Social life after divorce? Post Reply

[foodeditorjo]

Hi
I really feel for you... I was naive enough when I split from my husband, five years ago, to think that the women I'd met through school and who I'd considered to be good friends, would be supportive and that our friendships would continue. But no. I was pushed out of my book club and more or less cold-shouldered by everyone as I no longer fitted the mould of half a couple. It was a real shock and plunged me into terrible depression for over a year.

A few dear friends stood by me, but I now find even five years on that I have a very small circle of friends. As you say, a lot of people are still in that family/mothering role so our lives don't mesh at all!

It's hard to find new friends - I'm in my mid 50s and I'm fairly selective. Generally I love my own company and have travelled the world on my own. I think it's good if you can do that and not feel the need for lots of people around you. Like me, you probably have a vision of a life filled with friends but in fact as someone else has said that's not reality for most people.

I suggest that you have a look at the organisation meetup.com - it has a lot of activities that you can join in with, from visits to art galleries, to social events in pubs, photography, walks etc. And yes, try online dating. My experiences have been pretty mixed but I'm sure there are gems out there... good luck. And please PM me if you'd like to meet up for a drink!

[jomi273]

Ok so on that note of doing something... let's do it! Coffee, whoever wants to come.... daytime or evening? Perhaps upstairs at No32 OldTown near Clapham Common tube? Saturday morning 10.30am? I too am a single parent, and have been for years ( I really mean years!) it is lonely, busy and who has time to put effort into finding a partner when actually you are so busy trying to keep all the balls in the air that you can barely fit a haircut in let alone a date, where the cost in time (haircut), babysitting, effort to get the date etc make you wonder ( often) if it's worth it. I find meeting up with new people I meet along the way, and more recently grabbing chances to widen my social circle with them in an effort to a) get out more b) have adult conversations that are not work, helps.... and it's a start....so who is in?!
And you don't have to be a single parent......just divorced, feeling lonely, whatever.

[Ramaboo]

So i'm (about to be) in the same boat - single parent, 40.

I haven't yet found myself excluded - but maybe that's because I'm not quite yet in the school circuit..... it also helps that of the relatively small circle of friends I have these days, some have known me for 15 years+, before I was married and therefore are interested in looking after me in this shitty time.

I do find already though that I don't necessarily want to intrude on my friends' happy family weekend time, so find either weekends with my kid or without, are lonely and loooong. I likewise make multiple weekend plans to keep busy - but it often feels like a lot of effort to travel to friends with the kid in tow.

Sooo.... like the pp, I'd be happy to meet up for a coffee if anyone's keen. I know you are asking for advice, not begging for friends - But I've felt like this before for different reasons (pre marriage and pre kids) and just a couple of decent friends can make a real difference. Please pm me if keen. Am mostly around over the holidays

[BMC]

Meeting up with other single parents is a marvellous idea ! This is exactly what I did over 15 years ago and it made all the difference. My friend and I got so carried away by the idea we wrote a book , we even had a television series watched by people in Portugal at 3 in the morning !!! Long time ago . I have under my desk 20 copies of our single parent book , Kate and Emily’s guide to single parenting which get in my way any one can have one just shout !

[shaneleone]

I'm also a single parent, of three, and would love to meet up with other single parents. My kids are 2, 4 and 7, and I'm in Tooting Bec.

[Marmot-in-london]

Are you tallish slim and interested in horses/polo/skiing/diving and some arts/classical music I know a guy who is single and looking feel free to private msg me.

[claire53]

Hi
I missed the earlier thread about meeting up a week ago in Clapham Old Town. I am divorced and around during the day to meet for coffee. Perhaps there are a few of us who could meet in January in Clapham Old Town?

[rebecca.nicholls]

Firstly I have never been married. But I do have a child and expecting my second child in august with no current partner. As daunting as this is for me at 37, and to be doing again the second time around I have learnt over the past three years to really know myself. Like besides from being a Mother which I love and very excited about my new bundle of joy. I look for things that really light me up and excite me.
My business is my other baby , so maybe look at something that you can do that brings you joy and money?

The past three years I took to writing, an old passion that I rekindled and I share my stories via my blog. I build a social media platform by sharing my story and help other women to find themselves in this world where we can get caught up in titles.

Its easy to lose yourself in a marriage and I don't know why your marriage ended but if it wasn't working I truly believe we are happier on our own and not staying in relationships that don't serve us.

Think about who you are and this might mean you going back into a space or time before you were married and what made you happy. I totally agree with the 73 year old woman about volunteering. I really help to contribute to this world as much as I can and nothing brings me more joy then connecting women back to themselves and helping them find that spark in life. You are brave to share your story and it can be lonely but I find pleasure and comfort in creation. So possibly finding a new hobby, joining a gym will help you become more social. I have been at home with my son for 7 months whilst we found a new school for my son. We have a new school for him now so in January I am excited about meeting new local single families. You are not alone. if you ever want to meet for coffee. I am happy to share my world with you and help you on your life journey

All the Love

Rebecca