Husband has no friends - help Post Reply

[StormontRoad]

This is an unusually honest and terribly sad thread. There's a lot of lonely people out there, and London is pretty damn cruel. We're all so busy being busy and pretending that life is fabulous, but you can find yourself very isolated, particularly if you have no family nearby. I see more of my friends in the States and Ireland than I do those in London...

[Flowermummy]

themotherofdragons, I'm sure it's most definitely not your or your children's fault!
People's lives are just busy (I spend 2 hr per day commuting, 1 hr each way - if I was living in a smaller city that time could be spent with family/friends instead)...
Most people have friends from university/school and from work (past and present). So, a few thoughts:
1. Could your husband try to get in touch with university/school friends who have children of the same age as yours? That could work.
2. Friends from work - they don't have to be from his team, maybe he can do coffee/lunch/pints with colleagues from other teams who are more his age? Traditionally work colleagues go out on Thursday evenings (and with time and if he finds colleagues with whom he gets on well, it can progress to meeting up on the weekends with the families)
3. Friends from your children's school/nursery. Generally every year there are at least about 3 parents nights out organised by the PTA (Christmas party, end of year party, fundraisers, etc).
Among my children's school friends, about 10% of the families have made friends with other families from the school and they meet up at the weekend/go on holidays together. Yes, most families will be too busy at the weekend, but there will still be some who are open.
4. As others mentioned, a sports club. I have seen recently a group of guys from a local badminton club (black arrows I think) going for dinner on Sundays after the club....so something along those lines would work

Finally, try not to get frustrated by it. If you happen to find families whom you like and you become friends - great, but if not there are so many amazing things to do in London at the weekends!

[Boune]

This post is so like my husband. When we met he had so many friends. Always out, having people around, picnics, tennis, traveling.... Over the last 10 years many of his friends moved out of London or changed country. Then he started his own business which means no colleagues. And now we have a 2 year old and the last two years were quite isolating due to little one being seriously unwell.
So now he hardly has any friends in London and none in the area. He is such a nice guy, fun and outgoing but getting really depressed lately because of this social isolation. It's heartbreaking really. He goes to see football (Arsenal fan), occasionally meeting old friends but that's about it.

[WorriedWifey]

Hi
Thank you so much for all your replies.

I think I'll have to accept that we're probably a bit different and it's nothing to worry about.

Thank you again.

[Francesca1981]

My husband is the same! He is very happy though so I don't worry about it. Also, you won't be able to 'fix' his life for him, it is up to him really!

[actuallyadad]

wow you inspired me to text a couple of mates and suggest a beer...

But the thing is, I find I am getting grumpier and the people I am texting for a beer often annoy me, and the reality is that with a busy job and a family I'm happy without legions of friends! Plus which my wife has enough for both of us (even though I think most of them are quite dull!) and I'm often trying to avoid their dinner invitations. So my advice is don't worry, he is probably actually fine!

[Katherine]

Does he have any hobbies or interests that he could go and do (and then meet like minded people). Also, any partners of your friends that he might get on with? Sounds like you're a lovely caring wife.
Only need a couple of good mates in life.

[rrscorpion]

My husband sounds a lot like yours, but was chatting with him after I saw your post and he mentioned he is quiet happy to not have friends- he has work colleagues to have beer with, finds people to play tennis, and has the occasional phone calls with his university buddies...
Both of us have moved around a lot, and we have only been in UK for the the last year- I worked hard to find friends and it hasn't been easy but he is quiet happy with work, tennis? And family time.

If your husband is happy, then don't worry

[firsttimerSW11]

actuallyadad, sometimes I think I recognise you as the husband of a friend of mine and now I hope you are not if you find most of her friends dull

[actuallyadad]

ha ha I wonder....!