Where do babies come from! Post Reply

[O Mumma]

Help please!

It's time to explain to my DD (4 years) where babies come. Could anyone recommend a tried and tested book we can read together to help me frame the conversation etc?

I'm also really keen to hear from any other IVF parents as to whether you modified the conversation to include this or whether, at this age, you considered it too complicated for them to digest.

Thanks in advance x

[Bunnypigeon1]

Isn't there a specific reason you want her to know now? I decided to wait until my eldest asked me, which she did at about 5 and then wanted a lot of detail! She thought babies were conceived if a mum and dad held hands- so we had to get a few facts straight! But I didn't really expand further than there needing to be a 'special sort of hug' and then talked about what happens to fertilise the egg and the science from that point on.
I will say, the natural history museum has a great and very detailed display on how exactly babies are made....

[sloaney donkey]

"It's a long story and I'll tell you when you are older" is what my mother said to me when I asked outside Sainsbury's at Nine Elms at the age of 4 (yes: there was one there back in those days!). And at the age of 40 I still haven't been told!

Kids will work it out together when they get older. And understand IVF when they are close to teenagers. What are schools for!!!

No need for them to ever find out they were IVF, in my opinion. Unless you want to get something off your chest or feel differently.

[O Mumma]

Thanks for your replies.

My daughter is already asking hence my post and I'm happy to offer an explanation and help her understand in a way that easy for her to understand right now. I've tried the 'special hugs' response but she's loves detail and keeps asking for more.

If anyone can help suggest some books that we can read together to help frames the discussion, I would be really grateful x

[Beketaten]

This is the book my parents used with me https://www.amazon.co.uk/Body-Book-Non- ... 0590556088 It's pretty old-fashioned now, but it explains a lot about how the human body works, not just reproduction, which is presented as just part of the story, which I think makes it less of a big deal.

I was 5 when my brother was born and although I don't remember the conversation, I knew how he had come into the world by the time he arrived. My parents just told me the facts, without making me feel that any of it was rude or naughty.

As for 'letting kids find out for themselves', I hope that was a joke. Unless you want confused young teenagers exposed to all kinds of risks they are not mature or informed enough to handle, or picking up playground rumours and unsuitable content from the internet. Ignorance is not bliss.

[Purple_sage]

How about this book? Where Willy went?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/009945 ... 1OLE&psc=1

[Needcoffeenow]

It's worth finding out what your child's school tell them at this stage and using that as a guide. Otherwise they, like my daughter, could get into other parent's bad books for blurting out their new found knowledge ahead of the game. And be warned: you don't always get the reaction you're expecting. A friend was driving her two young boys when one of them asked ' How do they get out of your tummy?' As she explained about the special stretchy place between mummy's legs she caught a glimpse of their astonished faces. 'Can we take a look at it?' they asked.

[Daddy Pig]

Mummy Laid an Egg is hilarious. Different books go into different amounts of detail and I think it's a decision for you as to how much you want to go into at this stage.

[sparkletiger]

HI there - its great that you are up for answering your child's natural curiosity honestly. It is really very important to do this. I used to work for a national sexual health charity (FPA) who have developed a whole series of easy to read leaflets for children and their families. They start from Key Stage 1 so depending on your child may be a bit detailed, but you may find them helpful to read yourself. FPA produce lots of info - have a look at http://www.fpa.org.uk/resources/leaflet ... -downloads

Books like Babette Cole's Mummy Laid an Egg, recommended by someone else can be helpful. Personally I try to answer all questions honestly and matter of factly, we always use 'proper' names for body parts e.g. penis, labia, vagina. My daughters are now 6 and 9 and know what their genitals are called and have no embarrassment about it. I imagine that may come later, but I think a lot of the embarrassment is projected from adults. It is so important that they can confidently name their body parts. Key thing is that you do not have to be an expert or know all the answers. Even though this was my job before having kids when talking to your own children it is of course different. A great response when asked a question you might struggle with is to say enthusiastically "that's a really great and important question. I'm so glad you asked me. I need to have a think about how best to answer it" and let them know that you will definitely come back to them - this gives to time to read up, compose yourself, whatever you need. But you MUST come back to it. Happy to chat with you (and anyone wanting to hone their skills around talking about sex and relationships) more if helpful.

[O Mumma]

Thank you everyone for your advice