , leaves it lying around etc as I would with my phone.

The actually snooping isn't the issue its just the manifestation of a bigger problem , you have a lack of trust or an insecurity maybe ? Have you any reasons to be suspicious and want to check?

[firsttimerSW11]

Erm, I too look at my husbands personal email account (rather than his work one), mainly because I'm nosy. I do it in front of him, (e.g. if we are watching TV and I have the iPad which has both of our email accounts on it, I might have a look. Usually it would be to check that he hasn't missed any emails from builders etc as he doesn't use his personal email that much. I also look on his Facebook and he reads mine too) Neither of us really care.

We both trust each other implicitly but if I'd ever thought about it, I might wonder why I do it. I don't have an answer really, I suppose I just like to know what's going on. I can see why some people would consider it controlling but if neither of us care then does it really matter?

[graceygirl]

I think yes you're doing that with consent though and in front of him , the issue I think is when it's being done sneakily / behind someone's back . I was guilty of this in the past but now I'd hopefully never feel the need to again