High needs baby Post Reply

[AnnaK]

Hello. My son is 10m old and has been high needs from birth. He will cry and fuss all day. He was born earlier and had a bit of silent reflux and colic when she was little we He's on lactose free formula. Anything seems to be difficult with him , frustration at not being able to walk or sit, nappy and clothing changes aren't easy too! He absolutely hates his car seat or pram. I have been so patient and keep trying to be positive but I'm not sure how much more i can deal with. We are not going on holidays this year as we have no idea how he will be .He's great and easy with food but doesn't want to be in his chair. It seems so unfair that others have such easy babies.
I literally have tried everything to make him feel happier, nothing seems to be working:/ I'm exhausted and unhappy first time mother...
Anyone had any similar experiences?

[daisydaisy]

For what it's worth, it does get easier and then eventually, wonderful (with a sprinkling of dreadful!)
Don't give yourself a hard time about not enjoying it- so many mothers go through the same thing but it's not something that is willingly admitted. Those people with 'easy' babies find some things hard I'm sure. You CAN do it but it's hard to see it when you are exhausted. Do you have any relatives that could take over for a day so that you could take time out / sleep all day, which would give you a bit more energy to deal with everything?
It will get easier, just hang on in there.
D xx

[kinka]

Probably you feel so lonely and tired, which is natural. But you are not bad mother. A lot of mothers are facing the same problem. Hope you have some help from father of your son. Try to give him some camomile tea, from my experience I know it works on colic.

Wish you all the best

[klw]

Poor you- I completely empathise, as my son was exactly as you describe and it was exhausting.

A couple of thoughts: I completely echo what the previous posters have suggested- can a relative (or if you can afford it, a trusted babysitter) take over for a few hours a couple of times a week to give you a regular break?

Do you feel you have got to the bottom of the colic/ fussing? My son had numerous dietary issues, which made him cranky and difficult until we resolved them.

Does he sleep at night? This is vital for both him and you. We got help with this (after 18 months of very broken sleep) and it was the start of returning to normality for us, a tired baby is more fussy by nature. Your exhaustion will make everything feel like hard work and make the demands of life with a baby more emotionally and physically draining.

Also (without delving into your emotions too much) is it possible you might be suffering from extended baby blues or PND? Retrospectively, I was definitely very down ( through exhaustion) and felt I couldn't be joyful about my son's babyhood. It is a regret for me that I didn't admit this at the time and reach out for support.

In our case life got much better, we now have a super and loving little boy- I can't imagine a more lovely (or loved) child. But his first year or so was the hardest, loneliest time of my life and I could never imagine how much better life would get....

You are not alone and I am sure things will get easier, but please, please ask others for help to get you through the tough days.

[LP73]

Have you chatted to your GP about this? If so what have they suggested? Have you taken him to see a cranial osteopath?
I know it's tiring and hard work but there is help out there that's worth investigating.

[firsttimerSW11]

I had a difficult baby. All of my NCT friends had these sweet gurgling bundles of joy who lay in their prams as we caught up in All Bar One (the early months), while mine never stopped crying and always had to be held. I found it a real struggle.
I think some are more difficult than others but my 2.5 year old is so much fun now; very strong willed but I wouldn't change a thing about her and although it seems a bit of a distance into the future, it does get better. I know that doesn't help you right now, but honestly this won't last forever, so don't feel in any way guilty that you are not loving this phase (and it is a phase). But I do second a pp who mentioned going to see your GP and just discussing with her what you've mentioned in your post. Likewise re seeing a cranial osteopath. I don't know what to think re alternative medicine and I went along myself with my little one. I'm not sure what they did or if it helped but it certainly can't hurt. Try the OCC in Wandsworth. It's a charity so is very reasonable, it used to be donation only but now I think they charge about £20 for the hour. Good luck, it will get better.

[AnnaK]

Hello Ladies!

Thank you so much for the great support! Knowing I'm not alone makes me feel better, I've spoken to the GP and HV even paediatrician about his behaviour- they all seem to be very pleased with him. Hes never crying when we're attending the appointments always "on move" so there is no concern about his development. We went to see the Wandswort Charity Osteopathic Clinic when he was small, but doesn't make any difference... I have been around so many kids in my life but, even my husband said "looking after babies is easy- but not this one ". I believe will get better as he began to walk that's my hope!

[Confused31]

Hello there,

I completely sympathise, I have had two babies who are in this category and whilst gutted I didn't enjoy their baby years I have finally stopped beating myself up about it.

Definitely get some help from someone either friend, relative or paid babysitter. Make sure it's regular and don't use the time to manically clean your house or wander aimlessly around the shops. Use it to relax, read a book, swim something to escape mentally and physically.

Be kind to yourself (and don't believe anyone who tells you that you can't have two difficult babies)!

Xx

[KVDB]

I have my fingers crossed for you two months ago I was on the phone to my mum about my high needs 8 months old baby and feeling really disappointed and exhausted I could never put her down and she cried all day. It wasn't so simple as someone else looking after her as she would scream constantly if she wasn't with me. She must have heard me from the next day onwards she has been a delight happiest smiliest baby ever and now after two weeks sleep training she is even nearly sleeping well at night. So hold tight it may just change over night! I would also check out if there are any more allergies my oldest daughter went dairy free at 3 years and it changed her into a happy little girl from one who was constantly throwing tantrums.

[ladyofacertainage]

My first was a "high needs baby" he's now a really easy 18 year old. My second was a chilled out baby, now a high needs 16 year old, with hindsight I know which I prefer! It's really hard when they are small and you just can't put them down, You will get through it, it just seems an age away when you are stuck in the middle of it.