did you get a ring for giing birth? Post Reply

[DinosMom]

I didn't get a ring and didn't expect anything. I didn't know there was some secret customary gift giving for giving birth. But my husband did give me a beautiful silver and diamond studded Buddha pendant to hang on a current bone necklace I own. But our son was born on our wedding anniversary so I think it was more of an anniversary present!

[greenfingers]

Getting a ring for having a baby? I know that it is becoming common practice but it seems a bit weird to me that such a momentous event can be "paid off" with an expensive bit of jewellery. I don't want to be a spoilsport of to take anything away from anyone who has done it but it just seems a bit yucky to me, although I can't quite put my finger on why exactly. Am I the only one?

[harriedmum]

Hello,

I don't blame you one bit for being a bit put out if all your friends are fielding great big rocks for giving birth and you haven't had one. I didn't get a push present per se - ie a piece of jewellery. I don't really wear a lot of jewellery and if I'm really honest I knew we couldn't really afford it.

Before we had kids my husband was a bit tight and I knew a Bugaboo would be a tough sell, so I asked if instead of jewellery I could have the buggy of my choice. I have since had both a Bugaboo and Phil and Ted's and we also put our children down for some of the local private schools which they now attend. So on the face of it, it looks as if I probably should have a big rock (I also forgo'd my engagement ring for a decent honeymoon) but I know that would be pushing the boat out too far.

It might be worth asking yourself if your husband is hiding behind the "your gift is your daughter" because he's under a lot of pressure to provide. I know my husband feels that pressure but he is loathe to admit it. I also appreciate that you may work too and he might just be being tight. Living around here sometimes it's sometimes easy to lose perspective and keeping up with the Joneses can be costly.

Hope that helps.

By the way, the "the baby is your gift" thing might wear a bit thin when you're severely sleep deprived or wrangling a tantrum-driven toddler - have you thought about getting one of your mates or their husbands to have a quiet word?

Best of Luck

Harried Mum

[eli]

Hi there,
I am at slight odds with my feelings about this......a part of me thinks 'really, a push present?' As your husband mentioned, isn't the baby your gift?!?!!? Isn't that the whole point? The ring, the jewellry, shoes, etc what does it really mean anyway? Knowing your loved, and love your husband and children, is surely the best gift anyone could ask for.....
I have to say I have NEVER come across a man asking for such things; 'We've been together for 10 years now love and I really think you should think about getting me a new watch, golf clubs, suit, etc......' What would you say to him if he did?
ON THE OTHER HAND, It would be lovely to have something to hand down to your children, to look at the ring, jewellry, shoes, etc as a symbol of the love you have for your family......
I didn't get a push present, I did mention it, but wasn't really fussed. I sort of wish I had something but to be totally honest, it doesn't matter in the day to day. I liked what one of the people posted on here about having holidays and a good life instead.
I don't think I've helped, but it made me sad that you were disappointed about not getting a gift and wanted to temper that with some thought provoking questions.....

[jellybean76]

Despite dropping lots of hints...and outright requests...I didn't get anything after the birth of either my first or second babies! And I didn't get anything on Mother's Day either! After seeing all these responses I'm thinking a conversation is in order....

[MrsAmanda]

My wanting a 'push present' comes from a family tradition. My grandmother was given a ring when she had her first son (my dad). That ring was given to my mum when she had her first son (my brother). The ring has now been given to my brother's wife as she's had a baby.

As it passed me by, I wanted to have something that can become a bit of a family tradition/heirloom. My husband had previously suggested giving me an eternity ring for our 10th wedding anniversary, but that seemed a very long time to wait!!

We believe in fairness. When we got engaged, he bought me a ring. I bought him a watch. He bought me a pendant to wear on our wedding day (that took a LOT of hint-dropping), I got him a pair of 'good' shoes (he's normally an M&S guy) Not sure about getting him anything when I finally get my 'push present' though. After all, he didn't do much of the pushing!!

[moops]

Amanda I would be more than a little peeved that the ring went to your SIL instead of you! I agree with having an heirloom with a lovely meaning to hand down. I'm currently wearing a gold bracelet that my Grandmother gave my Mum when she had me.

[sezwedz]

Isn't the gift of a wonderful new baby enough??? The gift of life.

[townieatheart]

I can totally understand the views that the baby is enough but I don't think anyone should frown upon a mum for wanting a gift for carrying and delivering a baby. My husband and I share equally in the joy both our children bring us, they make everyday worthwhile. But we did not share in the uncomfortableness of pregnancy, the pain of the delivery, and now the massive change to the body.
This has really struck a chord with me as I have recently been diagnosed with a severe prolapse and have to endure hours of doctors prodding and examining my nether regions, not to mention the daily problems I endure or the surgery I am yet to have. The prolapse is a direct result of delivering my children. And so while we both share the joys and the trials there is one vast area - the physical one- that only the mother suffers. I wouldn't be without my children and would rather have all the complications in the world just to have them, but perhaps a little thank you for the sacrifice !!

[jafina]

Eternity ring first time round, I had twins so definitely deserved it . We carried the babies into the jewellers in slings, I was very determined!! I wear the ring every day.

With the third I received a beautiful watch.

Neither were surprises but my husband is not terribly comfortable buying jewellery for me on his own, and I prefer it that way!

And yes I can see the point of view that a baby is the best gift of all, but these gifts were my husband's idea and I certainly wasn't going to say no. They are more of a memento of a special time rather than a pay-off......

[mumsw16]

I've never thought of my gift as a "push present".... My husband is quite traditional and wanted to get me an eternity ring, so that's what he did.
I don't feel in any way that I deserved it especially, and I didn't expect it. I have my sons date of birth engraved on the ring and it's something I can pass down.

I certainly don't feel like I've been "paid off", no gift could compensate for the humiliation of pooing all over the place in labour

[MrsAmanda]

lol, MumSW4, too true!!! No trinket can compensate for the indignities we suffer

Moops, I did go through a phase of being a bit peeved. The ring is meant to go to the first son's wife, when she has their first son. So I had fingers crossed my SiL only had girls The ring's Victorian so this might be a tradition that goes back a lot further than I know about. There would have been something coming my way but my grandmother was burgled and they took all the jewellery.

So I want to start again and begin a new tradition. A piece of jewellery I can give to the partner of my boys and hopefully get handed down further.

And in the meantime, I get to wear a little bit of bling.

Apologies for excessive smilie use!

[shafeenan]

I got a Rolex Oyster for my first but nothing for my second! But honestly, 23 years on I can honestly say your baby is your gift - a gift to each other. I mean, how many of you gave your husbands/partners a gift for making it happen?!

[Mama]

I think for me it comes to this: we both have two wonderful babies, but only i carried them. I used to have a precious belly, now i have a precious ring and watch... I wouldn t have traded it if i had been given the choice, but it makes me feel it is appreciated.

[ckwmum]

I think what it comes down to is how both of you feel about it. If the man buys a ring which he can't really afford cos he thinks it's some kind of obligation rather than because he really wants to then that doesn't seem right. I agree that pregnancy/birth is tough and the man can never fully experience that and he should definitely appreciate what his other half has been through, but it doesn't have to be by giving a ring necessarily. Then again if it's something he can easily afford and knows it would mean a lot, then there certainly isn't anything weird about it I don't think, it's just a lovely thing to do.

I don't think there's any overall right or wrong about this, and it would be wrong to suggest otherwise. What matters is that you two as a couple are on the same page about it. Let's face it, a baby rocks your world enough - there's not really time or space for any ill feeling about bling!