What you should say to somebody who has miscarried – and what you shouldn’t Post Reply

[Annabel (admin)]

From The Guardian, by Janet Murray...

"At least you know you can get pregnant,” said my doctor friend when I told her I’d had a miscarriage, 12 weeks into my first pregnancy, and following a painful struggle with infertility. “There was probably something wrong with the baby,” said one relative. “Just think of all the fun you’ll have trying again,” said another.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfr ... -loss-baby

[Chucka]

I found much kindness but also several medical professionals remarkably brusque when I attended for follow up appointments after miscarriages. At one post-miscarriage examination I found myself placed directly facing a folder labelled T.O.P ( "Termination of Pregnancy") It really got me thinking about how conflicted medical professionals must feel. How are they to respond sensitively to the real death of a real baby in both miscarriage and abortion when in the abortion scenario we may only speak of "the pregnancy"?

"So why is Baby Loss Awareness Week tiptoeing around common sense?  The reason is this.  It is politically incorrect to refer to what is in the womb as ‘a baby’. If it was ‘a baby’ their friends in family planning would not be able to kill it by abortion, would they?  Naturally, there will be no ‘Awareness Week’ for babies lost through abortion.  The State will offer no counselling for those bereaved mothers."
http://www.christianvoice.org.uk/index. ... ness-week/

[Lily85]

I think as with everything that what will be kind helpful words to one woman will be different for another. There is no 100% correct words and 100% incorrect words to say to every woman - it will depend on the circumstances. I personally didn't mind it when people reminded me of the positive that it showed that I could get pregnant.
Main thing as the article says is to show support for all those that have miscarried as ignoring them can make things harder.

[NYE31]

I wish that article had been about when I miscarried at least 3 times that I knew about & goodness knows how many times that I don't & then took another 2.5 years to get pregnant with my DD.

I was astounded by the insensitivity of so many people that I knew be it family, friends, my then NCT group, I was sent emails before nights out titled "another lady who will be ordering well done steak" or "I don't have an issue discussing my pregnancy in front you" when I had just told them that I had miscarried for the 3rd time as well as smug texts sharing their news with no thought for how I might be feeling. For me, evening con calls with my global colleagues became so much more appealing than a night out with smug insensitive mums to be.

My heart goes out to all those who have suffered miscarriage or infant loss or infertility, I am so grateful to have had my DS & DD without IVF or other help but my journey to have them was fraught with heartache.